I hardly need say !
DH and I have been happily married 13 years and together, what, 16 years? 2 DSs, youngest 11. I'm 49, DH 51.
I am- well, what am I? Peri-menopausal? Menopausal? Erratic sometimes flooding periods, hot flushes, hormonal and have been for the past maybe 18 months.
Thing is, really, over the past maybe 4 or 5 years, my never-rampant interest in sex has dwindled to nothing! I'd say that over these past 4-5 years, it'd be fair to say I'd be 'up for it' in a narrow window around ovulation, maybe one or 2 days, which is when I tended to instigate it which was working OK for both of us as DH hasn't got the highest sex-drive either.
Just recently, 2 things have happened: I don't dread having sex but I see it as a bit of a marital 'chore' and have to use a lot of lube- I'm just never that interested, but I wish I was!; and DH has 'failed' on 2 of the last 4 occasions- once when we were interrupted; once (last night) when he paused to put a condom on. He has also, of late, been taking ages to come to the point where I'm getting sore.
Thing is, I just about never feel horny any more! Looking at porn doesn't 'do it' (not a thing DH and I do together or would be comfortable about doing. We're not that adventurous, really!) and I don't ever feel I want to jump a passing bloke's bones. And it really doesn't bother me if I never had penetrative sex again!
DH, of course, is feeling his 'issues' more acutely. First 'failure' I discovered he'd been googling Viagra online. I wouldn't want him to go there as, frankly, I don't want an engorged sex-monster trying to hump me for hours on end!
I feel it would be 'nice' if we could maybe get back into regular sex, but when I say that, I do mean maybe once a month! Whilst I say we are happily married I am also aware that it doesn't pay to be smug. DH, like me, is no major catch. I am being harshly realistic here: he is a great bloke, kind, etc etc but is short with a beer belly and pathologically shy, very non-blokey; I'm 5'5" and 12 1/2 stone, so I am also no catch, but that's not what this is about. I'm not scared he'll 'stray' but I feel I owe it to him to 'explore our options'.
This is the thing:
Should he consider a vasectomy so he doesn't 'lose it' when slipping on a condom?
Would some sort of HRT have an additional benefit of restoring a vestige of my sex drive? Is there anything else I could consider, even as a one-off once a month or so?
Please don't go suggesting 'mood music' and massages. We're just not that sort of people! I am also not big on blow jobs or cunnilingus BUT I will certainly do the former as required! I am not seeking to return to the first heady days of our courtship but I do think 50 is a bit young to be giving up on our sex life!
What do you think?
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Menopause
No Sex please, we're....50?!
6 replies
Erebus · 17/04/2012 12:03
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