DD has just come out on Facebook - now what?

(5 Posts)
iamspartapuss Mon 12-Nov-12 17:41:57

My 13-year-old DD told us she was gay a few weeks ago, which we were surprised by, but perfectly fine with. She told a couple of her closest friends at school, but that was all she wanted to do for the moment. I asked her if she wanted me to mention it to her tutor, but she said she would prefer it if I didn't. Now it appears that rumours have got around and 'people are talking about me behind my back' so she has decided to preempt the situation by making a big public annoucement on Facebook.
I just discovered this a few minutes ago when I logged on. DH is insisting I 'talk to her about it' as he is worrying about what he sees as inevitable bullying. I think he is right, but I don't know what to say. I have had several discussions with her already on dealing with homophobia, but I do support her right to be open about her sexuality if she wants to be, whereas DH thinks it is a bit premature.
I do think I need to talk to her tutor now, whether she agrees or not, but the school is not particularly proactive about homophobic bullying so I am not sure how useful this will be.
I would just like some advice on handling the situation from anyone who has been there please?

lisad123 Mon 12-Nov-12 17:44:35

No advice I'm afraid.
I would tell tutor ad maybe talk to dd about why she did it this way.

I don't think you should go behind your daughter's back to talk to the tutor against her wishes.. seriously please don't. She may very well (and rightly) see that as a massive betrayal of her even though it might seem/be the 'right' thing to do.

I think you have to support her through andy fall out and deal with any bullying that arises..but not preempt problems by going in and making a bit thing of it.

I say this with experience.. both of having a gay daughter and having another daughter who at one stage was seriously self harming. I DID talk to school because I was so concerned and it took a LONG time for me to repair my relationship with my child afterwardssad My best intentions were not seen in that light.

Your daughter is very young to have come out..it may be she is indeed lesbian and knows for sure, but it may be she is is in the confused phase and a few years down the line may feel differently and I think low key as much as possible is the way. Facebook.. not ideal, but todays post is soon old news.

I'd also say.. you'd be surprised at actually how UNbothered other kids can be . Yes there CAn be bullying, but don't assume the worst! My DD1 is now 20 and most definitely permanently lesbian LOL , she knew from about 15 for sure and she has just been accepted just as she is..as have her male gay friends. As the kids get older they tend to be a lot more accepting than we give them credit for..smile
PS if she is gay for the long haul.. it's ok smile My DD1 was a LOT happier in her own skin once she came out, and she is a fabulous young womansmilesmile

SusieSusieSheep Sun 03-Feb-13 08:58:34

Agree with Medusa, I wouldn't tell a tutor, I guess I'd just wait and see what happens. There's no guarantee that this will lead to bullying - although sadly I think at least a bit of name calling is likely.

hazelnutcoffee Thu 04-Apr-13 19:50:55

Medusa has a good point about kids being unbothered. From what I gather, kids will pick on other kids who seem scared, vulnerable, frightened and basically those who bullying will "work" on. If your DD walks around openly, with her head held high saying "Yeah, I'm gay. So?" She will probably be fine.

So a kid might say "You big lesbian!" to bully another kid, and it will work if the kid responds with anxiety. But if they go "Yeah, I am. So? Your point?" the bully can hardly go on the power trip they're trying to have, can they? smile

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