advice on seeing pictures of my beautiful 17wk gestation son...

[cupcake78]

I had a MC about 6 years ago, the details of which im not going to go into but at the time I couldn't bring myself to see my baby. The nurses too pictures and kept them in my medical notes for me to access.

I have thought about these pictures constantly and am thinking of asking for them but have no idea what to expect or what he may look like. I was told after having him that he was perfect and their was not reason for the MC.

Anyone ever seen a baby that small? My mum is against it and says its a bad idea but im finding grieving for him difficult as I have no physical identity to put with it.

Cupcake... I'm so sorry you lost your baby. I lost my little girl a few weeks ago, and although she was alive for six days so it's different for me, I can say I look at her photos every day. I think if I was in your position I would have wondered what the photos were like, and it would be difficult to either put them out of my head or to be brave enough to look at them.

I think it's a very personal decision, but one possibility would be to get someone you trust to look at them and tell you if they think it's a good idea.

If you could talk to someone about how you feel Sands are a good place to find support. Take care...

I have considered that and am wondering about it as an option. I have good days and bad days. Im generally not mentally well at the but I know some of that is down to this miscarriage and the sense of unresolved greif. Its also a sign that im getting stronger as before I was considering it but not in the same way as I am today.

I set up a memory box for my little man complete with scans, hand and foot prints and his blanket but knowing his pictures are not in the box makes it feel like its not complete. DH doesn't want to see the pics and this is the main reason I have kept them out the house. He has said he doesnt mind and understands if I need them and we have agreed that If i kept them in a closed envelope in the box then his choice is still being respected.

Its such a tough decision as I fear what will come from it and I worry its not going to help.

dear cupcake so sorry for the loss of your little baby boy!
I lost my DD2 Sterre last year at 20 weeks, but she was only the size of a 16-17 week old baby. We held her and took pictures of her and also received some very nice pictures of the hospital in black and white.
I don't know whether your son's pictures will be in black and white or in colour, but be prepared that if you see them in colour he will look very red.

I am expecting him to look almost purple and very very small with his eyes tight shut. I dont think im being unrealistic about my expectations. I spoke to my mum about it who is not keen on my looking, she said to be 'he wont look like a real baby' and this has really worried me.

I saw my baby when I mc at 12 weeks old and honestly that baby was extremely tiny yet so perfect in every way.

He'll be about the size of your hand and will definitely look like a real baby!

Thank you! He was my little boy and always will be loved and missed very much. Losing him was the worse experience of my life and its taking so much longer than I thought to learn to live with the loss.

Its very hard being a mum to 3 children yet people only seeing one.

Cupcake, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I lost twin boys 8 years ago at 17 weeks. I saw them at the time and they were beautiful, absolutely perfect. Like the previous posters said, they were tiny and their skin was quite red.

The midwife who was looking after us was brilliant and explained all this to us before we saw them as we were unsure at the time too, but I am glad we did.

I would have loved a picture but it didn't occur to us at the time.

It does take time to learn to live with it, take care. x

Sorry for your loss, I lost my son last year at 20 weeks. There are pictures on my profile if you would like to see.

He was quite red as other posters have said he Was perfect and looked very much like his brothers x

My baby was the size of my hand and quite red toned skin. Otherwise was very recognisable as a baby.