CONTACT AT A CONTACT CENTER

[tjgx]

HO ALL ;)x..hope u are all well...im in a muddle and i realy odnt know what to do...fot those of u who dont kbnow me plz look at my last 2 threads..LOST,,CONFUSED...ok right x has got solictors involved...he has not seen baby j since he was 10 weeks old j is 8 months now...as u are aware x ha sput me through so much crap for the last yr and half...and his family...ok well he has got contatc at a contact center..every other saturday for 45 mins...my solictor has picked a center which is miles away from me as she wants to see if he will put in the effort,,he couldnt put the effort in even when i live upstairs from his mother the wicked witch of the block..so i cant see him bothering...now for me to get there i have 2 get 2 buses...n i have 2 be there by 10am..i dont know how im going to do it but i will..i do have concerns about the contact center..it isnt a very nice place i think for any family to go to..but i agree if it makes a situation easier then so be it...he has done nothing for j j doesnt even know him..i really dont want to be doing all this...all this 4 45 mins ...x name isnt on birth cert...he was never nasty 2 baby always abusive to me..as your all aware ive alot of other issues in my life that ive 2 deal with that still arent resolved..ive now got post natal depression..and getting councilling for all the shit they have put me through..i dont think im up 2 all of this...can i refuse to do it..i know a child should know both parents..but all x has done is abuse me verbally...n threatend me all the time..he has made threats b4 that he would kill me n the baby, he said that all 2 me when i was pregnant with j..and once after he was born he was areested for it ..plz help im very messed up x

[MothersForJustice]

Hi,

sorry to hear what you are going through.

You can find more answers and support at:

www.mothers-for-justice.net

Also try the womans rights helpline

020 72516577

Good luck

x

[Sparklemagic]

I've had worked in a contact centre before and I know how very very difficult it can be so you have my sympathy, specially with two buses to get there even!

However, my view is that you should make the effort for your child. As you say yourself, you know it is important for a child to know both parents.

I know you might not like to hear this because of the incredibly difficult time you have had with your ex and his family but I'll say it anyway: It IS really important to your child that you give him the opportunity to have contact with his dad. His relationship with his dad has NOTHING to do with your relationship problems - unless you and your ex make him aware of the problems he won't even know about them at his age! So if your child becomes aware it's because the adults choose to involve him - very very unfair on a child, because he will only get one mum and one dad and his full emotional development will be best served by getting love from them both, regardless of what happened in their own relationship. We need to know where we came from for our own sense of self worth, self esteem - and as your child gets older it will be more and more important to have involvement from his dad.

Perhaps think of the contact at the contact centre as your chance to have a clean slate and give your child this opportunity. if your ex screws up or doesn't turn up then that's his choice and you have no control over that - but at least you'll know you have done your best for your child.

And I have seen parents make remarks to their child about their ex and please never do this to your child, it's so so cruel to involve them in this way. The key is to see their relationship with your ex as completely seperate to yours - UNLESS your ex is abusive to your child obviously! Though in a contact centre it should be OK.

Sorry to bang on but I have seen very damaged kids in contact centres because of hatred between the parents which has been transmitted to the child. I know you want the best for your son and I know you have no control over what your ex does, so I'm not saying it is all down to you - quite the opposite - as long as you approach it positively you've done all you can. If it goes well, I hope I can re-assure you that it IS worth it for your son and his future.