Can I do this alone?

(9 Posts)
Aloneandnowwhat Mon 20-May-13 21:24:00

Hi so my bf moved out yesterday, we've had a lot of issues caused by him and I'd finally had enough - long story short he's now gone.
I have a 23 month old son and am 33 weeks pregnant with a daughter. My parents died and I don't live near any family.
I work full time and shift work: 3 week rotation of 6-2, 2-10,10-6. Obviously I'll be leaving on maternity soon. Have got a sick note from the docs to cover me until I start maternity.
My questions are: Can I really raise two children alone with no support at all? How can I ever go back to work with two babies at home and such bad hours?
Ex bf is begging to try again, he thinks this is a temporary situation. At the minute I'm so relieved he's gone, all the drama and hassle, lies, cheating, drugs are gone. He says he can change but I don't want to take that chance. I know times will be hard but will I cope?

MummyAbroad Wed 22-May-13 02:08:07

If I can do it you can do it!

My ex left me when DS was 2 and I was 3 months pregnant, now my kids are 4 and 1 and I am so glad he has gone, we are so much happier and peace reigns in our house. I dont live in the UK so have no family around. I didnt have any friends at the time he left but I worked hard to get a good support circle and now I have that. One big difference between us is that I was able to start working from home after my kids were born (however like you I also used to work shifts before the DC)

It is possible, incredibly scary at first (making your decision is the hardest bit, then you get incredibly strong because you KNOW you just have to make it work) and for me it really was the best decision I ever made. Sticking with something that you know is bad for you and your kids just because you are scared to try it on your own is not the right thing to do.

I am sure there are thousands more women all around the world who are doing it too, I cant be the only one smile

Aloneandnowwhat Wed 22-May-13 08:08:57

Thank you so much for the positive reply. I was almost starting to waver this morning. ExP is still begging to come back and I feel sorry for him because he's on a friends sofa for now with no prospects.

I hope this is the right thing to do, the house is a lot quieter and calmer.

MarieinDubai Wed 22-May-13 10:27:04

Us/Women/Mums have amazing strength - strength we're not even aware of at times x

MummyAbroad Wed 22-May-13 19:23:51

There are some good reasons for getting back together with a man. Feeling sorry for him is not one of them!

MarieinDubai is right about the strength you dont know about. When you take on something big, that's when you find out just how strong you can be.

Have you got a good support network of friends?

HerrenaHarridan Wed 22-May-13 20:04:12

Yes! grin You really can.

Take it from bitter experience its easier being a single parent than effectively being a single parent while desperately trying to save a dying relationship with a man-child

MummyAbroad Wed 22-May-13 20:34:36

Oh yes, I second that, HerrenaHarridan, its much easier being alone than with someone who makes everything more difficult.

Aloneandnowwhat Wed 22-May-13 20:36:24

MummyAbroad, no close friends as I've lost touch with childhood friends and struggle to make new meaningful relationships.

MummyAbroad Mon 27-May-13 17:54:53

sorry for the long interlude..

How are you getting on Alone?

I know (from experience) that it can be really tough trying to get a social life or support network going when you are basically starting from scratch. I had isolated myself a lot when I was with H, and literally had no friends. It did take some time, but I turned that around. First thing you have to do is simply decide to make that a priority. Then try and put yourself out there, obviously be discerning, you are probably feeling a bit vulnerable so only surround yourself with people who are going to be respectful, friendly and supportive, but its well worth trying some new things (go to playgroups, libraries and parks and get chatting) as well as trying to reconnect with old friends. You dont have to try and get a best friend immediately, just widen your circle of people you interact with on a weekly basis, so you can have some adult conversation to keep you sane.

let us know how you are getting on, xx

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