Apologies for the self obsessed nature of this post but I need to know if anyone else feels like a completely different person since their loss.
I had an MMC, first baby, last September. It ended up being medically managed which for various reasons was very traumatic. Since then I find myself feeling very different about a number of things and have gone from being quite a very anxious, safety concious type of person to a more risk taking, don't give a damn type of person. For example I want a tattoo, (which I NEVER would have considered before). I have wanted to change my ten year career as a health professional to, amoungst other things, a shop assistant, a writer, a cleaner and currently a fire fighter. I've worked hard to get recognised in a particular area of my current career and now that it is happening I find I don't give a shit.
I recognise that this may all be part of the grieving process. But these things are becoming harder to ignore and what I don't want to do is start anything and then regret it.
We are still trying for a baby but it isn't happening. Everytime it doesn't happen I feel like absolute shit and spend most of my time in a lovely fantasy world in my head where I've run away from everything and found some sort of amazing fantasy life.
Is this normal? Do I just go with how I'm feeling and see what happens?! Am I just being completely fucking stupid?
GirlinDevon I think it sounds like typical grieving to me, but I'm not an expert. Have you had any counselling? Maybe talking through the feelings will help you to work out if those feelings towards your career etc. may have surfaced anyway? I have no pearls of wisdom to offer I'm afraid, I just didn't want to read and run. In my experience, major life events always give me a fresh perspective on what's important. When you've grafted hard for something, it can often be an anti-climax when we achieve the dream. As for the tattoo, some of the cleverest, sensible and considered ladies I've known have had their moment in the tattoo parlour. You sound quite normal to me. Maybe the anxiety is fading because you're braver after all you've been through, but if you're not feeling yourself and are wortied, talk it through.
I think it's normal for a massive life event to make you re-evaluate everything that perhaps you've taken for granted up to now. I wouldn't make any irreversible decisions until you are more sure - sounds like you are dissatisfied with how things are but don't have any firm plans for the future. I really hope a successful pregnancy happens for you very soon and you can start looking towards a future as a family.
girlindevon, so sorry for your loss. I can completely relate to what you are saying and it sounds very normal to me. I had a miscarriage in January 2011, which was then diagnosed as a complete molar pregnancy so I needed hospital follow-up. After the initial feelings of loss, sadness, anger etc. I went a bit crazy and, amongst other things, signed myself up for a 10k run (I don't do running), booked a trip to China with my then toddler, vowed to finish the children's stories I had been tinkering with and decided to completely change career. Like you, I became less risk-averse and more 'what's the worse that could happen?' I went on to finish all the things I started and am now in the process of trying to change career. A good friend said to me that having a miscarriage changes you as a person and I found that to be very true (and neither me nor my friend are usually 'woo' types). I also agree with the poster above who says that big life events can have this effect. I was fortunate to finish my follow up and had DS2 last year but, although it was two years ago, I still think about the mc a lot. I would echo the advice that says don't do anything crazy-rash but at the same time if you want to make changes to your life then do it. I wish you all the best and hope you get to start a family soon.
You sound utterly normal and just like me some years back. My first pg was a mmc and it sucked in ways I can't even put into words. Travel, time, talking, yelling, sobbing and eventually finding my sense if humour again all helped. FWiW. I now have 2 kids. It can happen. Hang on in there and give yourself time. Good luck and here if you need us!