Mumsnet Talk

Every handover, he acts like DD(nearly 5) is being wrenched from his arms and he'll never see her again - although it's never going to be more than a few days. She sobs dutifully while he soothes her. I can easily stand there like a lemon for 10 minutes while this is enacted. As soon as he is out of sight, she perks up.

DD was looking thoughtful this morning. When I asked, she said ex has said to her "But what if I [ex] am kidnapped while you're with your mum?" Who on earth would want to kidnap him? But poor kid, she had an escape strategy all planned out for him. Why would a grown man try to get a small child to worry about his well-being like that?

Grrrr. So glad he is an ex. Don't get me started about how he moaned about his backache while I was pregnant....

Practice the phrase "who would kidnap you daddy? And where would grandma get the money to pay a randsom? We'd have to leave you there"

I think the term "prat" is reserved for people like your ex.

I did laugh with her about it. I'm all for emergency preparedness but this is taking it to new levels.

Yes, "prat" is one of the kinder terms that spring to mind....

hahahahaha wow I didn't realise my exh had another child....

Mine told me after crash emcs with DS that he needed to go home and relax because he's had a bit of a stressful day.

On the other hand DS is remarkably good at sniffing out the bullshit for himself now and regualrly winds exh during webcamming sessions just to entertain himself

So there's hope! How old is your DS?

Drama king!

My mum and dad split up for a while when I was 5. I'll never forget him telling me that he had to live in a cardboard box because my mum had thrown him out and that he'd probably die from the cold. I used to smuggle food to my bedroom to save for him as I was terrified he was going to die. Things like that have really damage our relationship and we rarely see each other now.
Warn your ex that he's only hurting your DD, he doesn't want the kind of relationship with her that my dad has with me.

Oh, scented, a hug for your 5-year-old self. That poor scared little girl.

I would love to warn my ex, but there's no way he would take advice from me. I left him when DD was 18 months, and a few times while we were still together he would say in front of her "I wish she would die so I could tell the world what a terrible mother you are". I begged and begged for him not to say it in front of her, because she was starting to understand and how devastating would it be to hear that from your father? But he shrugged it off. We're all bit players in the drama that centres around him.

Oh fuck, he sounds vile
It's such a shame he won't understand what he's losing until it's too late.

I cannot get my head round how people can do this - use their children's emotions and feelings with so little regard for the harm they are doing. You are heroes for dealing with these sad excuses for men.

Yes - mine deserves a best actor award for the 'distraught father dropping off act.' Despite being an abusive twat with a court/SS ordered contact schedule He also does the whole 'What will happen to you if mummy DIES and the horrible judge says you can't come to me?' routine. Cue lots of tears and questions about mummys dying

Grrrr, Hoolio. Awful, awful, awful to play on dcs' anxieties like that.

sounds like this chap hopeless dreamer with stupid imagination, someone that has never grown up.. sad man, unfortuantely my dd has a father similar. Only hers asked her who do you love more mummy or daddy? She came home and was really upset as she didn't know what to tell him

I know exactly where you re coming from. MY twunt of an EX, moved out as one of my parents was diagnosed with terminal Ca.
I have had a year from hell, with him alternately screaming down the phone that I am doing all sorts of things to manipulate the situation - nothing further from the truth. As I have had to look after one parent, take the other one to chemo, radio, DCs, to school, favourite pet died, do my job .........

Ex seeing his kids for an average of 3 hrs per week after school pick up and 6 over night stays - whoopee. When he is with them, she texts constantly and he will spend half an hour on the phone reassuring her..

Sadly said parent passed away three weeks ago and what has twunt done now. Told oldest DC - aged 5 yrs, that there is going to be a new baby- but do not tell Mummy.

I think in his twisted, sad useless brain,he thinks he is protecting me because I have had a shit year. Sadly DC let it slip and is now petrified that he istrouble for telling me and behaviour has gone to pot- he is scared he is in trouble and does not want a new baby. He said, it means Daddy won't see me anymore. Sadly I think this will be true.

The lovely man I married has turned into a selfish wanker, who lets her dictate everything in the most obsessive relationship I have seen. She barks he bites and the only people to suffer are our DCs. What is sad that the strong independent man has let this happen to him.

I wait for things to improve and have stopped saying things can only get ****, because everytime I do, it plummets to a new low!

Just got to keep moving onwards, can not look back otherwise I think I will crack.

Theydeserve, really sorry that things are so hard for you right now. Looks like you are getting your whole life's quota of shit all in one go. Hope things get better soon. x

Let me add my ex's latest, though....he attempting to ban me holding a birthday part for DD! Her fifth birthday fell on his weekend, so I held a party the weekend before. Now, it would have been unfair if he had been intending to throw a party, which I pre-empted, but he had no intention of doing so, he just didn't want me to celebrate with her at all! Said I was doing wrong by "moving" her birthday. Not something I could ever have imagined this time five years ago, waiting for her birth.

oh,mine too does the slobbering on the doorstep routine,it's hideous to watch!! I stand there (also like a lemon) and wait for him to get up off his knees and allow them to come into the house,as soon as the door's shut and he's gone the kids are happy and noisy again!!

<groans> Ds's father treated me like crap but when I ever sensibly suggested we part company he'd say "ok then, but i'll buy a bottle of vodka and drive my car into a wall". We did part company, and he didn't drive into a wall just for the record!