If you chose to have one child, did you have PND with them?

(52 Posts)
pleasethanks Tue 25-Oct-11 18:59:47

My DD is 13 months and for the first 7 months I had PND, but it was only diagnosed late on. I am okay now, enjoy motherhood mostly and simply adore my wee pal of a DD. But I just don't think I can do it again. I did always imagine myself having 2 or more, but now the reality is here, I am perfectly content with DD and just don't think I could put my DH and DD through another bout of PND/newborn misery.

So, I just wondered whether PND was a factor in deciding to stick with one?

GreyGardens Tue 16-Oct-12 21:56:39

not PND but I did hate the baby stage. That plus being 38, and only ever really wanting one, plus having had 2 miscarriages beforehand (one at 20+ weeks) were the deciding factors for me.
All in all I considered it wasn't worth it. DD is 5 now and I am genuinely happy with my situation smile.

Monica1972 Wed 17-Oct-12 12:11:10

It's one of many reasons we'll stick with one.

Arcadia Wed 17-Oct-12 19:59:31

Kind of. My DP only wants one but as I had severe PND/PTSD it has definitely put me off and knocked my confidence hugely. Even if DP (who is happy only child himself) was up for it I think I'd be too scared.

IslaValargeone Fri 02-Nov-12 15:38:07

I had pnd but I also had hyperemesis during pregnancy, so I think it was a combination of the two factors that led me to stick to one.
My dc is nearly 11 and I have never doubted my decision for a second.

UniS Fri 09-Nov-12 23:57:11

NO, BUT having had depressive episodes before I figured I was at risk of PND and worked very hard to avoid the sort of situations I respond badly too. I like my DS more now he is older and I don;t want to re visit those baby days, I fear I'd find it much harder with 2. I was able to timetable my week around one baby child with very few compromises. Watching friends with more than 1 there always seem to be compromises and pressures I just don't want to deal with.

MaMattoo Sat 10-Nov-12 00:15:30

No pnd though I should have gone to go to check. They were dark lonely days 0-12 weeks. Had the pregnancy from hell and a pathetic hospital experience. Will stick to 1

butterflyroom Tue 13-Nov-12 18:26:02

Yes - undiagnosded even after approaching doctor for help. It was hell.

butterflyroom Tue 13-Nov-12 18:26:33

Bloody hell - I can spell really. Long day.....

TheLightPassenger Tue 13-Nov-12 18:53:27

Ante-natal depression was a big factor in sticking to one. Even though my psych didn't think fear of recurrence should put me off having another child confused.

Lasvegas Wed 14-Nov-12 16:39:24

Didn't have PND. Only ever wanted 1 child. DD is nearly 10 yrs old, and so far no regrets from her me or DH.

whattodoo Wed 14-Nov-12 16:50:04

I had PND. I was always aware that it was medically unlikely that I'd be able to have any more DC, so I do feel cheated that my one and only time as the mother of a newborn was overshadowed by misery.

Arcadia Fri 16-Nov-12 21:12:48

whattodo I know what you mean, I feel so sad that my first few months with DD were such a terrible time for me, and the fact that I will never have the chance to have that experience without feeling so terrible. It was mainly the birth and the aftermath that caused it I think. I don't have medical reasons but I'm not getting any younger, and DP said again last weekend that it is out of the question. All my friends (including some who swore they were sticking at one) are currently pregnant or having babies and I'm finding it really hard to know I will never experience that again.

WitchOfEndor Fri 16-Nov-12 21:16:59

No PND, just sleep deprivation! Couldn't do it again. Plus he's in the throes of the terrible two's tantrums so that doesn't exactly encourage me to want another.

RatHammock Fri 16-Nov-12 21:22:42

No PND here. Problem free pregnancy, easy home birth, BF with no problems for two years but still have absolutely no desire for another child. I am so happy with our little family and with an only we can provide private education, lovely holidays, music lessons, a pony; pretty much everything she wants. With two or more we'd definitely be stretched.

I have a brother with whom I've had no contact for over a decade. I think that sibling relationships are overrated.

I love every new stage I experience with DD but have no wish to revisit any of the earlier stages.

GateGipsy Sun 09-Dec-12 19:16:33

No PND here either. Just that it felt like my family was complete.

