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I have never experienced the death of a child before

(8 Posts)
shebangsthedrum Fri 03-May-13 09:42:55

This week a child at my childrens small primary has died due to a massive asthma attack. I have been lucky enough to reach 36 yrs without having experienced this before now. The little boy was a friend of ds and recently played at our house, I know the full details of event and it is breaking my heart, I cannot get it out of my head. Dc's seem to be coping fine but they do not know details obviously. Since my friend has told me I can't stop crying. My husband died 6 yrs ago very unexpectedly, but a child so young it seems so very cruel. I really don't know what I am asking for, I just need to put it into perspective.

SimoneDeBeaver Fri 03-May-13 09:46:21

Oh how awful - of course you're shocked and upset. And of course it's far worse for the poor parents, but your feelings are also perfectly valid.

I'm so sorry about your DH - I'm sure you probably realise that this will have an impact on how you're feeling now. Have you spoken to anyone about it?

SimoneDeBeaver Fri 03-May-13 09:48:10

A family friend who I grew up with - but had lost touch with - lost her dd (drowned in a pond) a few years ago. It completely floored me and I was close to tears for a good week.

The death of any child stirs up all sorts of emotions in any parent.

spanky2 Fri 03-May-13 09:52:50

A little girl a year older than my ds1 died from cancer . There isn't really anything to put it in perspective . I wonder if this has brought back your feelings of grief over your dh . thanks sad

shebangsthedrum Fri 03-May-13 09:53:45

Thankyou, I supose that I hid a lot of my feelings when I was widowed, so any death will cause some of those feelings to resurface. It is really the conversation had between this child and his mother as he was passing that has upset me more than anything. Very sad indeed I am devastated for the parents.

Elibean Sat 04-May-13 13:43:26

Keep talking about it as and when you need to, shebangs....I'm so sorry about your dh, and this loss is an awful one in itself for all concerned sad

My friend lost her 2 year old to meningitis. It was years ago, but I remember how shaken I felt - and how much I went over the last time I'd seen him in my mind. I think, with a child, there is an enormous amount of extra shock, and as you know any sudden death is shocking enough already. flowers to you, and a hug. x

Weegiemum Sat 04-May-13 13:49:48

When I was 9, a girl in my class died of Leukaemia. Then last yer, a wee girl the same age as my dd2 also died of leukaemia, when they were both 9.

The death of a child is not explainable. I find it very hard. I expect your struggle is partly to do with your dh's death as well. I'm very sorry for your loss. I'd say be led by your dc over how to deal with it for them.

StabInTheDark Sun 05-May-13 23:53:29

A friend of DD1's died from cancer aged 15 and I couldn't function properly for a good fortnight- I just couldn't get it out of my head. I think it hit me so hard because I'd seen them grow up together, from tots to teenagers. I still get choked up at milestones, like DD's prom/leaving school/turning 18/applying to uni etc, because it feels so wrong that her friend isn't doing all of this too.

Sending you love and hugs. Life really can be cruel x

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