A Christmas hand-holding thread for all who have suffered losses or are waiting

(36 Posts)
spiderlight Mon 24-Dec-12 19:05:19

Just that, really....I'm trying to be Christmassy for my DS, but all the while I'm thinking 'this time last week....' and dreading going to stay with the in-laws on Thursday. We'd planned to tell them about the baby by making a card with a scan pic wearing a Santa hat sad

MonthlyWishesCameTrue Sun 30-Dec-12 13:09:14

Hi all thanks for the thread, actively miscarrying at the moment, was due back at the hospital this evening to start medical management but started bleeding last night. Had thought over Christmas that pregnancy was going to last. Feel like I have missed Christmas completely this year and the same with new year. We are spending the next few days ( me and DH) just holed up at home with no visitors. Told dm my very brief and factual phone call and brothers my Facebook message and told them we would be out of contact. I suppose we are lucky in a way that we do not have children and have to be a give and exited for them around Christmas, can't imagine doing this whilst having to look after anyone.

Quodlibet Sun 30-Dec-12 16:32:22

Sorry to hear that Monthly. I empathise completely with the feeling that you need a break to get over the Xmas break, like everyone on this thread ours has been incredibly stressful. Hope you and DH get to spend some quiet time together to recovering and being kind to yourselves.

MonthlyWishesCameTrue Sun 30-Dec-12 19:27:03

Thanks quod didn't expect to feel so ill with it.
Had a lucky escape from long term visitor today. DH texted Dmil to tell her as she knew about pregnancy. Had a missed call then nothing and then 2 hours later a text saying she'll be there in 2 hours! She lives 2 hours away. She said she had a car full of food and was coming up to look after us. DH managed to convince her that the best thing was just to be on our own for a few days and I was doing nothing except being in bed and going to the bathroom.
I know her intentions where really good so I'm ok with her wanting to come up. She did ask DH if I was going to be "washed out" as she had 3 miscarriages 30-40 years ago and what sounds like surgical management was stand treatment back then, the theory being that it prevented infections

spiderlight Tue 01-Jan-13 15:09:40

i survived four days with the in-laws, primarily by coming down with flu as soon as we got there and hiding in the bedroom/behind a book most of the time. Our lovely little toddler niece attached herself to me and MIL kept saying that she could just see me with a little girl - so hard not to say anything, but I couldn't ruin their Christmas. Got home to discover that I've missed my scan because the letter arrived on Friday for an appointment the same day and we were away until Sunday, so I'll have to ring tomorrow and hope they'll rebook it or say I don't need it. The one good thing is that the bleeding has totally stopped. Am feeling lousy with flu though and have had a 40-degree fever for three days. Never felt so ill in my life as I did yesterday. I'd be worried about infected retained products, but DH has the same thing so it's probably just a coincidence.

So sorry, MonthlyWishes sad

spiderlight Tue 01-Jan-13 15:09:48

i survived four days with the in-laws, primarily by coming down with flu as soon as we got there and hiding in the bedroom/behind a book most of the time. Our lovely little toddler niece attached herself to me and MIL kept saying that she could just see me with a little girl - so hard not to say anything, but I couldn't ruin their Christmas. Got home to discover that I've missed my scan because the letter arrived on Friday for an appointment the same day and we were away until Sunday, so I'll have to ring tomorrow and hope they'll rebook it or say I don't need it. The one good thing is that the bleeding has totally stopped. Am feeling lousy with flu though and have had a 40-degree fever for three days. Never felt so ill in my life as I did yesterday. I'd be worried about infected retained products, but DH has the same thing so it's probably just a coincidence.

So sorry, MonthlyWishes sad

Carolinewilliams Tue 01-Jan-13 16:27:41

Hi, sorry to hear of all your losses. I too am currently going through a miscarriage, at 10 weeks, after 3 horrific weeks of waiting to see if my baby would grow. I've had no interest in Christmas or new year and glad it's all over and I don't feel like I have to put a brave face on anymore. This was our first baby and we were so excited to find out we were pregnant. I'm struggling with the miscarriage - physically the pain is horrific (mainly in the evening, don't know if this is normal or not?)and the loss of blood and clots is so upsetting- and emotionally I can't quite come to terms with it. I'm convincing myself that my scan in two days will show a heartbeat - such an awful thing. So sorry for you all. Hope that 2013 brings you all healthy pregnancies xxx

spiderlight Wed 02-Jan-13 17:29:05

I had all my pain in the evenings as well. My GP said it's quite common. Prescription co-codamol and ibuprofen helped, as did hot wheat bags and TENS, but it was still awful. So sorry you're going through it as well sad

MonthlyWishesCameTrue Wed 02-Jan-13 18:28:29

EPU here have given me an appointment next week for further hcg tests just to check everything has finished. Going to go tomorrow for what would have been routine pregnancy appointment to get signed off work until end of next week.

Spider, if you still have a temperature and severe pain, worth checking out just in case it is an infection?

Caroline I can't imagine waiting three weeks. For me it all happened fairly quickly, even though I thought things weren't good as digital tests never went up. I started bleeding the same day I had my scan so didn't have to wait for follow up to see if things were improving or not. Hope you're ok

JBrd Fri 04-Jan-13 01:07:04

Sorry to hear about all your losses. I'm also currently going through miscarriage, would've been 10 weeks yesterday. It's been such a rollercoaster, and I feel completely drained, both physically and emotionally.
I started bleeding heavily on Dec 16, passing clots and all, and had a scan at the EPU a couple of days later, when they saw an empty sac.
However, my hCG levels from the 2 subsequent blood tests went up instead of down, so they asked me back for another scan on the 24th, we had to cancel all our Christmas travel plans - and to my utter surprise found a heartbeat! I was gobsmacked and dumbfounded... But worried at the same time because I was measuring more than 2 weeks smaller than I should've been (and I was very sure about my dates).

However, around NYE, I had started to become a bit more positive that this might all have a good outcome, started making plans again etc. The bleeding had also stopped - when on Tuesday evening I suddenly passed a huge lump of tissue, followed by a smaller one on Wednesday morning. I took them to EPU, where they confirmed my fears - it was pregnancy tissue, and I am miscarrying after all.
The EPU will not do anything else, no scan, no blood test, as everything seems to take a natural course. They were concerned about risk of infection, though, so I am now on antibiotics. I am to do a pregnancy test in 3 weeks, and that's it.

I am lucky in that the physical side of it has not affected me too much so far, the bleeding is manageable, and so is the pain, but I'm struggling emotionally... I have a DS, and during that pregnancy I worried so much about mc. This time round I was very naive to assume that all would be OK, just because it went well before.
I feel so tired and drained, could sleep all the time.

spiderlight Mon 07-Jan-13 13:51:04

So sorry, JBrd - what a rollercoaster sad

MonthlyWishesCameAndWent Tue 08-Jan-13 20:42:07

jbrd sounds like you've had a horrible time. I'm so sorry.
I feel fairly lucky that my mc was fairly simple and straight forward. Knew onthe Friday something was wrong, scanned Saturday and started loosing naturally on Saturday. I can't imagine what you went through with the relief and hope of when you saw the heart beat.

It sound like epu vary a lot. I'm not sure if I'm going back for a blood test because its usual practice or I was seen out of hours and didn't have the usual advice given etc from epu

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