A story of Hope - success after 6 miscarriages

(30 Posts)
MsJL Sat 06-Oct-12 17:56:44

I wanted to tell people a little of my experience as I have turned to mumsnet on various occasions over the last few years.

My last post on here was rather desperate - it was Christmas week and after a three month burst of trying to get pregnant (again) I had just got my period. I was about to turn 38 and was finding it hard to cope with the prospect of Christmas, birthday and New Year.

After my third mc I was referred to St Mary's at Paddington. On the whole I found it a fairly depressing place and experience. We were also lucky enough to get an appt with Mr Shehata at Epsom and St Helier where I had tests for NK cells. We paid to have appointments at Zita West and CARE in Notttingham. Every single investigation came back normal and there were no other tests to be had. It was increasingly hard to draw comfort from normal test results when our experience was one of repeated loss with no explanation and I was approaching my 40's. It was physically and mentally draining and I felt as if my life had been in limbo for three years whilst other people seems to pop out babies with no problem. As I checked off mc after mc I felt that I had to make other people feel better about our loss as they simply didn't know what to say anymore. It was harder for people to offer the usual platitudes and we had to accept that things were unlikely to change. Twice, I called our local authority for adoption information. I found myself feeling completely overwhelmed when I thought about not being a mum and being unable to give my husband our longed for baby. I felt incredibly alone a lot of the time and isolated from many of our friends. I would look for people who had similar experiences (on here) and only found people who already had children despite suffering the horror of repeated mc or people who had specific medical conditions which were resolved by different treatments or medication and whilst my heart went out to them I just felt even more hopeless.

In September of last year after giving ourselves a bit of a break after mc number 6 in March 2011 we decided to try for three months or one more pregnancy as we couldn't keep putting ourselves through the same devasting experience and needed to move on with our lives. In January I discovered I was pregnant again and again I feared I would lose it - I had bleeding at exactly the same stage as the other pregnancies but as the weeks moved on the bleeding stopped, we braced ourselves for an early scan at 9/10 weeks. There was a heartbeat and we were slightly further along than previously so we allowed ourselves to be cautiously optimistic. In reality, I was a bag of nerves but as we progressed through the 12 week scan and then the 20 week scan we relaxed a little.

Our DD was born last month. I've had no treatment and nothing is different to those other 6 pregnancies, apart from this this time (to use Lesley Regan's term) we got our 'take home baby'. Her middle name is 'Hope'.

I am indebted to three people for keeping me sane, my DH, a fantastically warm and witty acupuncturist and an NHS counsellor who I managed to get in my life after much pushing (and two rejections locally). It was worth it.

Cheffie100 Sun 04-Nov-12 20:36:58

Amazing and wonderful story- thanks for sharing

MsJL Fri 26-Oct-12 19:54:05

lotsofcheese I am so relieved for you. I completely understand how you feel. I dread scans. At the one (9+6) we had back in January, whilst internally probing me, the consultant said 'tell me about the other pregnancies and at what stage they ended?'. I uttered 'FFS' under my breath and went on to list them. It seemed like forever before he said 'well I've got some good news' I'm not sure that I was really able to believe in the good news until I was handed my daughter!

CapainHoratioWragge I know those days so well and hope that something happened this week to lift you however small. Getting AF, or potential due dates are the days when you just feel floored. Time for a glass of wine for you methinks. In terms of moving on I hope you have been referred for some tests in case it's something restively simple for you. I'm really sorry for your losses.

lotsofcheese Fri 26-Oct-12 18:57:50

Thank you for asking, MrsJL My scan was good, dated as 10+2 on Wednesday.

After having such a meltdown on Sunday, I felt strangely calm before the scan & was annoyed at myself for feeling that way!

My DP had to remind me to breathe during the scan! I was so shocked to have a good scan that I wandered around the shops in a complete daze afterwards.

I have another in 2 weeks - fingers crossed till then!!!

