How do I tell my family and friends there is a good chance I may be moving to Oz for a couple of years?

(22 Posts)
ODearMe Sat 02-Feb-13 15:23:39

I have posted before when being in turmoil over whether to make the move with DH and DS, aged 2.

It has always been DH's dream, not mine, but we have discussed a compromise at going for 2 years. I have been through a roller coaster mentally, and have now made a decision myself to give it a fair go (pending VISA - didn't get into Melbourne, now trying for Perth).

Absolutely dreading telling friends and family, particularly my mum, who I am very close to and will not take the news well.

DM has been aware of the situation but is thinking it won't happen because we were rejected from Melbourne. She has no idea we are now pursuing Perth as I don't want her to waste any energy worrying if we dont even get in.

However, if we are successful, how the hell do I break the news?

I know there is a chance we may be rejected again but I am worrying about this so any advice will be appreciated! Those who have moved overseas, how did you tell your parents and how did you deal with the reaction? Thanks

I told my parents it was happening as a fact and a positive thing - the same way you'd tell them you are having a baby, ultimately its your life, you can't live it for your parents any more than you'd (hopefully) want your children to live their lives anticipating your reactions and trying to please you... But then I'm not especially close to my parents and didn'T live geographically near them in the UK either smile You can't be an apologist about it or psych yourself up for a negative reaction, you need to present the news as absolutely positive - if you don't believe that yourself (with a healthy dose of realism on the side) then you perhaps shouldn't be going....

Also leave over thinking it or discussing it with anyone who you think is going to lay guilt trips on you, until it is a done deal...

ODearMe Sat 02-Feb-13 17:47:45

That is really great advice, thank you! I was very unsure about the idea beforehand, but now I am positive I want to give it a go. I cant see it, but i hope my mum will support my decision and be excited for our opportunity, rather than make life difficult!

ODearMe Sat 02-Feb-13 22:23:36

Bump

Mosman Sun 03-Feb-13 01:43:41

If it's not up for deabte then I'd be announcing 3 months before you go we have jobs and are off, don't expect people to be excited for you, they probably won't be tbh.
But that shouldn't put you off if it's the right decision for you.

MooseBeTimeForCoffee Sun 03-Feb-13 02:57:02

I wouldn't say anything until you've got the nod.

Things over here moved quickly for us. DH had telephone interviews Nov/Dec 2010, the company flew us to Canada for a week mid Jan 2011, they offered him the job at the end of that week, we put our house up for sale when we got back, DH arrived in Canada mid March and I followed on in May once the house had sold and our stuff had been shipped.

Both my parents had passed on and my sister was two hours north. My sister and my MIL knew about the interview, so were aware emigrating was a possibility for us. They were both sad but also surprisingly excited for us. MIL has already visited twice and my sister's second visit will be in June!

Clueless2727 Sun 03-Feb-13 18:13:39

I am in the same boat. We are probably moving to singapore later this year, but still waiting for official sign off from senior mgmt at hubbie's company. We decided not to tell anyone (inc the children who are 3 and 7) until it is definite. Going to sell it as great opportunity to live somewhere very different which not very many people do and use it as a base to travel and also the schools. However, we have known about this for 6 months and it is soooo hard not saying anything when i've spent so much time researching and thinking through thenlogistics and also not commiting to anything more than a few months in advance. Can't wait ntil we can spill the beans

Will you be letting your house while you are gone?

ODearMe Sun 03-Feb-13 20:49:29

Yes we will, subject to visa. Clueless, you sound so positive and excited! Do you think your family and friends will be supportive?

chloeb2002 Mon 04-Feb-13 04:07:04

Id sell it on the basis of holidays, coming over for warm winters.. .. the benefits etc. I think its harder if you say its only for x amount of time, unless it is set in concrete that it is. i know dh's mother who hates me for "dragging" her son here was told we would try it for 4 years and see. it was apparent we were staying but she struggled with the 4 year point even more ! Why not look at employer sponsored Rather than state?

ODearMe Mon 04-Feb-13 06:39:01

With an employer sponsor, you would have to be out of the country within 28 days. Dh also concerned an employer will take advantage and work him to the bone as he is sponsored by them and there is that threat of having to leave.
As for selling the house, I would rather not burn my bridges like that. I really do only want to go for 2 years!

Make sure the estate agents check the references of your tenants carefully, and insist on a credit reference check, and 6 monthly checks of the property.

Also be aware that there are pros and cons to managed lets.

Pro; The agency will deal with sorting any problems in your absence. (But they have no official responsibilities to you regards your house, and will be blameless if anything goes wrong)
Con; It cost 10% of monthly rent, the agent will encourage the tenants to contact them with any problem because they get commission on cost of repairs, which means that the tenants will get somebody out to even screw in lost screws, and order replacement shelves to the fridge if they break them! This cost me £44 plus vat and plus parts for each time, usually 3-4 times per month... I found that a managed let was more for the benefit of the tenant, than the landlord.

