Mumsnet Talk

Oh I am terrified.

In court tomorrow, after 3 years of fighting the ex on various issues our children have been appointed a guardian from CAFCASS and a solicitor.

In brief, ex is nutty, violent and sometimes suicidal, children refusing to see him but I am in breech of contact centre contact order as my oldest imploded emotionally last time contact was mentioned.

I have just spoken to the guardian, only appointed a few days ago and dreading going into court with someone i don't know and trusting them.

Any words of comfort anyone? already freaking out at the prospect...

......

well as you know from my post yesterday,i have only positive CAFCASS experience to offer,and not of a guardian.

for me,it really was a case of get on with the officer,be pleasant and open.....my badly behaved ex played right into my hands by messing up bigtime and showing his true colours.

good luck.....it will be fine

we did have an officer who did all the prelim reporting and all that but then went off long term sick - she was great and we all got on very well. Guardian has been appointed becuase its go on so long with new things being added all the time etc. Just amazing nervous about entrusting someone in court tomorrow when she has never even met us!

She also told me I din't need a position statement (which atlantis on here advised me to do) as we were 'starting afresh....' - great after 3 years of defending my children someon comes in without even meeting them and has a lawyer etc whilst i don't even get to state my position... scared and very out of control

do you have a solicitor or mckenzie friend?
if i remember correctly,i dont think you do

so you're starting afresh....will they be re instating contact tomorrow too? can you not compromise and ask for indirect contact for now?

no.no contact is being reinstated or anything like that, rather that my position ie how we got here, what has happened etc is not important right now - rather how to proceed.

Whilst i understand that i am the one in breech of the order so i do want the opportunity to explain myself as it does not look good

he does have indirect contact but doesn write becuase he doesn't think their replies are of sufficent qualtiy ir indeed quantity so he doesn't bother at all.

Of course your position is relevent! That's the crux of the whole bloody case!

You really need a solicitor to advise you.

agreed but this is so long running and drawn out i cannot afford one - he already bankrupted himself to fight me for a year and then didn't turn up for a final hearing - she seemed absolutely disinterested in my position - all a bit scary

just to update - turned up to court - the guardian had not read the file in fact only had a small file which doesn't have all the papers - the lawyer had no file at all and was only appointed on friday.... i have asked for the lawyer and the cafcass guardian to have a copy of the court file because it has all the information in it from the beginning.

Really losing faith in the system i can tell you

oh and the judge gave them both a bollocking for wasting his time turning up to court unprepared - quite gratifying on a level but actually doesn't help my children's case

No. It's not good when they font know what they are doing!

So what's next?

finally getting his medical records (9 months after the original request) and we are having a family assessment done by child psych as children do not want to see him and doubtless this is becuase i have poisened their mind rather than them having watched him beat me etc etc. They did think about fact finding for domestic abuse but judge thinks this is step backwards - i agree as children are getting counselling from nspcc etc

the judge has also asked him to have absolutely no contact with us until further notice bcecause he started hassling us recently but not writing letters to the children as he was ordered

I did actually feel listened to by the judge today but so let down by the guardian and the cafcass guardian

i hope they get their act together for you. and soon.

does sound like you're being listened to,and thats a step in right direction...the family psych assesment. who pays for that? sounds expensive!

what outcome are you hoping for? a section 91 like i got? or indirect contact etc?

The chidlren have legal aid as he and i are now both unrepresented - after they have seen his medical records they will ask for a forensic psych test for him and that's very expensive too but necessary because he is a nutter.

Not sure what outcome i hope for apart ffom for this to proceed at the pace my children set as they are blameless and are having to jump through hoops and meet lots of new people and keep talking about it

if the cafcass guardian turns up here in a couple of weeks still without having read anything again then i will call a halt to it - yesterday the way she spoke to me was so general i knew she had no knowledge whatsoever and then she and lawyer who knows nothing too are going and asking for things on behalf of my children..... all a bit weird.

Just assumed someone who was in a guardian role would know what school they went to etc and how old they are...... she hadn't even read the last cafcass report either because she 'wanted to be fresh' - ie. she couldn't be arsed and thought she might get away with it. I had to lend the solititor a copy of a court order - not a good sign eh?

just wary that i could easily piss them off but so scared that they haven't a clue about what is going on

no. dont think it is! but maybe starting afresh gives her her own perspective....nobody elses judgment to cloud her own

my ex had the forensic psych asessment.....it was horrific! the things he's done since we split! it ended with the psych concluding he has a personality disorder,and that he should not have direct contact. also says he should have a psychological asessment,before further contact....

yes mine is a pd - borderliner - two people who know (and have liked him) one of whom is a gp and one who is a psych in holland say they think this is the case and i know when he was younger his parents paid for him to see a private psych and he concluded that also - notin nhs records though but i think there will be enough to get the assessment done which will be such a relief as i am sure people think i am just a vengeance filled ex because he has beaten me.

She souldn't get a fresh perspective really i met her and the brief just before we went in for a hurried chat about what they had decided to do........ i was a bit doubtful at that point when i realised she didn't know any history. Important things like telling the court in a letter he was suicidal... quite key from my perseective and honestly i felt it was actually hugely disrespectful of her to be so unprepared. I have been doing this for 3 years - the last cafcass officer was on the ball and got things done but she went off the case almost 5 months ago and nothing done since.

I think i was taken aback by how hostile i found her, she worked on generalisations about parting couples rather than us and our children in our situation.