Mumsnet Talk

Ok, would really appreciate some advice on the best way of dealing with this.

I'm white, ds (10) is of mixed white/black african descent.

Today, ds said 'I really don't like the way that man in the green car over there always glares at me and sort of pushes his lips in and out when he sees me'.

I asked him how many times this has happened and he said loads, every time he sees him.

I've never noticed this before , probably because my attention is on my toddler dd's safety.

Apparently the man is a grandad to a boy in the year above my son.

Should I

approach him myself and ask him wtf he thinks he's playing at? (my son is dead against this, rightly worried about repurcussions in the playground)

assume he's being a racist twonk and report him straight to police

have a word with the head and ask for her advice.

I think I'm probably going to try and witness him myself first before doing anything, in case he's adjusting his false teeth or something

arrggghhhh

I wouldn't jump to any conclusions. Why would it be race related? There are plenty of older folks round my way that don't like/glare at ANY children. It would be a stretch to accuse them of racism though.

The fact that it is aimed at my ds who is the only non white child in the school is what's leading me to that conclusion, flybynight.

ds himself commented that he doesn't do it to any of his friends.

It's the mimicry of the lips that is bothering me tbh.

you should def try to watch from a (short) distance first as your DS, & other kids, go by.

pink I wouldn't worry tbh..unless he is being vocal about his opinions ignore...anything else happens deal with it openly...

you are right, mumcentreplus, if I confront him, he'll likely only deny it.

I think you do need to find out more.

Your DS may not have noticed if he does this all the time. If it turns out he has a facial tic, you might be glad of a bit of time spent in research.

You need to do more research. You have never noticed it so you can't say if its a tick or something. Your ds doesn't know if he does it to anybody else. He might be a weird glarer, he might be socially awkward, he might have a tic, he might hate all children, he might glare at you ds because your ds stares at him or he might be a racist twonk.

I'm not sure if there's much you can actually do about his behaviour. What could be useful is having a bit of a chat with your DS about why it makes him feel uncomfortable and how and what he can do to cope with how it's making him feel. It may be the first time he's noticed someone acting in a negative/rascist way (assuming that's what's happening) towards him but I can absolutely guarantee it won't be the last and now may be the time to start preparing/talking to him about it.

I'm in a similar situation with my children (I'm white, my DH's black) and we live in a small country town where 99% of the population are white. Mine are a bit younger than yours but I know we're going to have to have this discussion with them at some point. I think the more able we are to carefully prepare them to deal with this sort of nasty behaviour from ignorant people the better.

Fan x

Look at him next time you see his car so you can see what it is he is doing. Don't jump to conclusions, see it for yourself