Mumsnet Talk

Have many of you managed to maintain a good relationship with your inlaws after a split.
I have always been closer to my inlaws than ex was and feel very sad we may not be able to maintain that relationship now my marriage is over

I'm going to stay with mine for three days after Christmas, they have been OK with me, they did take his side initially but I soon put them straight on exactly what he had been up to!

I'm not really bothered if I see them or not, but I remind myself that DD is is their grandaughter as much as she is my parents? So I do it for them and her to have a relationship.

Hope you can get it all sorted.

x

Well they will see them regularly, as ex is moving in with them and his contact is at their house.
I will just miss them if I cannot maintain some sort of relationship, mil has been a really close friend for 16 years.
I know she is hurting atm, she hates the idea of us not working it out, but his shagging someone else for a year put a stop to that!
Just hope she can move past it

I am better friends with my in law after me and my husband split. When I was with the alcoholic son I was the reason he drank blah blah blah.

However, when we spilt up and he moved back with his parents, they realised how much I had actually put up with and they are really good friends with me now. My children still see them once a week (now my exh has died). I think she respects me more for all that I put up with that she was oblivious to.

My divorced friends with 3 kids has a wonderful relationship with her mil, better than ever.

She is very flexible about the kids' dad seeing the kids outwith the court appointed times which probably helps

Mine dropped me like a stone. I still feel hurt, they had stayed in my house for weeks on end and came on holiday with us numerous times at our expense. They came once for coffee at my invitation after he left me for OW and have never been back since. His dad said if i was a better wife then he wouldnt have left - they didnt know about his previous affairs and refused to believe their son could do any wrong. It hurt me enourmously - still does

Elastamum, that is my biggest fear. I know she will feel compromised once she is introduced to ow and will find it hard to remain friendly with me, as she will feel she is being disloyal to her son

I am within reason with mine, we talk about DS, sometimes MIL will ask about my life. think she respects now what XH put me thru - then again I also know she keeps me on side so I don't stop them seeing DS (not that I would)

they say i'll always be their DIL and I guess they always will be my PIL. either way they're DS's extended family so I am civil to them for that.

There's no love loss thou really- we get on better now XH & I split up as when we were together i'd have to listen to her drunken abuse & ranting about XH, now I don't

I do feel as well to a degree esp in the early days it was about me reassuring them that I wouldn't loose contact & putting in effort myself. they're 250 miles away so I would send up pics/cards/let DS talk on the phone etc with them. now he's a bit older we have a web cam and do the skyhype thing with them.

Mine have sided with their son. Fair enough he is their dc but they barely ring me and drive straight past my house at times, despite me making it clear to them that they can always pop in and see dc.

They have my H and the OW living in their house and when I go to pick the dc up am expected to sit and wait with OW around. They refused to know any of the details of our split and when I told them I had money problems told me to claim any benefit I could and told my mum they wanted 10k back that they gave H and I 9 years ago as deposit for our first house (which would mean selling the family home) and that they was doing their 'bit' by keeping H under their roof without him paying his way.

On the other hand though my brother in law texts me from time to time and will facebook message me. Which is more contact then we ever had before.

Norks perhaps you can try and be up front with your MIL tell her that you hope you can maintain a relationship that is seperate to the one your dc have with H. Just say something like I know H is with x or likely to be with x so let's just not discuss the rights and wrongs of who failed who.

Invite her to your home or meet her on neutral ground as the OW is obviously going to be around.

You may have to do a lot of tongue biting but it will be worth it in the long run.

Well I have just about given up with my ex-in-laws. My X-DH didn't tell them why we split - left that joy to me.

As someone else said, I think part of them thinks if I had been a better wife blah blah...But as far as I'm concerened, it's their loss, both of their beautiful grandson and 'the daughter they never had' (vom...!)

I can cope with being treated differently by them, but what really upsets me is how they treat said beautiful grandson differently. His first Christmas, he got endless presents (mostly crap that he's still not old enough to play with...) and the next Christmas, he had about 3 gifts, 2 of which were the same thing in a different format. I don't care in one way, but it really hurts in another.

And on the mony said, well don't talk about that. He was sooooo hopeless with money and all the money I took to the relationship and we were given by my extended family when we married has gone and it's galling.

But let's face it - we're all better off without the cheating idiots and if the parents want to side with them, and lose us and their grandchildren, then it's their lookout. As single mums, we have far more to worry about and focus on, like the babes, and making ends meet -- blimey it's been over a year since I've been on here, and i've set up my own business just to show I can!!!

xx

Mil rang this afternoon, said she loves me dearly and despite H being her son does not agree with his behaviour at all, and has told him so. She went on to say she will be supportive of him as he is her son but he now has to live with the life he has brought on himself, and he is being a bit hopeful that he will live with them when they move to town because he wont.
She also asked that if she isn't working and H doesn't have the DC can she pop in and see them here, so we can catch up as well.
seems I hadn't misjudged our relationship after all. we acknowledged it would be tough at times as things are bound to be difficult between me and H but we can ignore al that and just have a good chat as normal

That's really good, just be careful you don't slip into slag off mode if he continues to be an arse in the future! You can always say, let's change the subject if you feel your hackles rise!