Luckily, by chance I have a solicitor appt on tuesday anyway, but just wondering if there's anything he will be able to do to stop this, as it's very hurtful & upsetting.
We separated last may, at his request. I didn't want to. WE agreed we would wait for two years separation before starting divorce. He then very quickly met someone else, they now wish to marry ASAP so he then told me he was goingto issue divorce proceedings against me this january.
I consulted solicitor at that point (early december) and we decided that I would be the one to be the petitioner. Solicitor wrote to H advising him of this, pointing out that I wished to keepthings as amicable as possible and advising him to obtain legal advice. All normal stuff.
Two days after that, I saw H as he was bringing our son home, and decided that rather than let him read it in a letter, it would be fairer to tell him myself that I would be petitioning for divorce, and that solicitor was writing to him.
He seemed to accept it, said nothing more about it and that was that. I didn't see my solicitor again till 13th January because of xmas/new year. that day he showed me a letter from H's solicitors, saying they accepted the divorce would proceed that way, etc. So solicitor and I filled in divorce petition. Later that same day I saw H to take DS to him for weekend, H asked me how it went at the solicitors and I told him i had filled in the divorce petition. I distincly remember telling him this & his new GF was there too, because we discussed the stiff, formal wording, i said it wasn't my choice of words, it's just 'legalspeak' & I didn't want them to be upset when or if they ever saw the petition, etc.
Prior to my starting the divorce H had agreed to pay the court fees as I am not working due to a chronic illness & disability. About a week later-20th Jan- I asked him if he was still willing to pay them even though I was the one starting the divorce, not him. Initially he said no, as that was said when he thought HE would be the petitioner, but when I pointed out the court fees would still be the same he then agreed, and asked how I wanted the money, was he supposed to give it to me etc, cos he couldn't really afford it, blah blah. I said no, I didn't want it, I didn't know how it would be done but I expected that my sol would write to him or his sol about it.
I then rang my sol to confirm for certain H had agreed to pay court fees, and sol said he would write to him.
Last night out of the blue I had abusive text from H, accusing me of lying, deliberately delaying the divorce by over a month and messing him about!
Says he's received letter yesterday from my sol asking for fees to file the petition, and that he's really annoyed as I 'told' him i had filed the petition in december!? and that he did not agree to pay the fees?! Says he 'doesn't trust me to do this properly and is taking control from now on' I tried to ring him to tell him he had it all worg but he jusy shouted over me & hung up. I then asked my sister to try, as I didn't think he would hang up on her. Gave her all the above info, the dates everything was said & done. She's a social worker & used to dealing with shouty, angry people. He wouldn't listen to her either. So I had no choice but to send a calm, factual email to H, setting out all the dates, and who said what, etc. I really thought this would show him I was not lying about anything, and would jog his memory.
I also said that it had upset me a lot being accused of these things, the lying especially, and that as a result in future I would not talk to him in person about the divorce proceedings, or when I had seen my solicitor, or what was said at these meetings. I said that I would conduct all correspondence through the soliciotrs as that way there could be no further accusations or misunderstandings about who said what and when, as it would all be on record.
. Then this morning had text from GF, saying she agrees with him, and that I deliberately misled them, and also that that I never told them on 13th jan that i had filled in the divorce petition that day, I simply 'implied that it was a general meating with my solicitor'!!!!
This has really, really upset me. I suffer from anxiety attacks and it has made me ill this weekend. NONE of what they are saying is true, I NEVER told him I filled in a divorce petition in December-how could I, when it was my very first meeting with my solicitor, and we hadn't even written to H at that point? All I said was that I was going to be the one to start divorce proceedings as the petitioner- I never said that we had filled in or submitted the actual petition.
GF was not even PRESENT when I told him this in december, so she has only H's word of what was said. So how she can accuse me of lying and say that I DID say I had started the divorce proceedings in december is beyond me, as she wasn't even there to hear what I said!
She also agrees with H that I am lying about telling them on 13th Jan that I had filled in the divorce petition that day. she stated in her text that i misled them and 'implied' it was only a general meeting nd that I didn't fill the divorce petition out that day 'as you didn't say you had done it'. BUT I DID! It was the first thing I told H when he asked 'how it went' at the solicitors, she was there when I said it & that's why we talked about the wording! I have explained all this in the email last night, pointing out the dates everything occurredand what was said, but from her text this morning, it's clear they simply do not believe me.
It's obvioss to me that H has no understanding of what I have told him verbally about what is going on with the divorce, or what his solicitors have told him. I'n not entirely surprised as he never listens to anything i tell him, but I thought he would understand what his solicitors must have told him of the procedure!They must surely have explained to him the procedure when he recieved that first letter from my sol, and he found his own solicitor to act for him & reply to the letter.