MsJL Fri 26-Oct-12 18:39:46

I feel I need to reply to BlameItOnTheCuervForHumanBlood - I hope you will understand that I posted not to boast or to blindly encourage people to relentlessly pursue parenthood but because I had sought support on Mumsnet and wanted to let people know what had happened when my last post of Dec '11 was quite bleak and rather hopeless. It is also mercifully rare to experience such RMC loss with childlessness and I wanted to address the impact that has emotionally, physically and socially.

I'm incredibly sad that you have not had your longed for second child and I wish you every bit of love when you find yourself so dark and low. Have you been offered counselling at all? I was never once offered it and when I asked for it on three separate occasions was told:

1. I wasn't a suitable candidate
2. There was no urgency for me to have it as nothing in my life was going to change (I did mention at this time that I could suffer a further mc and was concerned at my ability to cope with it)
3. There was a 5 month waiting list and I could go on it if I really wanted.

I had to really push to get help, ironically of course at a time when I found it the hardest to be strong. I agree that 14 losses is too much too bear and you're clearly incredibly strong to have come through it and to have made that decision with your DH.

lotsofcheese I was 9+6 when I had my first scan with this pregnancy so I'm hoping that's a good omen. Will you let me know how you get on?

lemonsherbert am sending you much love. Do you have a scan scheduled?

CaptainHoratioWragge Sat 20-Oct-12 18:50:05

Thank you for starting this thread, MsJL, I can imagine you have other things to do with your time at the moment, and it is much appreciated that you took the trouble.

I have had a very down day today, first AF after MC last month, (my third MC in a row) and your story has given me hope.

lemonsherbet Sat 20-Oct-12 18:43:47

Can I thank you for this thread. I am currently on pregnancy number 5. I am still to get my take home baby. I was struggling since I am 5 weeks pregnant and there are time I think I will never get there. Thank you for giving me hope.

BlameItOnTheCuervForHumanBlood Fri 19-Oct-12 16:59:37

oh god, don't its all pain. I had some very, VERY dark points. after one mc I climbed onto a bridge, ready to jump. it was and is shit. but it wasnt good for me to keep looking for something that wasnt happening.

we did consider adoption, but I was adopted by my SD and come from an abusive family, so wouldnt feel comfortable. we have ds. he's wonderful. and thats more than I ever thought I would get.

CottonSock Fri 19-Oct-12 16:47:44

Me neither. I really need to stop feeling sorry for myself.
Can I ask, did you ever consider adoption?

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Fri 19-Oct-12 16:23:32

Oh BlameIt, 14 miscarriages? I can't begin to imagine how that was for you.

BlameItOnTheCuervForHumanBlood Fri 19-Oct-12 14:32:13

can I just post something slightly different. I have had 14 unexplained miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. I have one ds, and the mc's and the ep have been since he was born. we have been ttc for dc2 for 7 years, my last mc was 6m ago.

dh and I sat down and discussed how it was making us feel, he didnt want to have sex in case I got pregnant. I was terrified and jumpy, and blamed myself. in the end, we decided to stop. It wasnt easy, when you want something so badly, its hard to let go of it, but last month I had the coil fitted and it honestly feels like a weight has been lifted. all the pressure has gone, I no longer resent my body for being so faulty, and I can appreciate that I am lucky to have ds.

congratulations op, and I hope the rest of you get your babies. but I just wanted to say, theres no shame in letting go, if it is making you miserable.

lotsofcheese Fri 19-Oct-12 14:19:06

Thank you for sharing, your post had bought tears to my eyes. What a wonderful story.

I'm sitting at 9+6, I hope, after 2 mc. Metalling severely today as I'm at almost exactly the same stage I lost the last pregnancy. Apart from I had no idea as it was a mmc. Got another scan next week but completely lost confidence in my body.

If this little one makes it, and is a girl, her middle name will be Hope too.