Make sure you get a landlords insurance, as your normal insurance will be invalid if you are not living there. And tell your mortgage company too.

Just something to think about while you make up your mind whether to sell or let the property.

Also, as living overseas you will be stung 20% tax on the profit of your rent. So make sure you set up a spreadsheet detailing all your expenses, such as agency fees, insurance and repairs, so you can deduct this.

I am sorry if you know all this already. I did not when we left, and I wish somebody had told me all the pitfalls!

Mosman Mon 04-Feb-13 08:50:20

YOu don't have to be out of the country in 28 days, you have to find somebody to take over the sponsorship but in reality most people who go to the trouble of fulfilling the 457 sponsorship are good employers and DIAC make sure they aren't hire and fire merchants before granting the VISA's.

Mosman Mon 04-Feb-13 08:52:32

By the time you've paid LL insurance, agents fees, gas and electrical testing and the empty periods you'll be doing very well to make any profit nevermind 20% for the tax man.

True Mosman it is unlikely to be profitable, but if OP does not deduct any of these expenses, she most certainly will pay tax on profit she has not earned!

differentnameforthis Mon 04-Feb-13 12:09:35

Why didn't you get into Melbourne? Usually a no from one state is no from all, as it is the Federal Government who makes the choice & I have never known anyone be rejected by one & accepted by another. It is my understanding that if Australia say no, they mean no.

But that aside, I asked my dad how he would feel about it & he sent me with his blessing. The rest, I just told.

ODearMe Mon 04-Feb-13 19:28:47

I get what you are all saying about the cost of renting as a landlord, but for me it is more than about money-it is my security of coming back to the uk.
Different name for this-the reason we didn't get into Melby was because DH does not have a 5 year reference from a Rics qualified quantity surveyor, only 3 years.
When we apply to Perth, which our agent reports as more lenient, dh will be going via an alternative job on the wanted list which requires less qualifications and experience. Therefore, there may be a chance, unless our agent is ripping us off!
DH desperate to try and if we don't get in, he knows we tried our best.

I get that about security for returning to the UK, that is why WE did the same. We just learnt a couple of hard lessons because nobody told US about the risk and pros and cons!

chloeb2002 Tue 05-Feb-13 01:35:45

Hi two .. big points.. firstly as mosman said..457 lasts 4 years.. they wont let you go easily as they have paid for the visa and you will e treated as well as any other employee. be very very wary of migration agents.. they are in it for the money! ultimately state sponsorship means you still need to fulfill the points etc for independent. by far the best way to come into aus is on a temporary wok sponsored visa (457) If you do not fulfill the independent criteria. . this you can do on your own, without an agents expensive fees. approach any mining company as quantity surveyors are bound to be in demand.
I ultimately think it sounds like Aus isn't for you? ( maybe harsh) but migrating anywhere is tough, hard work, involves ups and downs.. In two years you will not have touched the surface of a new life and will be heading back to the Uk with allot of money spent on relocating, I get that some people come to aus, with work, brought by there current employer on contracts etc for a set duration and families come too. These people are generally very good at picking up and putting down new roots. I grew up in the army and we did this all the time, not what i want for my kids! I just think you need to really want to do this first. What happens once you are here and your Dh and kids love it and you hate it as it was only for two years?
my Dh came along with me initially.. and yes on a 457.. with the proviso that if it is too hot for him we would look at different areas of aus ( not QLD!) to live if he couldn't cope with the heat. However we very much packed up and left the UK, for new life... hopefully a better life! No doors left open in the UK. I'm glad we did and QLd isn't even too hot for Dh..

ODearMe Tue 05-Feb-13 13:46:53

PureQuintessence, thank you for sharing your experience to pre-warn us, will definitely take the rental situation on board if this all becomes a reality.

Chloeb - dont worry about sounding harsh - I realise migration is a toughie and you both have to really want it etc etc. It is just we have come to a crossroads in life and I cannot ignore my husband's burning desire to experience Aussie life so this is a compromise, (and I think a good one compromise!)

kday Tue 05-Feb-13 14:05:58

FWIW, I worked on an employer sponsored visa for 5 years (two different employers) and was really well treated. Employers don't go through the cost and hassle of applying for a visa for a skilled migrant just to treat you badly - they do it because they can't find anyone else with your skills locally so know your value. Good luck. I'm sure you know your own mind, but living someone else's dream (even for a few years) can be very hard, and migrating is hard enough.

ODearMe Tue 05-Feb-13 14:29:55

Thank you Kday, good to hear a good experience of 457 visa.
Appreciate migrating for someone else's dream, but I don't like the alternative, which is my husband will resent me if I don't give it a go

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