MMC - am I mad to wait for this to happen naturally?

(9 Posts)
Snoopingforsoup Tue 05-Mar-13 09:51:12

I found out last week that I had a MMC around 8 weeks (measuring around 6 weeks apparently). My previous scan had shown a slow heartbeat and I was expecting the worst but the shock was still unbearable. I'd had some light spotting which has completely stopped now. I was offered a D&C but I couldn't decide what to do and I'm still no better off. I have to go back to EPU next week and if it hasn't happened naturally then I'll have to choose a procedure.
I am, like most women in this situation, terrified of anaesthetic and risks despite them being minimal and terrified of it happening naturally while my DC is around. My DH is being brilliant about all of this and wants to support me whatever I choose, secretly I think he wishes I'd book in for a D&C, and honestly it's only pure fear stopping me.
That was our last chance for another DC really. I'm in my 40's with a chronic (but manageable) condition. It was a surprise after all these years. I stopped contraception a couple of years after DC was born and never conceived until now. I had stopped thinking it was possible and had just accepted it - I'm so deliriously happy with DC I have. This MC has just left me shocked and horrified and I feel rather lonely.
Just thought I'd write this down and put it out there. It's been a great help reading experiences on this board over the last week.

HardlyEverHoovers Tue 05-Mar-13 10:22:19

Hi snooping really sorry for your loss. I understand how you must be feeling. I had the same myself about 6 months ago, the pregnancy followed 2 previous miscarraiges, I had loads of morning sickness and was sure this one was OK, practically skipped into the scan to be told the baby had died at 8 weeks. I wanted to wait (having had 2 miscarriages before I felt I knew what I was dealing with), but after a week I changed my mind and went for a D&C, as the waiting was not nice.
You are not mad to wait for it to happen if that is what you feel is right. I completely understand that feeling. However, I must say that I found the D&C fine. It was just a day in hospital, not overnight. The anaesthetic was wierd but not at all bad (the nurse who took me to the operating theatre told me to think of something nice while they were giving me the anaesthetic, so I would wake up feeling nice!), and there was no pain from the procedure at all. I was happy on my own in hospital with a book, but other women in for the same thing had people with them.
In terms of miscarrying naturally, in my experience it doesn't happen suddenly, you get a bit of bleeding and it gradually builds up. Eventually you would probably want some help with DC, but you would have plenty of time to realise it was happening and arrange it.
It's hard emotionally, so do whatever you feel is best for you, and give yourself time to get over it physically and emotionally. I hope whatever you decide, it's OK for you.

Bakingtins Tue 05-Mar-13 10:35:44

Hi Snoop - I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm in the middle of my 3rd MC in the quest for DC3 and this was our last shot. I've done natural MC and medical miscarriage at 8-10 weeks and had effectively a D+C/ERPC for retained placenta after the birth of my son. The anaesthetic and the D+C was fine, I didn't feel unwell afterwards. My experiences of natural/medical miscarriage have been pretty painful and distressing. I agree with hardly that you will probably have plenty of warning that it's happening and be able to get home with a hot water bottle and a DVD box set. Maybe you could line up some friends willing to take your DC for a bit if/when you need them to. In your shoes I would choose an ERPC mainly to get out of the limbo bit and because then you have notice to arrange childcare for your DC for the day, but of course you are not mad if you prefer to wait and let nature take her course. I doubt I'll be offered the choice because I'm already bleeding heavily. There's more info on the options here Happy to chat if you want to, it is a bit less lonely when you realise how many others are going through something similar.

Snoopingforsoup Tue 05-Mar-13 10:46:40

Thank you Hardly. I am so sorry to hear what happened to you but I truly appreciate you sharing your experiences. I'm not feeling as hormonal and I am starting to feel more rational about the loss. I've had plenty of cramping and pressure in my lower back but no proper bleeding yet. It's the management of the miscarriage which is causing me the greatest angst at present.
The gynaecologist I saw yesterday threw me a little as he was suggesting pills which I hate the sound of. He said it required an overnight stay etc. which I'd never even considered. I went there with the intention of booking a surgical procedure ASAP. It was just another option and I left with a follow up appointment for next week or, the option of booking in today for this week. He seemed so keen on the pills I started questioning if it would be he doing a D&C and if so, why was he trying to dodge it! Paranoid huh? I should've just taken the option last week after the scan because the doctor was lovely and I trusted her. I chose to go to a closer hospital for practical reasons and now feel confused and tempted to sit it out to see if I can avoid any kind of medical intervention. Of all the misery this situation brings, I never thought this choice would be the hardest part. I think I'm still in shock...I'm normally so decisive and so sure of what I'm doing...I'm clearly flapping on this. Perhaps I need to busy myself until I feel completely sure. Thanks again.

