Just turned single mum

(9 Posts)
SamManfredi Thu 23-May-13 16:11:14

Hey,
I have just become a single mum to my 16 week old baby. The father decided to end the relationship sad
As my son is living with me the father would like him to sleep over some nights at his place. I am not sure if I want this to happen as he is so young and want him to get settled and comfortable in his new home, plus the father doesn't know where he is going to live. He has got moody over this am I being unreasonable?
Would like some advice on what other mums would or have done in similar situation.
Thanks xx

calmingtea Thu 23-May-13 16:29:33

I think dad should have a reality check (talk to a solicitor) and wait a few years. A 16 week old needs his primary carer, usually mother. So YANBU. If it were me, I would not allow overnights until the child was - well at least over 1, possibly quite a bit longer, especially if breastfed that long.

SamManfredi Thu 23-May-13 16:46:09

Thank you smile

DeskPlanner Thu 23-May-13 20:17:15

What Calming said is spot on.

3xcookedchips Thu 23-May-13 21:24:54

unless you are breast feeding they're is no reason why your child couldnt spend an over night with his father. These situations actually happen when patents are together.

betterthanever Thu 23-May-13 23:17:50

I would not say yes or no. He is trying to wind you up.
In fact `say yes - that's great' and he will run for them there hills. Tell him to let you know if he needs any advice on all the things he will need to have at his place when he gets it as some items you have you are not sure about.
You never know if he does that and his single dad pad is all set up and nice and the health visitor is happy with it all - happy days, you get a night of uninterupted sleep once a week or maybe just the once.
They want the fight these types IMO or maybe not - he may be not like that at all, and he may be really nice and turn out to be a great support for you and your DD. You can get on not together....don't punish him just for not being with you if you wanted to be with him?
Mine wanted to do that at 5 days old.... I wish I had said what I have just said to you .... I fell for it.... didn't see him for another 7 years.... anyway he is back now and it all starts again.... he may get a surprise when a 7 year old talks back..

calmingtea Fri 24-May-13 08:03:11

Absolute bollocks to saying a 16 week old should be kept from their primary carer. These situations rarely/irregularly happen when parents are together, there is a reason there is maternity leave. It will distress mum and the infant. I am all for dads being involved, but there is no reason for baby not just to spend day time hours with him.

Nat38 Fri 24-May-13 22:07:39

Why is it that separated couples with children can`t be amicable??hmm
I understand that one half of the couple can be a complete arse[grin, which is understandable that there is tension in the relationship, but surely there are the exceptions??!!hmm
I think that as long as the dad is settled in a new permanent place & the baby is ok to go ie not being BF etc-why not??
A child needs both parents, whether together or not.smile

betterthanever Sat 25-May-13 01:14:43

I recon Nat because all this is not how it should be and nature was not designed for things to work this way....and people find it all very difficult. Many really don't mean to be mean but it ends up that way.

I have to say, we all thought -well not all-- free love was great but it's biting our bums a bit lot I recon that the best form of sex education for kids would be to read these threads.....

I have always been a person who says live and let live and free love but when children are involved, parents naturally want them in the house with them i know some don't and to have a family life - this causes a problem... or many.... they can't be in two places at once. And natural worry or a slight concern can turn into more...

I think it is very difficult for children to have two homes, it works out well in some cases I know, the middle ground make the most of it and for others it is a nightmare..... I would not like it - some stuff here, some there.

And poor teachers having to check who can and who can't pick up who on what days.... and who's homework is no longer in the dog it's at Dad's. Cafcass calling in to chat about x and Y... and we wonder why they don't have time to teach.

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