Fingerbobs Sun 23-Dec-12 08:45:03

Late to the party but what an excellent thread - my DS is 5, and I'm only beginning to accept that I'm not just crap for not having another. If circumstances - stressful pg, DS back in hospital for feeding probs (that was a real killer as totally undermined any sense of ability to mother), PND and isolation - had been different I'm s sure ad I can be I'd gave more than one. What's hard is accepting that things were just as they were, and it's not that I'm useless, I did the best I could and that didn't include trying again. Whenever I am tempted I know it's because I want to 'get it right', which really I know is a) unreasonable because see above on doing the best I could, b) wildly optimistic because all sorts of other things could go wrong! and c) a bit unfair on my lovely happy charming DS, as if I could discount that effort and make everything perfect. Plus my DP isn't at all keen - although again I can't help but feel if I'd handled things better he would feel differently. I do try not to feel bitter and mostly manage, but I must say my nhs experience was utter shit and they couldn't have find more to make me feel utterly useless. I'm still working on that, but finally realise that almost everyone feels useless from time to time, it's how we'll I can remember all the good things I do that counts. And I do have a particularly lovely DS for my one effort!

thesnowmanrocks Sun 23-Dec-12 13:07:49

I had bad pnd with my ds. Was diagnosed when he was 4 weeks, it was awful and I still feel guilty now for all the awful thoughts and feelings I had.
But looking back now it wasn't me, it was the pnd. And thankfully he is a happy,healthy 4yo. So it hasn't tramatized him,just me.
Gave birth to dd 6 weeks ago so was prepared for the same. But i haven't felt any of those awful thing's. So yes you can have no:2 it could be completley different. I have bonded with her and find it much easier, unlike ds at this stage, and feel so much love. Which didn't happen till much later with ds.
I'm just so thankfull I have found what motherhood should feel like at this stage and what I missed out on with ds.
I would say it's up to how you feel but if you do you know it's a possible risk you take. I'm glad I took the risk.Hth.

Caronline Tue 05-Feb-13 21:03:25

Glad to see this post too. Yes I think my Hyperemesis, traumatic labour and PND have been the reason that I'm sticking to one-my beautiful DD. I am only now (she is 14mo) starting to feel happy and content with my decision instead of feeling ridiculously guilty.xxxx

FCEK Wed 06-Feb-13 21:42:34

yes. I had very little support. HV believed me but doctor said there was nothing wrong with me. Mother finally believed me (late, after about 10 months and a bit of a breakdown!) MIL was a complete and utter cow about how i was parenting, which didn't help, and it took my mum's intervention before she backed off and started being nicer

MsAkimbo Thu 07-Feb-13 19:46:00

I was actually going to start a thread here asking this very question. My DD is 6mo and I've been having horrible bouts of depression. I love her more than anything but really hate how I feel. I am just hoping to get my shit together so I can be a competent mother, period. Let alone with more than one child.

SpiceWeasel Wed 20-Mar-13 06:36:04

Sorry to hear of the woes of those on this thread.

Yes, I am sticking with one, and yes I did have PND.

I like this quoted upthread:

"It's one of many reasons we'll stick with one. "

It's not my only reason- but it is one of them.

Snog Wed 20-Mar-13 06:41:10

I love having one child and haven't experienced pnd.

IncognitoIsMyFavouriteWord Wed 20-Mar-13 06:52:36

No not at all.

DS has always been easy.

I became an LP when DS was 6 months but I coped fine.

I'm a resilient (stubborn) little sod grin

DS was just too easy. I knew I'd never get another as easy as him so I never risked it. grin

redlac Wed 20-Mar-13 06:52:47

One DD and yes I had PND but it was only one of the reasons we stuck at one

abbyfromoz Fri 22-Mar-13 18:05:27

Sorry to hear about your pnd. I have one DD (23 months) and starting to get very frustrated and angry with busy bodies offering their opinion on our family (we should be having another by now according to them). I never had PND as such but suffered a huge amount of stress surrounding the time of my DD's birth. (No family around, no friends with children, very isolated, no more career, friends from work suddenly dropped off the planet, DH's new business, financial stress, relationship issues, etc etc) we have agreed that for the time being we can't put ourselves through it. People say we are selfish- to do it for our daughter, but i think our daughter and any subsequent children of ours will benefit more from loving, doting (sane) parents. Why put yourself and your family through more than you can handle for the time being?

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