Mumsnet Talk

Yes, I know there are many of us in this position.

He had a very well paid job but has left entirely coincidentally I'm sure - after I contacted CSA after his consistent refusal to pay me anything.

No idea what he's doing now as he won't tell me. I know he's working but won't give me the details.

Owes me a fair amount in arrears,

Now I find out he's selling one of his properties (told you he was well off). Is there anything I can do WRT to this?

CSA I'm afraid to say have been pretty hopeless and, well, the whole thing is pretty much grinding me down.

TIA if you can offer any help/advice or even just commiserations!!

Hey Janos, I don't have much advice, but have you tried CAB they might be better than CSA or at least be able to point you in the right direction.

Ta littleMarshmallow I'll give them a go.

It's just so bloody frustrating sometimes. Aaargh!

Yeah I know the feeling the CSA are driving me mad too

Have you applied for a variation, either on the grounds that he is living beyond his claimed income or you can also make a claim on assets he has over £65,000.

Get proof from the land registry of the properties he owns.

There is lots that the CSA CAN do but don't actually do it. You need to give them as much info as you can to go on, then follow it up weekly to see if they've done what they've promised. I found that if you raise a complaint against the CSA (via the website) you get allocated ONE specific person to deal with and they HAVE to call you regularly as you're in a complaints process.

My ex owes me nearly #2000 in arrears and as soon as they got an attachment of earnings he quit his job! So, as they are partly to blame for not collecting I'm persuing a claim for compensation (which they can do apparently) and also they have an enforcements dept to send the baliffs round. They won't do it now though as he's on benefit

Thank you for the tips.

Yappy - I'm in the same boat as you, except I know (think) mine is working, He has to be as he has a child on the way, and his wife also mentioned something about his 'new job'.

Too late now but I'll talk to CSA tomorrow.

Will also check the land registry website (if they have one).

Can you believe he has that much money and yet he actually begrudges paying anything for his DS?

Oh Janos

Will e-mail you, but...

My ex e-mailed me saying he only works one-two days a week now.

Despite co-owning his home with his new GF. And seeing DD rarely. And being obstructive and unpleasant and unreasonable.

It hurts so much. After all you have been through, I am so utterly sorry you are in the same boat - I would die for my dd, and you for your ds, but enough money for a treat or several would be pretty valuable, no?

Oh, thank you mousie. Yes it would! Money for treats I mean and just not having to WORRY all the time would be nice.

DS doesn't go without but the money situation causes me so much stress sometimes.

I'm lucky to have a really supportive family, as well as some great friends. My mum helps me out a lot and I'm very lucky in that respect but she shouldn't have to

Oh and guess what...he hired out an expensive party place for DS's birthday and then had the cheek to ask me to pay for half of it.

Just to add, I did say no. There's no possible way I could afford it. Struggled to get pressies as it is.

Go to your MP as well. Complain about the CSA and ask them what you should do about the selling of the house.

Is he on benefits because i would be tempted to shop to the benefits abuse hotline. But, I have no patience with NRPs who can't be arsed to support their children and am glad DD1s dad lives in Canada who send people to prison for not paying.

can only offer commiserations - and i do know how it feels.
is 14 years since my exw went and has paid nothing in maintenance - nothing.
the only time i asked csa they said i didny 'qualify' for anything. didnt say why - both i and ex work full time tho dont think she declares it.
i couldnt be bothered persuing it - am happy to know i raised them without any help as she doesnt see them much anyway.
do know how it feels tho - if you really want to get anywhere, get someone else to do the work - ive an exgf who had to get a private detective to get enough evidence against one of her ex's to prove a case to the csa - and they were still worse than useless when someone else did their job for them.

good luck

There are lots of helpful ideas on here, thank you so much everyone. I actually feel like I can at least DO something now instead of feeling frustrated and powerless.

Thanks again.

I'm just starting the process of contacting the CSA to chase DDs sh*t of a father.. I left a message on their website about 2 weeks ago and have not had any call back from them yet... suppose I was being too optimistic that things had improved with with CSA over the years ..

PS.. am going to go do it again.. and again right now...

Do keep on at the CSA. Phone them every single week (boring I know, but when you get the money, think of it as an hourly rate!)

Legally they can freeze wages, seize assets (including his house), get the Inland Revenue involved, prosecute....

So they have a HUGE number of powers. Sadly, it's kind of up to you to push them along to use them.

A better way to communicate with them is to send letters recorded delivery and keep copies, that way when they say "we didn't receive the letter" you can say "well I have to record showing you signed for it your end". They also have a reputation for losing documents and not keeping notes on your file when you ring them up.

Recorded delivery is a good idea. Make sure you keep copies of all communication with them so that when you file a complaint for incompetence [which seems to be the only way to get any money from an imbecile NRP] you have copies of the weekly correspondence to hand over to your MP.

You're so right lindaygii I called every week, kept a record of who I spoke to and what they had promised - for 2 years!! As I said in my earlier post I wish I had complained much earlier, now they call me every week to tell me they can't get any money!!

yappy ha ha ha... yeah, that's an improvement, of sorts!

You know what we should do? We should all keep records for a few months, then ON THE SAME DAY, we ALL go to our MPs and raise a stink.

Seriously, we should make a bloody fuss about this shower of useless shits. There's an election coming...

In fact, you know what, I'm going to ring Gingerbread's press officer in the morning and suggest this.

Hi - another one here, not a bean for five years.

He had a great business going and is now in the process of bankruptcy, I work full time and its a struggle financially and emotionally, but do you know something? My dcs know exactly what he's done (his own doing) and they respect me so much.

I think the lobbying idea is great, personally I haven't bothered going to the CSA as I know what a useless bunch of toss pots they are.