Mumsnet Talk

A poster on another thread made this statement:

"Personally I understand people that have one child far less than those that have none,...(Have to say I've never met a selfless parent of one) Having more than one gives a child a better foundation for social dynamics..."

Forget the crap about a better foundation for social dynamics because we all know that's complete and utter outmoded bollocks thinking but it was the bit about being selfless that made me . It's the implication that all parents of more than one child are selfless and that parents of only children are selfish!

It beggars belief that there are people out there who have such utter nonsense rattling around in their empty heads!

I've never met a selfless parent of one. I've never met a selfless parent of any number of children. I've never met a selfless person, full stop. If there are any truly selfless people out there they're too busy fostering children with challenging and complex needs, or something along those lines, to waste time hanging around with me.

Whenever there's a thread about only children elsewhere on this forum, I like to play "One Child Bingo"

Only Children are lonely/selfish/spoilt/indulged
You must give your child the "gift" of a sibling
Only Children spend too much time with adults
Only Children don't have anyone to share childhood memories with
When you die your Only Child will be all alone
When you are old your Only Child will have the burden of looking after you

Now I can add "Only Children have selfish parents" to the list of MN cliches

Oh yes to the MN Only Child bingo.

::distributes cards and brrightly coloured marker pens::

Anyway, I believe it's widely held in anthropological circles that there's no such thing as a genuinely selfless/altruistic act, and what seems not to have entered this numpty's lady's head is that having one child isn't always an act or decision, selfless or otherwise. Sometimes it's just how things are.

::shrugs::

Parenting is never selfless. There can be few things more selfish than choosing to propagate your own genes in an over populated world. However many children you have.

I have no desire to be selfless , sounds rather dull to me .

I don't think being an only child is ideal, although what is. I would have loved another child but I was ill , then could not afford one and an now struggling to conceive.

I don't know that many parents who choose to have one .

Well I did TwinklyTroll so now you know me. Nice to meet you!

I know some, just not that many.

Just popped back to say that, for anyone who wants to sound off about these only child stereotypes - or just wants to drink virtual wine and eat virtual twiglets with a group made of mostly (but not solely) of mothers of one - there's an open invitation to the one child tea room.

The person who made this statement has now expanded on it a little...

When questioned about how she defined "selfless" she said:

"many parents of one fit a child into their schedules and lives as opposed to parents of many that seem to work around their children."

Oh how I LOLd at that!! The very thought of it!

She sounds like a twerp Where is this thread?

What a bizarre thing to say !

One child bingo is great - I add the 'my life would have been so much better with siblings' statement to the card.

I personally know in rl four families with one child by choice - two of whom had absolutely no problems with pregnancy/age etc. So its not so weird

::[Mutters] Save us from the martyr-mummies, whether of one or more::

People always come out with nonsense. I have two but sometimes think back to when I had one and it was all very pleasant and had a good relationship with dd1. Now it's all fighting, and different sexes so I can't put them in one bedroom but can't afford another bedroom ........... and, everything is just harder. ok. that is ........... a tangent. I would have had a nicer easier life if I'd stopped at one. I wouldn't send one back now, but I can see that it's often auto pilot not judgment that makes you have 2nd.

what do I think of that statement- I think its pile of unthought out twoodle.

She's talking out of her arse

As kicking says, there are 7 billion people on the planet so in that respect you can argue that having one, or none, is really a selfless choice.

As for forcing your child to fit around your hedonistic lifestyle, I have no idea where she gets that from. Nothing could be further from the truth in this house.

I really think that some parents of more than one think that parents who have one by choice don't love their child enough, because if they did then surely they'd want more. I've been questioned twice this week about why I don't want another so am a little bit more pee'd off on the subject than I would normally be.

Hey Perriwinkle, where did you find that thread from the one-child-family-hater? She sounds like an extraordinary human being, and amazingly selfless I would say, judging from her remarks.

I have started two threads on the subject of my decision to stick at one child (for a whole host of reasons) and generally the consensus I have come to is that, yes I am a bit of a freak, but no-one has yet has deemed me utterly selfish.

WOW. That is a new one.

And for all those parents of massive broods out there being selfless and working 'around their children' as opposed to us awful parents of one who 'fit a child into [our] schedules and lives' -- well isn't that the way it should be? Aren't children supposed to be fit into our schedules instead of us pandering to their every need 24/7. Sounds like the onlies in the world will end up self-sufficient and able to cope in the real world, whereas all those siblings out there will be expecting the world to cater to their every need.

That post really got me going. GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR.

There are some right numpties on here, aren't there?

People do things for all kinds of reasons, few of them selfless - I don't think my choice to stop at one was any more selfish than a desire to have any other number, from 0 up.

We didn't fit DS into our schedule, we spent huge chunks of his childhood fitting round his schedule, which was only possible because we had stopped at 1!!

PMSL

S/he should meet my mum!

Or maybe not - she is very altruistically minded, but she also tells it like it is and takes no shit