Hi all,
I've recently had a natural miscarriage, at 10 weeks (first pregnancy, baby measured 10+2; strong heartbeat at 9+5, when it was described as 'perfect'...) and I wrote two epic posts (background + practical stuff) for those who're going through something similar and don't know what to expect here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/2825366-A-10w-natural-miscarriage-story.
I know there's a 'Staying posifrickentive' for ladies who had a miscarriage and are now pregnant, but I haven't seen a similar one for those who've just miscarried or are currently TTC after a miscarriage. I'd love to be able to chat to ladies who've gone through this. The reason? I've only told a handful of people about my miscarriage and I just feel that nobody understands how I feel.
Today was my first day at work after being off for nearly two weeks. And it was bloody hard. I tried to keep a brave face, but it all went downhill when my manager hugged me during our meeting (he knows about it). I then told two colleagues whom I'm really close to. The first, a few years older than me, was really nice about it and we cried and hugged a lot as she remembered the pain she was going through after her mother died. The talk with the other, a bit younger than me, was just weird. So 'clinical' and cold. "Yes, it happens to a lot of women. That's why you should never get attached before the 12-week scan, it's a potential foetus, not 'your baby'."
But it WAS a baby. It was MY baby and I loved him to bits (for some reason I'm convinced it was a boy). His nickname was Poppyseed and both me and DP used to talk to him, telling him about our day, how much we loved him and how happy we were after we saw him dancing in mummy's belly and heard his heartbeat.
The emotional pain is coming in waves... some days I'm almost fine, others I'm a complete mess. There are so many pregnant ladies at work that today I just felt like leaving the office and going home. I'm trying to be strong, but the pain is too much. Physically, I'm almost recovered. Emotionally, I'm really struggling.
Will it ever get easier? I surely hope so because it feels like someone's squeezing my heart really hard and refusing to let go. I feel empty and nobody truly understands it. I have an amazingly supportive DP and wonderful parents, but no matter what they do the pain is still there.
Sorry for yet another long post, just hoping that writing this will be somewhat therapeutic and it might help someone who's feeling as hopeless as I do.
Be kind to yourselves.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
Staying positive after a miscarriage
18 replies
looking4hope · 17/01/2017 18:51
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