I am not sure whether my mum is taking my ds off me or not

(13 Posts)
iwantanafternoonnap Wed 23-Jan-13 21:40:17

Tonight, when I dropped my DS off for work, and I was shouting at him as he had slapped, kicked, and punched me in the face while I was trying to get him out of my house to my mums and I was telling him to get up to bed. My mum told me I have messed up my son enough, that I am screwing up his life and I don't give a shit about him. She then said she wouldn't look after him again so I tried to life him up off the couch where he was tantrumming and she shoved me aside continues to say I would be messing him up and that I am not to remove him from her house. Needless to say I was sent home from work as far too upset and too late to pick him up plus I am not sure she would have let me and it would have confused him anyway.

iwantanafternoonnap Wed 23-Jan-13 21:40:56

to get up to bed when he got to my mums house as I work nights

iwantanafternoonnap Wed 23-Jan-13 21:42:02

bugger I am so upset I am not typing properly. I hope you can decipher. x

DSM Wed 23-Jan-13 21:49:54

How old is your DS? Is he with your mum now and she is saying you can't have him back?

Why would she say you are messing his life up?

deleted203 Wed 23-Jan-13 21:54:58

Well in all honesty her attitude is NOT helpful. Even if she genuinely thinks you are messing up his life it is not something she should be shouting at you in front of your child. (I'm assuming he is fairly young as he was tantrumming). She doesn't actually have the legal right to keep him - if she refuses to let him come with you when you go to collect him tomorrow then tell her you are phoning the police. We ALL disagree on other people's way of bringing up children. I had a friend years ago who was going through a divorce and I used to wince at the way she yelled at and slapped her kids when she lost her temper. It didn't mean that I had the right to refuse to let her take them away from my house and say that I was 'keeping them'.

Cornsyilk99 Wed 23-Jan-13 21:56:12

where is ds now?

lunar1 Wed 23-Jan-13 21:58:25

Where is ds now?

DSM Wed 23-Jan-13 22:06:25

Leave it overnight for everyone to calm down, then go and collect him tomorrow morning and discuss with her.

If she evens considers 'refusing' to let you take your own son, call the police. It's not her right to do so.

iwantanafternoonnap Fri 25-Jan-13 20:05:20

Well I went to collect from nursery as I normally would but went to my mums first to pick up his stuff and it was all in the hallway. So I just picked it up and left with my dog.

I haven't heard from her at all and I am not very good at discussing things in a normal way as it just doesn't happen in my family.

I apologised to my DS for shouting at him and arguing with his Nanny when I dropped him off but he is only 3 so not sure how much he took in. DS was is usual happy self with the odd tantrum but I no longer have the energy to fight with him about getting shoes/coats/gloves on or whatever else he wants to tantrum about. This meant that he ended up walking down the road for a bit before he realised it would be more sensible to put coat on. So less shouting from me.

I know shouting isn't great but I only ever do it after I have asked my DS over and over again to do something/stop something. I am not sure how this makes me out to be a mother that doesn't give a shit about their child and is screwing up their life.

I do believe her comments about not removing him were said in a moment of madness/anger.

BertieBotts Fri 25-Jan-13 20:08:24

Your mother sounds quite toxic - being unable to discuss things, shoving you, shouting and swearing at you in front of your DS? It's not on, really, is it?

Do you rely on her a lot for childcare? I think you should seriously consider reducing contact. I don't believe for a minute that at 3 he isn't taking any of this in.

iwantanafternoonnap Fri 25-Jan-13 20:45:24

She is not normally like this and was having a go at me for shouting at my DS. We were both swearing because it had got out of hand. I am not proud of behaving like that in front of DS and I am to blame as much as she is but her comments were vile.

However, the not discussing things is always there and I am never good enough and she really doesn't like me much but I never thought it extended to how I raise my DS.

If she didn't do my childcare I would struggle to work the hours I do and my DS loves her.

DontmindifIdo Fri 25-Jan-13 20:49:36

I think you need a new life plan, one that involves starting to look for a new job with hours that can be covered by nursery/childminder rather than relying on your mum, or find a childminder who'll do the extra hours after nursery. She's overstepped the mark and you sound like you are being undermined by her.

Your DS will still love her as just a granny, not as a childminder.

Chin up. Parents can sometimes be more judgemental than joe bloggs on the street.

We all have moments when we lose our temper with our children in the heat of the momemt.

Maybe trying to find a job during day timehours isnt a bad idea. Although I understand night can pay better & work is short right now.

It might be wise to sit down with your mum & talk about things in a calm controlled mannor while your ds is at nursery etc. If you're anything like me, I have a stormy relationshi with my mum, which has got better over time . We used to have sore spots re my dd. Was your mum ever a single parent? Its tough sometimes. X

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