what is considered reasonable notice?

(4 Posts)
Ladylou83 Wed 09-Jan-13 18:31:24

basically that really?

stbxh is in the habit of asking the night before he wants to see dd, and as much as I've always compromised with him in the interest of dd, I do feel he is taking liabilities now. I've worked with him to put a routine in place for seeing dd but this far he hasn't stuck to it (his choice).

He has 1 weekend a month, and a midweek over night during the month (again his choice). I've asked if we can sit with a calender and work out when he is having her but he won't, he seems to feel it's ok to ask the day before .

He won't compromise any time with ow, or work (he forgets that I work with him, and as a senior to him I know when he works), yet work are very keen to assist him where they can.

I just feel myself and my family (childcare when at work) are not on standby for him .

queenofthepirates Wed 09-Jan-13 18:43:59

I think you need to be honest and frank with him and explain gently but firmly why it's inconvenient for you and your child to be given this little notice for access.

I think the reason he feels it's okay to ask is because you've allowed him to in the past so if it's not working for you, try and come to some arrangement where he can give you what you feel is reasonable notice (3 days perhaps?) to see his child.

Contact arrangements should be a negotiation between the two of you allowing you to plan your family time and commitments and him to be impulsive and embrace his relationship with his child when he wants to. With the kind of contact you mentioned, I'm guessing he isn't taking what I would call responsibility for childcare so I think it's only fair that you should have more notice to ensure you can, as a parent, plan.

If he refuses to discuss this sensibly, I think that a firm 'not tomorrow but on XXX is fine.

Spero Wed 09-Jan-13 18:46:08

agree completely. Its not fair on you and not fair on her to have a set up like this. Of course in life you need to be a bit flexible, but it has to be built on a solid framework so you all know where you stand. Polite but firm. If he won't accept that, I think he is showing his true colours.

BatCave Wed 09-Jan-13 20:47:43

I think because he knows that you have DD's best interests as your prime motivation, and that you believe it's in her interest to have a relationship with her father, he thinks he can pretty much get away with anything.

Either that or he truly doesn't care. But I do think you you need to get firm with him. If he won't stick to prearranged dates and times then tough. If the latter and he shows no effort then perhaps reevaluate. either way, you need to have more control over this situation.

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