Mumsnet Talk

Hi all,

(semi) regular poster, name changed for this.

Does anyone have experience of respite child care, please?

Background:

I'm an LP, the ex isn't on the scene at all and hasn't had contact for a good six months.

My family is around 200 miles away.

I have a stressful full-time job, and for various reasons things have been on top of me for a while.

I was recently on Amiptriptaline - horrible stuff, stopped it after a week - and it made me into an angry zombie - either too knackered to do anything, or on a hair trigger with DD (4 and half years old).

Her school have said that she's said a few things recently - from the discussion today I think (and hopefully they agree) that some of it is coming from events she saw and experienced in the past and due to the week of Amitrip some things have come to the surface. That said, due to the amitrip, there were times when I was far quicker to anger .

They were talking about having a CAF / TAF, but tbh I think that'd be a waste of people's time. I do however want / need some support, and although I'm very wary of using SS for respite care, a rest from being a parent is what I could do with.

So. Is it a good idea, or will they think I can't hack it as a parent? Ok, I know the latter is unlikely, but that's the worst case scenario, and that's what scares me about using respite care.

They trying to help you and dd
What would help you?
Childminder picking up dd two or three times per week after school til 7 pm give you more time to do stuff?
Help for you in the home?
Do you work?
Do you have a specific diagnosis? Is it temporary or long term?
You don't need to answer here but you ned to know these things.

Do you want dd to go to foster carers for one day per week or on weekends?
What do you want to happen?

I get respite for ds but he has sn. So not the same. But they use the same forms for the six month reviews and there are things on there clearly aimed at cases where the child is "looked after " but has ongoing contact with parent (s)
Looked after child label kicked in as soon as he started going one night per month to respite. But it just means he is looked after those days. They have no other responsibilities.

Do you have friends neighbours who would or could help with dd ?
Can you pay someone?
Have you room for a live in au pair?

If no family or suitable friends then has to be paid for help so if ss can help you with that then go for it but get yourself an advocate adviser maybe MIND ? Talk to your gp .

Sorry yes you working who looks after dd when you at work?

Our area used to run a Saturday play scheme 10 to 5 pm for children in need maybe you can access something similar on a weekend ?

No personal experiene, but did a few years back work for the council with a young woman who had her baby son in the week and social services found foster parents for him at the weekends. This was intended as temporary until she was able to have him full time. Her baby wasn't clingy so seemed fine with the arrangement, and social services were definitely keen to let the baby go back to her full time as soon as possible, so if SS are offering I don't think you'd have trouble ending the arrangement (as long as you were up to it), if that's what you're worried about?

Er, have you actually been offered respite? I am on my own with 5 dc and was going through he'll last year with an out of control teen who was being violent towards me and her little brothers.

There was no respite

Nothing

Respite was mentioned, rather than offered.

Part of me would like it for the chance of a break from having the two full time jobs of worker and parent.

Part of me is worried that I'll get labelled as someone who needs that level of support, and worse, that once in the system that DD may be kept in the system.

I guess between purple and ILove's experiences it's very unlikely that I'll be offered respite care, and if it is offered, they'll be wanting it to be a short-term thing.

To be honest, as little as one evening a fortnight or one Saturday a month would do - just that little bit of a break here and there.

Thank you, ladies.

I have done respite care and have even done respite care for other foster carers. Make an effort to befriend the carer looking after your child and they could become a welcome part of the extended family. As far as I am aware the social workers really want to ensure that they intervene in order to give you the breathing space needed so that you can care for your child most of the time on your own. I am a military wife and often on my own. I can say that a night ,or even better a weekend, on your own after a few weeks of hell can really help to recharge and make you able to appreciate the love you have for your child. I would definitely explore in more detail. Good luck

Another option would be seeing what help friends can be. At 4.5 your DD I presume is just about the age to get into going to friends for tea, etc. Can you try and push that on a bit, ask people to have her for a Saturday afternoon, etc? Do you have any other parents you know well enough to do sleepover swaps? I started a regular swap with a fellow single parent when our DSs were around 6 I think, but my DD has done them from 3 with people she knows well.

You need either to have some good friends who will take DD for a bit to do you a favour (but do pluck up the courage to ask, if you can think of someone suitable, doesn't have to be a parent - they may love the chance to spend some time with her). Or, if you are feeling up to it, then try and get some childcare swaps going.

Just wanted to say my DH was on the same drug and had exactly the same experience he hated it and did the same as you.

at the end of the day the respite comes from either

family (in my case, no family can care for my DS, they beginnig to ehlp out with DDS)

freinds (mutual child swapping/sleepovers - none for my DS, sometimes for DDs)

paid for child care baby sitters childminders nursery play schemes-

(i use for DDs and DS - have also some direct payments to cover soime hours for DS)

as she gets older you can put her into eg three hour saturday drama groups that kind of thing - look at perform, stagecoach etc locally (i use these mainly durign school hols)

if you have good reason eg your own health medical disability isues then support from SS as an adult with a disability/need - which puts your child into a child in need category (i get for DS as HE is disabled)

or a mix of the above

for me i am in situaiton right now where i am either at work or caring for all Dc or just DDS with very occasional breaks..doesnt feel like enough....daily grind....but DDs will get older (they 11 and 9 now) and more independent and i hope DS (15) will got to residential college at 18 .... so with excuse of my birthday this month i am treating myself next week to one day off work and a lastminute.com spa day/massage while they all at school!!!

thanks, planet - I've nothing against ADs as such, but that Amitriptaline was awful.

cestla, purple and married - I'm looking into nannies etc, but then it's an expense. I'll be trying to get some childcare swaps going, too. I think that's the thing I could really do with.

Where do you live - roughly

Northants. I'll pm you.