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Just as the title says really, my sister and her family are off to Oz. She exits my life in the physical sense and 4 people I (and my children and dh) love are gone. OK so we can skype but it's not the same and you can't hug on skype. Our kids will be strangers and we will rarely if ever be able to afford to visit. Feels like the sea is closing over my head and I have no idea how I can stop crying, it hurts to even breathe. I don't want to burden her with these feelings because there are good reasons why she is going and I don't want to make it harder than it already is. Oh god! How do I get through this??
This is clearly a big change for you all. Do you already know it's a permanent move or could it be for a couple of years and then they come back? They may well not know the answer to this themselves: even if they really want it to work out, there are no guarantees. Is there more to it to explain why the impact on you is so massive? Difficult family history or something else?
It's very generous of you to try to hide your feelings from her. If at all possible, try to focus on the positive aspects for her and her family - it's a pretty amazing adventure. And try to work out when you might be able to go and visit, as well as planning for regular Skype/phone sessions. Your kids don't need to be strangers with the ease of staying connected these days. You can send pictures and audio/video clips as well as talking. It really doesn't need to be the end of these relationships.
I lived in Australia for nearly 5 years. My sister was one of the people who encouraged me to accept the job offer there. Since I've been back in the UK, we have become closer than we were before. She had two children while I was away, and I am close to them too. It doesnt have to be the end of the world.
JennO, this is exactly how I feel except I am the sister who moved. My heart aches every day for my family I left behind. I agree that Skype is just not the same but surprisingly it does the trick. my dd show their grannies pictures they have painted and I keep up with my nieces new clothes, haircuts etc.
But the physical distance is so much that I am going home on holiday less than a year here in Oz! I just need my dd to see their family.
Not much reassurance for you I know, but wanted you to know that your sister will be struggling as well.
THings that have made it better include lots of random letters, pictures from my nephew/nieces and small parcels of wee things like hairslides for the dc, on top of the usual texts/FB
My sister put together a photo album for my dd which took me 5 months to look at, but my dd love looking at it. We talk about gp/aunts/uncles etc very day in normal conversations so they are not forgotten and is course we talk on Skype every week.
I hope this helps and please allow yourself time to readjust
Thanks everyone for your valued comments! I am slightly out of panic mode now and these posts do help with that!
jkklpu They wouldn't be making the move if they didn't consider it permanent tho of course anything can happen. The kids are on the cusp of teenage years and once they have settled and made roots it'd take a lot to want to uproot them again, with schooling and all that. The impact is just from 4 people I love leaving me for the other side of the world, all my visions of my future include my sis and her family and now it won't... at least not the same. Pictured becoming grannies together etc.
FranCitizen and Giggly thanks for making me believe that maybe the e-comms and prevent the inevitable distancing I fear will happen. I don't want my kids to have no clue who my sis and her family are.
Will keep looking at these comments and will use them to remind me to look on the bright side... thanks again. I won't deny, I think it is going to be tougher than a tough thing though!
"how close my family is despite the distance" is going to be my new mantra...this is not the end of these relationships, and I am already planning little surprise parcels. Looking at this with brighter eyes today. Thanks again folks.
I have a friend who experienced this exact situation. She is now late 50s and is really close to her neices whoare now adults and come and staywith her all the time. She sees more of them than most other aunts!
I recommend getting iPhones/iPads so you can message each other all the time for free. We use ours for FaceTime (like Skype) too but the messaging is invaluable for those little inconsequential things that you are not going to be able to say to each other.
We also are photos of things and send them to each other and an use the FaceTime when we are out of the house if we are both awake at the same time.