how do you know you're finished

[hollyfort]

just wonderin when or how any of you know you're fininshed, i had no 4 about 7 mths ago, had always said 4 but now i don't know if i'm ready to leave that part of my life behind, but would 5 be manageable, holidays and all that? so how do you know when you're finished??

[bumpybecky]

I think I'm just about there...

my #4 is nearly 2 and although I'd love another baby, I don't think I could cope with another child. The last 12 months have been very hard work, not with the little ones, but with the eldest, now 11 and a stroppy pre-teen.

DH was very sure that 4 was enough (he'd have stopped sooner!) and has been threatening a vascetomy (sp?) since I got pg with #4. I always said he'd do that over my dead body but after a particularly lousy half term last week I offered to book him an appointment. I wasn't totally joking

If your youngest is only 7 months you don't need to make any decisions yet enjoy your baby while you can

[fruitshootsandheaves]

when your boobs and your pelvic floor are below your knees then you know you've finished.

[jemart]

You will just know. I think it depends how you feel about the prospect of another baby - after giving birth the first two times I felt I could totally do it again no probs. After the third I just felt relieved.

Never say never though, I may go on to have a fourth but not for a good long while yet.

I reckon if you have four children managability of holidays and so on is already a logistical nightmare so one more child won't change things much.

[MillyMollyMoo]

How old are your older children ?
This year it suddenly hit me just how expensive kids are, we earnt a stupid amount of money between us and were just getting by, no assets or savings, which is fine until the shit hits the fan and you've nothing to fall back on.
5 strikes me as a lot of children to give attention to, feed and clothe.
I've tried this year to book a cheap holiday in the sun for three kids and 2 adults and could find nothing at all under £3k and that was slumming it.

[vbusymum1]

I had DC4 when DC3 was 5.5 and I still had all the baby stuff and clothes. DC4 is now 20mths and as each stage has passed I have been able to pass on the clothes etc as I now know that I won't be having any more. For me 4 just seems the right number, if I was 15 years younger it might be a different matter though .

[elizarose]

I wish I knew, I was definately finished after 4 then we had a surprise and one to go with it. So 6 altogether ranging from 20 to 1. I would love another, even though I know my body wouldn't be able for it, my age would be against me and my eldest would never speak to me. I still have all my baby things (re bought for the last 2 as we had given everything away) upstairs, I can't bear to get rid of them. I know my dh thinks I am mad. We have been so lucky with 6 healthy kids. I wish I could stop feeling this way

[LongStory]

We had a double surprise package too, nos 4 and 5 arrived earlier this year. Love them to bits, but I can assure you it worked 100% for us both as a cure for broodiness.

[Bigmouthstrikesagain]

Hi we have three the youngest was 1 a couple of weeks ago.

I know we are finished because dh has had the snip!

[Jo5677]

I have 5 and would be happy to have another but then we wouldn't all fit in our 7 seater and we love to go out as a family.
I'm not sure where he/she would sleep either.
Those are just practicalities though,they don't stop me being wisful about the thought of having one last baby.
I married Mr Practical however and i think he finds that 5 drive him potty enough lol.
I do wonder what makes you feel you've finished,maybe thats 'cos i've not felt that yet..thats worrying hopefully that feeling might come with my youngests terrible 2's she's about to come into !

[hollyfort]

jo5677 how do you find getting around with the 5 children on your own?, i bet you get fed up with the hands full comments! some people just feel like they have to come out with stupid comments to fill empty spaces!

[l39]

My fifth is nearly a month old. For the second half of the pregnancy I was convinced I'd never want to do that again yet the memory is already fading! If I was younger, I think I might not stop at 5. However I'm 40 and our oldest is 17 years old.

[hollyfort]

what is it that makes us want to have these babies?? i just hope the novelty doesn't wear off the kids as they get older or it will be great fun when they are all teenagers. I just wonder how i'd manage holidays with 5 kids under 8 if i had another one, would the other kids miss out a bit?? crikey decisions!!! no 4 is 7mths old and i'm 35 so some time left still, it's a big part of your life to leave behind stopping having babies, i know people say you manage with what you have but i don't want to just manage if you know what i mean.

[bronze]

My dh and money decided for us

[Insanitybecomesme]

After saying no more when no4 arrived within weeks we decided one more, Now awaiting the arrival of five and six in feb. There will be no more number six means change of car etc and the house will be full. Still trying to figure out how to deal with newborn twins with a 2yrold and 3yr old.

[RachLeighmum]

I have a ds, 5, and a dd, 3. I have tormented myself since dd was one about having another one - "just one more" - but my husband made it very clear that he was happy with the two we had and did not want anymore. He refused and wouldnt budge. We had lots of arguements over it, he always put forward his reasons which were mostly practical (finance, space etc). We even asked our two dc whether they would like another baby (ok, i asked them) and they both said "no way". They said they were worried that if another child came along they wouldnt be best friends anymore. This was actually quite sweet and really made me sit up and think about the prosect, in real terms, of having a third child. There are a few things that I now realise (though its taken a while to get there). Firstly, no child should be brought into the world without being 100% wanted by both parents (i.e. there will be no little "accidents" here). Also on this point, I think no one person has a "right" to have a child. Me and my hubby may have agreed when we got married that we would have 3 or more kids, but as he rightly points out, that was before we knew the hard work involved, knew the expense involved, etc etc - he has changed his mind and I feel I have to respect that. Our house (3-bed semi) is perfect size for the four of us, if we had any more kids then things, quite simply, would not work so well/easily imo. I am a SAHM and have been lucky enough to have been off since my ds was born, but money is now tight (we have a very nice life but have to be careful) and when I return to work next year when dd goes to school the extra money will be very welcome.