MsJL Fri 19-Oct-12 11:33:18

CottonSock I really wish you all the very best with this pregnancy and send you much strength at what I know is an incredibly stressful time. I'm sure you know I'm such a rare statistic and there's every reason for you to have faith that this time things will come good for you. x

CottonSock Thu 18-Oct-12 18:06:25

Thank you for your story. Looking for some positve vibes after just getting my 3rd positive test, 2 previous MS. Not sure how many times I can put myself through it. Hopefully its third time luck for us. You are strong ladies to keep going.. x

dontmixthecolours Thu 11-Oct-12 19:39:12

Huge huge congratulations. Ive had 4 miscarriages (and 2 perfect DDs) and have decided we won't ever have our longed for DC3. I so admire your strength and am delighted you have your DD. Enjoy her!

MsJL Thu 11-Oct-12 19:33:53

whiteandyelloworchid We didn't try for 5 months after mc no. 6 but I really don't think that had anything to do with it. I was just exhausted from being in miscarriage groundhog day and felt I couldn't cope if I went through it again. We went to a festival and had a boozy and fun weekend in Edinburgh. I was just sick of being miscarriage woman and felt like I needed a bit of a break before we braced ourselves for a further try.

theaccidentalexhibitionist My heart goes out to you. Only you and your husband will know if you can go through it again. I understand what you mean about other people's opinions and it's hard to manage that but it's really down to you. I didn't even tell my mum about mc no. 6 and we only shared our news with one person prior to 14 weeks this time. It's interesting that you and your DH have had such a life change - I wanted to leave the country but it wasn't a practical option for us and I think truthfully what I wanted to get away from was myself. I did leave the company I worked for for 11 years and although I do the same job that was the only different factor in my life.

Much love to anyone considering trying again. I wish you strength and love.

BangOffTrend Mon 08-Oct-12 17:43:36

Thank you for coming on here to tell your wonderful story. We all need such encouragement.

NotInGuatemalaNowDrRopata Mon 08-Oct-12 14:51:01

Congratulations!

kate2boysandabump Mon 08-Oct-12 14:44:04

Congratulations on your new baby.
What an inspirational story smile

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Mon 08-Oct-12 14:41:15

Thanks so much for sharing that.
We are considering TTC again after 5 MMC. The last one ended in botched surgery and I felt I just couldn't continue, I was a physical and emotional wreck.
That was 18 months ago, in the meantime we've moved to a different country and DH and I have much less stressful jobs and I've recovered physically and emotionally.
I've found my mojo again in life, thank goodness but not being able to carry is like an itch I can't scratch.
I'm so torn about TTC again, we are lucky enough to have a DS already. He has Autism and TBH I find him completely exhausting. I'm worried how I'd cope if I did have a child, particularly if they too have special needs.
We have no family around us and my DS will have no-one to look after him when he's older so a sibling would help him feel not so alone when he's older.

Sorry I've taken over your thread, but your post has touched me. It's gotten to the stage that friends would be upset if we tried again as we've been through so much already so TTC would be more secretive IYSWIM. Good to know there can be success after so much heartbreak.

whiteandyelloworchid Sun 07-Oct-12 17:42:36

great news, may i ask how long you gave yourself a break from ttc for?
wondering if thats what i should do and for how long

MrFranklyShankly Sat 06-Oct-12 22:25:45

Congrats mrsjl.....what a great ending to a very emotional story...hope is indeed an appt name for ur beautiful little gift of a daughter...njoy every moment with her...thanks for giving us all hope:-)

Congratulations! My oldest daughter's middle name is also 'Hope' for the same reason (although I had 3 losses not 6). Thank you for sharing your story here.

apachepony Sat 06-Oct-12 20:18:04

Congratulations! Just had one mc, can''t iimagine 6. All the best for the 3 of you in the future

GupX Sat 06-Oct-12 20:14:02

HUGE congratulations.

We also had success after many miscarriages and 7 years of trying.

There is hope - and good on you for posting this.

smile

CheckItOutFartShoes Sat 06-Oct-12 20:09:18

What a lovely story MsJL! Enjoy every minute of your DD - congratulations! xx

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