ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
I love having one child!(60 Posts)
Partly thru age, partly thru medical ishoos, partly because DD was such a nightmare to feed that it put me right off having any more!
But in all honesty, I'm so pleased I have one beautiful little girl.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
why is it that I don't feel I can say how happy I am to just have one child?
Well, I am. I have a beautiful, gorgeous son. I have as many children as I both want and can afford. To be honest though, I think that the money side is a bit of a red herring. The fact is we know inside ourselves how many children will make our family complete, and barring medical misadventure, that's what we go by.
So I am very happy to have one child. My family is complete. And being the mother of one child is really the best sort of mother I can be.
For the most part, ShowOfHands, I agree with you. Everyone should enjoy and appreciate their family life (however it is constituted) for what it is.
But I don't think that anyone who says "Sibling rivalry? Ugh, no thanks" is passing judgement on people who have more than one child. Surely they're just making an individual and personal statement of what for them might be an argument against having a second child. And not everyone with one child has made a deliberate decision to stop at one - health issues, divorce or death of a partner might have made the decision for them - in which case, I wouldn't judge anyone for emphasising the positives of their own situation or the negatives of a situation that isn't available to them.
"So I thought sod it. And want to shout loud and proud that we're happy with one"
And amen to that. Gawd I've been there. From family to friends, through complete strangers. From the benign to the outright rude (you're being cruel not having a 2nd). And it was ridiculous. You sound lovely and so does your family. One dc or seventeen, a good mother and a happy family is not created by numbers.
And you know what, I have 2 dc and hand on heart, it isn't better. Honestly. It's just different.
I really like this thread. It's lovely to celebrate the family you have in the face of bloody rude criticism.
Apologies show of hands.
I really started this thread because I was so fed up of the negativity surrounding having one child, whether forced or by choice.
I was fed up if being told I should have another.
That my DD needed a sibling.
That DD would be happier.
That DP and I would be happier with 2.
That DD would find it hard to make friends
So I thought sod it. And want to shout loud and proud that we're happy with one.
Of course there are positives and negatives to however many children you have. But you can't make sweeping generalisations because what you describe as a negative of having 2 might not be true for the vast majority of those with 2 anyway. For example on here people have said that they'd hate to lose special time with no1 or ruin a closeness. Well I have 2 dc and actually have more special time with no1 now for various reasons and we are as close as we ever were. It's very important (and much nicer) to celebrate something for what it is instead of negatively describing somebody else's experience in order to make yours sound somehow more desirable.
I only bring it up because like I said, for a long time I thought we'd only have one and I used to comfort myself with platitudes about 'at least there'll be no sibling rivalry' or 'I'll have a better bond with dd' and so consequently when I fell pg with dc2, I was terrified about ruining everything. It turns out that all the brilliant things I loved about having dd are unchanged. Because it's not about having just one or having an army, it's about having the relationship you have with each child. Another child is just another new relationship and it does not detract from the first in any way. Maybe it might change things slightly but who's to say it's in a negative way?
I disagree - there are positives and negatives to however many children you have, and actually a positive of 1 is that you avoid the negatives of 2.
I agree with you Showofhands. I also think that if you don't have children have one, mutiples, whatever your family dynamic; it is ok to enjoy your family for what it is.
IMHO sibling squabbles does not prepare children for negotiation and debate. I always knew what buttons to press though.
This is such a lovely thread for the main part. I was adamant that I would only ever have one and while it was just dh, dd and me, I was so content. Our family dynamic was perfect. Which brings me to...
Celebrate having one child because it's brilliant to have one child. It's too easy to say oh having two would ruin x or take something away from the dc I already have. It's the same as celebrating having one gender over another. Enjoy it for what it is instead of a comparison to what you don't have (and a judgement of it). I used to do it too and it was a double standard. I'd get pissed off with the 'dd needs a sibling' stuff but then realised that I was judging the other way by saying oh but having another would just introduce bickering or spoil things for dd. And isn't that just me deriding other people's choices? I suppose I did it with having dc1 too though. How would it affect my marriage? Would it spoil things? Of course it didn't but I can see why you'd think in that direction with regards to adding any child to a family. I did try not to do it though once I'd realised my mistake.
For myriad reasons I ended up with a 2nd dc and it's none of the things I thought it would be. It's neither better nor worse than having an only. Just different. It ruined nothing, it fits into no pigeon hole.
But, hurrah for this thread because celebrating having an only is wonderful and I remember feeling like it was something odd or incomplete due to a lot of comments we received at the time.
yes, another happy mum of one here, too. I did used to have 'twinges' about having another, but I'm 100% in my decision now. I love my daughter and she's a happy, well adjusted little girl.
(it does help that dd's friends, 2 sisters who live near by are constantly, constantly squabbling and falling out, and dd just views this with bewilderment )
Me too. So happy with my one dd and no desire for another.
GlassOfPort - I think I understand what you mean - I love my family, we have one DS and he's great, 2.10 and just getting into the swing of life, he's potty trained, eats well, sleeps very well and gets on with everything - but I do sometimes feel like I'm doing him a misjustice by not providing another - and this is because society says "where is number 2?"
But then again when I look at the big family threads they have to deal with a similar vein of questioning! "why 3+ kids, don't you think that's wrong?" - so 1 is too little, 2 is perfect but 3 is too many - says who? Why?
And god forbid you don't have 1 of each if you do have 2!
It just winds me up so much! I am 24 I do not know what the next 15 years of my life and going to be like, how can I answer "will you have anymore?" without being berated for saying "not just yet"
Grrrr ha ha
No 1 benefit is no squabbling. Without any exception, siblings we have contact with argue and quarrel over petty things. All of the time.
I would have loved another and I was more keen (70% sure) to DH (5%) it didn't happen. Like others, I medical ishoos during pregnancy and was seriously ill afterwards. Just yesterday I answered 'it wasn't meant to be' to the DM of someone going through unsuccessful IVF attempts (and should know better) .
Very happy with my lot. Wouldn't change a thing.
No, Cocky, it's not because she is an only - it's because she is 6
Oh, I don't feel at all guilty about not providing a sibling. DD would lose out in so many ways, another child would completely change the dynamic of our family.
DD now 6, wants 3 children. By the time she is 12....is this a reaction against being a one and only?!
It'll be interesting to see what our little ones decide to do.
This is a lovely thread to read. I am happy with my one and only DD but there are times when I have a wobble and feel guilty about not providing her with a sibling. It was hard enough the first time around, what with all the fertility treatment. I feel having one suits us as a family and I generally feel my DD will be just fine.
joins on the list.
one is fun.
I will happily take DS's friends and their siblings along to stuff if it suits both families, I will happily baby sit for friends with numerous children, but I do like going back home to just one.
DD finishes school for summer today. This is when I'm relieved I only have 1 child!!
We have an only by choice and she's great! I have no intention of curbing my spending where she's concerned
One is fun !
I have a couple of friends who have 3 & 4 DC and much as I'm sure they don't envy our family dynamic I sure don't envy theirs
By the way, I've never had any raised eyebrows about having only one (by choice). Some people have asked me and I simply say, Only want one. I tell them that I was an only and was very happy. They never question further.
I love having my one child - but I am lucky in that she's an easy child, has lots of friends but equally can play for hours by herself so I get alot of me time. If she had been a clingy child then I would have been trying for a sibling for her . But life is certainly very easy and chilled for us with just the one.
Yes, why doesn't society accept that some mums only want one child?
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