my muslim SIL is making my life near impossible(29 Posts)
thought this was best here rather than in relationships
bit of background.
met my wonderful DP 5 years ago in our early twenties. he is a british born 'muslim' tunisian. but was very much of the sex, drugs and rock and rull mentality. eats non halal meat, doesnt pray, drinks, smokes... you get the picture
relationship was kept secret from his parents until 2 years ago when i became pregnant with our DS whilst travelling south america together
we came home, fessed up to his family, moved in together...happy days.
his parents and twin brother and older sister accepted me as part of the family from the word go. to his complete suprise they were fine with him having a relationship with me, a white british girl, and are wonderful with our son. they admitted they always knew he would never marry within his 'faith'. his brother and sister are pretty much as lax as him as far as their religion goes and im now very close to his older sister and would consider her a friend as well as my SIL
BUT his other sister (aged 24) is a whole different kettle of fish. very strict muslim. she feels the need to pass judgement on every parenting decision we make. classic examples
- we gave our son a very classic western name - jacob. upon annoucing name SIL decides she is going to give our DS her own traditionally tunisian name as a nickname as she is embarrassed to tell people her nephew has a jewish name?!?
- bumped into her in sainsburys whilst i was with DP and a friend buying bbq supplys. she sees non halal meat in trolley and starts a huge row with DP in the middle of the supermarket basically telling us we are sending our son to hell?!?!
- she refuses to talk in english in PIL home (where she too lives). even to myself or DS. (DS has only ever been spoken to in english). she is british born so has no need to talk in her parents language. they talk fluent english.
- she constantly sends me links to youtube videos about conversion to islam
- she constantly questions my beliefs (christian) and asks what religion DS will be brought up into (none of her fucking business he is 14 months at the moment!)
i could go on but i fear this post is long enough! you get the picture though
and now for the finalle - she has PLANNED yes PLANNED a circumcision and party to follow. for my DS for next weekend as in her words 'we havnt bothered yet so i have taken the worry out of the planning for you'
what the actual fuck?! DP has told SIL to cancel. FIL cant understand the fuss, thinks we might as well go ahead with it. normally very understanding MIL thinks im over reacting. SIL must be rubbing her hands together at the family row she has caused.
DP is fuming. im fuming.
how do i deal with her? im at my whits end. myself and DP have explained politely a million times that she needs to back off.
i cant even avoid her as she lives with PIL
Oops, I'd not read the date! Oh well.
Its difficult to talk properly on this as its the internet but Im well aware dawah is obligatory on everyone. However if people do not want to listen, then this is nothing to do with us as a muslim, because Allah SWT even told this to Mohammed (saw) in parts of the Qur'an, saying that he cannot guide them as he is only a warner, Allah SWT is the one that opens hearts to Islam..etc. The Prophet's example was of an extremely moderate man, kind, gentle by nature and neither rude nor domineering. This is my point. Our sister in Islam (the posters sis in law) should be expressing herself in a much better way, Im sure you will agree with me. As for surah kafirun, I am yet to understand and study the tafsir properly, but from what I did understand it is crystal clear and I dont see what was actually wrong in what I said interpretation wise.
anyway, alhamdulilah, inshaallah the family will resolve these problems and have no more of these incidents x
Ouch! She sounds like a crazy person. This kind of crap is so hard to deal with. It's hard because of course you want to tell her to fuck off an leave you alone but it's family and that's not always easy. I think your DP needs to be he one to tell her where as a family you stand rather than you. My friend was in a similar position and the family got her son circumcised without the mothers knowledge!!!! I would be careful about which family members get to babysit your DS so that doesn't happen. If you don't want him circumcised put your foot down she can plan all she wants doesn't mean it has to happen. Have you got the full support of your DP about this?
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.