ERPC or Natural decision

[scrappydappydoo]

Well I had my miscarriage confirmed this morning.
I have been given the choice of an erpc or just to let nature take its course and I'm struggling.
On the surface an ERPC seems the way to go - less disruption for my DC's and my dh can take allocated time off work to be there. I'm worried if I take the natural option I will be pain and would scare my dds and also my dh is due to go away for all of next week so I would have to deal with it on my own.
However my big niggle is an emotional one - I feel if I had a erpc it would be like I'm making a conscious decision to give up on this pg iyswim whereas if I let nature take its course my body makes the decision. I suppose despite 'knowing' for week that I have MC the news has just not sunk in...
Any advice as to how I can move on and get my head round this...

[daisyj]

scrappy - for you. How far on were you? I dithered about which to do myself - felt the same way as you about erpc, but after a week decided to go ahead as I couldn't stand the uncertainty and wanted to 'move on'. I was booked in for erpc, but when they scanned me again found that the mc was complete. I was 11 weeks, but foetus hadn't developed very far, so the tissue I had already passed was it.

Is this a missed mc you are talking about - i.e. nothing yet happening? I don't know if this is an option for you, but I believe it was acupuncture that helped things along for me. Could that be an option for you, to give nature a hand but without an invasive procedure that would make you feel you were 'getting rid' of your baby.

If you do decide to go the natural route, is there maybe someone you could ask to be with you and/or your dc at short notice for a day or two while your dh is away?

So sorry for your loss. x

[scrappydappydoo]

I am meant to be 8 weeks but I don't think the baby got as far as 4 tbh. I've been bleeding for about 10 days now which is part of the reason that an erpc would be right decision for my dcs as I haven't been able to do much with them and not sure if we could cope with another 2 weeks like this BUT its the pure emotional thing of having to decide to do this that is getting to me

[juuule]

I chose erpc each time. Once it was definite that the pg had ended then I didn't want to drag things out, with the risk of infection, feeling ill, pain. I felt the erpc was the healthier option. Enough to deal with the emotional aspect of m/c without having to deal with the physical if it could be avoided. I also wasn't keen on prolonging everything and worrying about possible complications.

Sorry to hear you are having to go through this. It's difficult. Try to choose the option which will make things easier for you.

[daisyj]

You know, you did everything you could for this new life. I understand that deciding to have an erpc feels like giving up on the baby that you wanted and already loved, but in some ways you can do that baby honour by resolving the physical aspect for your own and DCs sakes, and then taking time to grieve, and mark that life in some way.

You may find that despite the fact you are still bleeding you wouldn't need an erpc, as your body is actually managing to do what it needs. Have the hospital suggested you come back to be re-scanned? If not it sounds to me as if you should request that. If it turns out that you may need an erpc, then they may well have a counsellor that you can talk to about how you feel, and who might be able to give you a perspective.

Hope that helps in some tiny way, but I'm sure others will be along to offer support and thoughts.

[scrappydappydoo]

Thanks juules and daisy - that really helps. The appointment I had this morning was my rescan so there is no doubt
Dr said it could be another 2 weeks if I choose the natural option which I don't think I could do - I just want to move on but it just seems so final...

[daisyj]

That is a long time to wait, I know. I wish you all the best for whatever you decide. Try to take it as easy as you can, and do remember that it will take some time before you can properly move on, and the days you feel OK will gradually start to outweigh the days that you don't. Hope you and your DH can give each other lots of comfort, and that you can take comfort from your dds too.

[pecanpie]

Sorry for your loss. It's a rough time and a difficult decision to make. I had an ERPC with both of my missed miscarriages. Emotionally it was an easier way for me to deal with what had happened - I couldn't face not knowing when and where a natural miscarriage would happen. Having the ERPC immediately gave me the opportunity to start recovering emotionally.

[PumpkinJollster]

So sorry for your loss.

I am the last person I thought would opt for a medical procedure; but I did after my MMC in August. The ERPC was 2 days later and was fine; it was over very quickly and my recovery very fast. For me it was the best choice, and if i had to make the same decision again, would choice ERPC every time.

The only slight niggle I have (as it was a MMC) was whether the sonographer made a mistake. I know he didn't, he got a 2nd opinion.... but there's a small bit of me that replays that 48hour period and regrets I didn't say at the EPU the next day, or at the hospital on the morning of the ERPC... "could you just re-scan to be sure...".

But you have been bleeding, and you are set for a re-scan, so in your situation I would say go for ERPC and start the moving on process.

All the best.

[scrappydappydoo]

Thanks all - I have opted for the ERPC on Friday - bit nervous...
pumpkinjollster - thats exactly whats going through my mind - despite 2 scan saying no I have that niggle they've made a mistake - might ask them to rescan just to reassure me...

[PumpkinJollster]

definitely ask for the re-scan ....

what's the worst thing that can happen, they think you're a neurotic loon

seriously do it

don't be nervous about the procedure - it's totally fine

take care (is it totally not MN to send a hug your way....? )