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When do you legally have to let barely involved father have baby away from you?

(7 Posts)
Lia87 Mon 19-Nov-12 17:48:49

My daughter is 10 weeks, her father doesnt reply or ask about her for a week or 2 at a time, will cancel visits last minute most times, has only seen her every 2-3 weeks since first week for couple of hours a time max, wanders off for long smoke/ phone calls during these visits rather than focusing on her,
he's been making a big deal about having her alone overnight which i assume is due to him having already pretended to friends he has had "sleepless nights looking after her" which he pretended on his facebook profile, i offered to let him stay or me take her to stay at his to experience her overnight and he wasn't interested, when legally would i have to leave her as he is effectively a stranger to her, and is insensitive to her needs, insisting i should leave her crying, and that she shouldn't be fed unless its been 4 hours as it gets her in "bad habits" despite me explaining she sometimes feeds less so needs to sooner.
he has also never comforted her, just laughs at her expression if she cries and watchs tv or texts during his "visits" so in reality only holds her etc a few mins before getting bored

would i legally have to leave her alone with him at any age if he is still being as uncaring but still wanting her alone?

3littlefrogs Mon 19-Nov-12 17:52:19

I don't know the legal situation, but I would strongly suggest you keep a detailed diary, and communicate only by email, so that you have evidence of his views and attitude.

I understand you don't legally have to do anything until there's a court order in place. From looking around the boards, it seems that judges assume the best place for babies to be is with their mum, with dads getting access say a hour or two, two or three times a week to build a bond.

Certainly I've not come across any judge who would order a baby to be with the dad overnight at such a young age.

Are you breast feeding? If so, that's the biggest reason right there why overnights would not be considered for so young a baby.

But you might also find help in the relationships board, as posters there will have been through separations and have advice regarding contact.

olgaga Tue 20-Nov-12 10:18:09

I would refuse point blank to allow him to take her for overnight care. No way is she old enough to be left with anyone who obviously can't care for her.

Fairylea Tue 20-Nov-12 10:23:59

I would say no and emphasise that you are breastfeeding even if you aren't. Then the onus will be on him to obtain a court order for contact, which, if he is as useless as you say, I doubt he will be bothered to get.

If he does apply for one you can fight it by saying you believe he isn't responsible enough to have germs overnight and alsothat he cannot as you are breastfeeding. A court would not expect a breastfeeding young baby to be apart from its mum overnight.

Fairylea Tue 20-Nov-12 10:24:55

Oh my god... germs?!!! Bloody phone!!! HER! not germs .. sorry !!!

He probably isn't responsible enough to have germs overnight either !!!

BurpingHerbert Sun 25-Nov-12 12:23:25

^ grin

My thoughts exactly.

Keep her with you for gods sake.

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