I think the final thing for me was that I realised, after a lot of soul searching and being honest with myself, is that I dont actually have a burning desire for another chil - but I DID have a burning desire to be pregnant (I loved it both times) and to have a newborn. If im honest, over the last couple of years, each time someone has told me they are pg or have had a baby, im genuinely pleased for them but I also felt envious. Now I realise that, in fact its just because the child bearing days are behind me that I felt this way and no matter how many children I gave birth to I will probably always be broody and will always feel a little wobbly around baby news! However now I have identified those feelings in myself I feel so much happier and confident that, for us, sticking with two children is the right thing to do. I love my two so much and happy with our family of four.

Anyway, that was my very long answer to how do you know your'e finished! - sorry! x x

[Jo5677]

Hi Hollyfort,just saw your reply on this thread,we've been on holiday.
Getting out is really difficult especially as my eldest daughter is quad CP and as such in a wheelchair and my youngest is still only 18 months.
I've had buggy boards attached to wheelchairs (though technically not allowed to do this . Also i've pushed the wheelchair and had baby in a backpack or sling. It will be much easier again when my youngest is 3 and walking well. For very short trips to feed the ducks or walk the dog my second daughter who is 10 will sometimes push the baby and luckily she's happy to do this.
It's fine at weekends when my husbands not at work though obv.
I get a lot of funny looks and random comments and i do get fed up of them.
I'm so proud of my kids though that i just smile back at people and tell them i wouldn't have it any other way....much to their disgust it would often seem lol
The comment/question i get asked most is 'surely you won't be having anymore now then' i find that the most annoying comment because it's none of their business,i'm not claiming loads of benefits etc and my kids are all very happy and well looked after and loved so i often say 'yeah i think 6 would be a nice even number actually'

[BoffinMum]

I just got bored doing it all!

[sweetkitty]

I'm pregnant with no 4 who will definitely be the last, I don't think my body can take another pregnancy or my sanity. 4 is a nice round number and I think any more would be crazy for us.

I just hope the broody gene gets taken out with the placenta but somehow I bet it doesn't.

Am utterly in awe of larger families, think they are fab.

[verybusyspider]

I wish I knew too! ds3 is 7 months, I have ds1 3.5yrs and ds2 2yrs and would love one more, I know I have plenty of time (I'm 29) but since we had a small age gap between each baby (18months) I think its a smallish age gap again or nothing, seems no point evening out the numbers if one is out on a limb - problem is I can see all the advantages of sticking at 3 (especially time, space and money) but my heart wishes for one more, how on earth do you work it out? if you over analysed it you'd never even have one child!

[MoodyMartha]

I have 4 and still get very broody at times. My youngest is 8 and as she gets older the spates of broodiness do seem to get further apart and less....what's the word?....intense. Right now, I'm not broody at all!

[GaribaldiGirl]

i'll never think i have enough. i have 5. number 5 was a bit of a stretch from an age/finance/space/sanity point of view so can't have anymore. Each one of them is so totally edibly gorgeous i could have another 10 if had space/money/youth. will be one of those 90 year old ladies who goes silly at the sight of a newborn and wish i could have another. always got grnadchildren to lok forward to though..........

[BlackLetterDay]

I have 3 dc dd(6) ds1(3) and ds2(3 months). I feel the need for another girl tbh. But seeing as I can't guarantee a sister for dd and I also can't actually be doing with going through another undoubtably complicated and highly medicalised pg, I will stop at my lovely 3. Now just got to think about some kind of more relible contraception than condoms lol.

[mathanxiety]

I just felt relieved after DC5 was born (after gd during pregnancy as well as anemia). I felt somehow she was the last. Plus I was 37 and didn't like the term 'grand multigravida' when I heard myself referred to as such.

[CardyMow]

I am trying for another, my DC's are 11yo, 7yo and 6yo. DS2 (the 6yo) has SN and took a lot of looking after for the first few years, and I didn't feel ready for another (in fact was certain I was done!) until he was almost at FT school. I fell pg when DS2 was 4.8yo, but DC4 was sb at 5.5mo, and it's taken me over a year to be ready to TTC again. But we are trying. I think it's partly that I'm still (relatively) young, so who knows how many will be enough.... I had DD when I was 16yo, am now 28yo, so plenty of time left...DP would like another too, as DS2 is his only biological child. I'm not complaining...

[jade1978]

Ive got 5 now and still don't feel 'done' but I really don't think I ever will and it may take until my body really can't produce anymore that I have to accept that is it.

Deep down I don't think my body could cope with another, I had really good easy pregnancy's/births until number 5 and I worry I would be pushing my luck to have another. Financially too I have to be responsible. We have no where for our 5th to sleep (still in our room at 8 months) never mind another child, but even so I itch for another.