And to be honest, I thought GF would remember what I said on 13th jan about me filling in the divorce petition that day, and would correct him. Because she has stuck up for me in the past in little conflicts I have had with H. so I was astonished that she says she agrees with everything H says, and that I am lying when I say I told them on 13th Jan I'd filled in the petition that day.
So sorry this is so long. I am just rfeally really upset & angry that thay have accused me of LYING, deliberately holding up the divorce, messing H about, AND that he never said he would pay the court fees!
Being accused of lying is the worst, when I have NEVER lied about anything to do with the divorce, and I have not done any of the things they are saying. It was only 3 weeks to the day yesterday that I filled in the divorce petition-how on earth have I delayed things by a MONTH?
I am going to show my solicitor the texts I have received from them both, accusing me of lying, and misleading them. And I am also going to show him the email I sent in reply, in which I calmly set out all the dates that things were done and said.
Can my solicitor do anything about these accusations? Can he write to them and give them some sort of warning or something, or is there any action I can take legally for accusing me of lying, or something? I have enough stress dealing with H and his unreasonable demands generally, and to be accused of all this seems so unfair.
Also, since H said he doesn't trust me to do this properly and is 'taking control' himself, can he do that? Surely he can't just become the petitioner himself instead of me at this point? I decided to be the petitioner, even though he is the one wanting the divorce, because I wanted some control over the procedure, and it is slightly in my financial interests to do so-should there be any disagreements over financial matters, I as the petitioner can delay applying for the Decree Absolut up to a point until matters are sorted.
Sorry again for how long this is. I am just so anxious, and upset and worried that he can just take everything out of my control and get away with accusing me of sll this stuff, simply because he doesn't listen to what he's been told and because he's too stupid to understand the divorce procedure.
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Husband accusing me of lying about when I started divorce and other stuff-can my solicitor do anything?
StableButDeluded · 04/02/2012 15:40
Thank you all for your replies. I have no idea whether they had arranged a wedding, I don't think so. I have pondered how in fact they will marry, as she doesn't attend a 'proper' church. Forgive me, I don't mean to offend any church-goers by saying it's not a proper church, I simply don't know what you call a church that has been set up by someone and doesn't seem to be related to the Church of England, Wales or any 'officially' recognised church body. the Pastor who set it up is an ex-convict. I am not sure that they can even marry people in that church.
Within weeks of meeting her, H has gone from being completely anti-religion and a non-believer for the 22 years I've known him to going to church with her and completely believing everything her church believes. I know people can change their beliefs, but that he could go from saying things like 'religion is ridiculous' 'people who believe in God are nuts' and laugh at anyone who went to church, calling them 'God-botherers', to believing on God, never mind the type of conservative Christian beliefs her church holds practically over night still astounds me.
I hate the fact that she says she is a Christian, is very active in the church, her religion is obviously a big part of her every day life (even the solicitors my husband is using call themselves ' XXX and Co, Christan Solicitors' on their letterhead!) and yet when it comes to me, the divorce and H, she appears to pick and choose which bits of her 'faith' she wants to apply.
I've been looking at her church website- have not done this for months, but I find it unbelievable that her church would condone their behaviour towards me.
It does seem to be a very conservative form of Christian belief, they state 'We believe the Holy Scriptures of the Old and New Testaments to be the verbally inspired word of God, the final authority for faith and life, inerrant in the original writings, infallible, and God-breathed'. Also 'We believe that those who reject Jesus Christ will be punished eternally in a literal place called ?Hell? 
Those who believe and accept his atoning work will enter the paradise of God known as ?Heaven?
I've a good mind to just turn up at a service one morning-as I have a right to do- and ask to have a quiet word with the pastor afterwards. That would knock the wind right out of their sails!
Failing that, I would absolutely love to just throw a few choice Bible quotes at them both next time they start accusing me of things that are not true.
Such as, 'Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are His delight' or 'Be not a witness against your neighbour without cause, and do not deceive with your lips'.
Or my particular favourite at the moment 'For wicked and deceitful mouths are opened against me, speaking against me with lying tongues' 
Alas, I shall probably do nothing in the interests of keeping the peace. but I can dream!
Yield ye not to the temptation...of engaging in a bible quotation slanging match, you'll only end up sounding as bonkers as they obviously are .
Don't worry OP, just don't engage in it all, however wound up you feel it won't do you any good to respond in kind - there's really no satisfaction in it. It will only increase your personal stress.
Rise above it - in a celestial kinda way !
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