Snoopingforsoup Tue 05-Mar-13 11:07:43

Baking I just had a little tear reading that. I'm so sorry to read of your experiences too. There's definitely a lot to be gained from the surgical method in terms of drawing a line under the situation and moving on. I can never remember the acronym for this and still use the old fashioned term, D&C, though I know it's out of date.
I guess I have time to get my head around the fact that it's going to be needed. I just can't believe the spotting has stopped, though I did have that with DC.
I wish you well and hope this is over for you soon so you can heal. It's so grotty and though I could empathise with those who'd been through it before, I could never have truly understood just how awful this really is. I will have a look at the link. Thank you so much for responding.

Bakingtins Tue 05-Mar-13 13:26:00

When I had medical management they didn't keep me in long - just for a few hours after the first tablets (when they say 'take' the tablets they actually mean insert it by your cervix on a tampon) to make sure I didn't react badly, then I did the second dose the next day at home.

Emmah1706 Tue 05-Mar-13 13:29:25

Report

emmah623
37 minutes
To you all who have had the heartbreaking experience of a missed miscarriage or miscarriage, my heart goes to you and I'm so sorry . My partner and I found out I was pregnant the day after my birthday in June 2012. I had bad morning sickness so took this as a good sign that my hormone levels were high and that everything was going well. I got my appointment through for my 12 week scan and as everybody is, we were so excited that we were going to see our baby for the first time. As the day approached I felt overwhelmed and definitely did not expect to hear that sadly our little baby had passed at 8wks 4days. I will never forgot the look on my partners face as we were told the news, as i had had no signs at all. I was then walked through a waiting room of expectant mothers happily gazing at their scan pictures, which just seemed so cruel. I was told in aftercare that I would have go home to wait a further two weeks to see if my body would start to miscarry naturally, as the baby hasn't reached the 9wks they couldn't intervene until after the two week waiting point. It was torture, walking around knowing I was still carrying my baby but knowing at any point I would inevitably lose our precious baby. I was 14wks 2days 'pregnant' when it started just 1 day before I was due back to hospital, it was agony. Nothing like the 'bad period' I was told. I had contractions leading up to it and the bleeding was like a murder scene. I passed 3 large tissues the size of my fist. I didn't seen my little baby pass and i think to be honest I wouldn't have known what to do with myself if I had. Sorry if its too much info but I wish people had prepared me more for what I would actually endure. That's why I wanted to share my story. However though I started to miscarry naturally 2weeks on I was still cramping and passing tissue so returned to hospital(each time was horrific as I was sat with people still carry their babies, which made me breakdown everytime) the nurse said in time it will pass so I left it for another week. A week on after that I was still bleeding, cramping passing tissue so had another scan. There was a lot of little bits of tissue left which is why it was still going on. At this point I was offered a d and c (I did feel a bit of resentment as if I'd been given this option when we were first given the news I would have never had to go through all the trauma and pain for now a month) after the d and c I felt instantly physically better and recovered within a week..it does take you're body a while to get back to normal as I didn't get a period until 3months after the d and c. 7 months on I still find it difficult seeing people with newborns and being pregnant, and now my due date has passed a feel a little more at peace. It's a rollercoster and with love and support you will get though it. My partner and I decided to have a year of fun together before we try again. Treat ourselves to nice hols and letting ourselves recover from this sad loss. I know some people want to try again straight away but I feel I need time to let my body and mind come to terms with it all still. We planted two beautiful memorial roses for our baby so she/he is always there. Sorry for the long story but I know when I was initially going through it the more stories I read from ladies that had experienced it the more comforted I felt. Take care, look after yourself and know that you're not alone. X

Snoopingforsoup Tue 05-Mar-13 13:47:13

Oh Emmah, that's so awful. I'm so sorry to hear what you went through. For what my opinion is worth, it sounds like a good idea to give yourself time off before trying again. Everyone is different in what they're happy with. I wish you the best for the future.

Emmah1706 Tue 05-Mar-13 13:51:05

Thank you snooping, you too, sending you best wishes

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now