Men and MC

(9 Posts)
BoyMeetsWorld Thu 20-Dec-12 20:29:48

Why do some men just not 'get' it? hmm I've heard lovely stories of some people's DHs becoming all protective and super caring when they MCd.

Mine has so far stropped when I said I wasn't sure I could do this again & exclaimed "oh good there might be an aldi next to the hospital!" so he can go off & finish the Christmas food shop whilst I'm having ERPC. Lovely.

Feel a bit alone & hurt.

molly29 Thu 20-Dec-12 21:10:00

Mine didn't get it either, but to woman we think of it as a baby as soon as we have the posative result. In my experience they only get it when they hold them in their arms. You will get through this. It must be hard on the other hand, that they can't fix this for us and that they can't understand. Take care of yourself.Thinking of you.x

JBrd Fri 21-Dec-12 16:42:38

My DH is lovely and caring, and I think he's worried about me. But I don't get the impression that he's overly distraught or sad. When I asked him a couple of days ago, when it was all happening hard and fast, how he was feeling, he thought I meant his work and started talking about that hmm. In his defence, he had a lot of important work stuff happening, but still...

Bakingtins Sat 22-Dec-12 15:25:08

They don't get it at all. My DH whilst I was in bed recovering started to tell me about how some work project had been taken out of his hands and used the phrase "I feel like my baby has been taken away"
um well since I'm the one sitting in floods of tears and you are fine, obviously not
I know he loves me and our children, but to him a pregnancy is "just cells" there is no emotional attachment at all.

Same with mine. At most he's sad because I'm sad I think. He has admitted as much that it's not something that figures into his thoughts as a real baby until the day of delivery. I have to confess I am very envious when I hear of mothers having their bumps stroked affectionately etc - I had to beg him to feel kicks even for our firstborn. I thought he was going to be an appalling father as a result but he's not - he does love our children very much. But they're not real to him until he can actually see them, which makes my miscarriages a very lonely and depressing business as he's my only support in real life really. When you need them the most and all that.. sad

So sorry to hear of your loss.

ShortyNTS Mon 24-Dec-12 22:40:27

My DH is a loving and caring guy, but I currently feel the pits and all he can do is ask of I'm ok, and what can I really say, no sorry DH we just made a huge decision, and I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life, lets just carry on as normal shall we. Really does not get it, always thought he was something special, but what a realisation I just had

MonthlyWishesCameTrue Mon 31-Dec-12 09:54:54

My DH is being good looking after me physically and doesn't like seeing me being ill, in pain, crying but he doesn't feel anything emotionally like I am. I asked him how he felt and he said he just wanted to look after me this week whilst i am actively miscarring and think about it next week. I agree that to them it's hard to imagine if you've not seen a scan or a huge bump or a baby etc

SophieBirkBirk Sat 05-Jan-13 22:32:15

With all my 3 miscarriages my partner has reacted emotionally worse, but yet when I fall pregnant he instantly thinks of a nickname and connects straight away. Especially with the baby boy we lost at 23weeks.

Hope you all have alot of support, swnding sticky vibes for 2013! thanks

Countmyblessings Fri 11-Jan-13 17:11:56

It's hard for men as they have no real connection in the early days,weeks and as we are the ones pregnant are bodies connect as soon as we see 2 lines! Try talking to him and breakdown what you want him to do while you both deal with this loss!!! They are not great at guessing or mind reading and its best to spell it out to them!!!
I broke down after my 3rd and my husband just cried asking me why I never told him after each period I got worse and I was just in a mood!!!
Sorry for all your losses and take care!

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