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how does a NEW BABY impact on family life when there are much older children too?

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By Fri 30-Oct-09 16:32:54 Add message | Report | Contact poster

hi. this is a kind of spin off from another thread of mine, but with a more specific question.

when i first had my 2 dds, now aged 5 and nearly 8, being a mum of tiny children defined my very existence. i felt that there were lots of things i couldnt do with them in tow, and at times felt a bit claustrophobic doing the whole 'toddler group circuit.'

my dds are now very independent, caring and helpful. and family life is fun.

but i want another baby.

would my dds benefit or feel neglected?

my quetion is, will a new baby fit into the groove of existing family life, or will she/ he take over to such an extent that my life is once again defined by being being a mum of a baby?

i feel that i would be more relaxed this time round. and i wouldnt have a baby and a toddler to contend with this time.

sorry if i sound negative, but i did have some post natal stress before and want to be realistic.
any advice?x

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Thu 05-Nov-09 21:48:45

Riven, you're forgetting the titanium surrounded car. Obviously we got our priorities all wrong....

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 31-Oct-09 13:44:57

The new baby just fit right in.
The children were thrilled to have a baby in the house and fussed over it.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 31-Oct-09 09:15:25

and there wasn't 400 makes of buggy costing a zillion pounds that had 'names'. it was pram or buggy. Not 'phil and teds' or whatever.
<old gimmer emoticon>

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 31-Oct-09 09:14:24

babies are pretty portable noonar.
Only think I found with the long age gap was parenting is different now. Now there's the internet/books etc and people seem more paranoid and over protective. Not like when my teens were young when we went to toddlers and ignored them except when there was blood wink

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 31-Oct-09 08:22:43

elvis, youre right, i shouldve said 'older' not 'much older'.

cakey, i think that the financial side of things will be tough for a while. certainly during the first year, till i go back to work. then there's child care...

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Fri 30-Oct-09 21:36:58

I'm the youngest of three, my siblings are 7 and 9 years older than me. We all had a great time when I was little, they used to love helping to look after me and were my first 'teachers', helping me to be way ahead by the time I went to school.

We moved in different worlds when they were in their late teens and early twenties (and they hated being expected to babysit so that Mum and Dad could go out), but now that we're in our 30's and early 40's, we couldn't be closer grin

The only major complaint I've really heard was that having a new baby after a big gap threw the family finances out of whack for a few years. Oh, and cutting up desserts into five equal portions can be a real bugger!

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Fri 30-Oct-09 21:30:11

Ah, when you said "much older" I thought you meant like our age gap- 15, 17, 19 and 21 when DD2 was born grin

IME the new baby fits in with the others, and not the other way around.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Fri 30-Oct-09 21:02:56

congratulations, lily. your family sound lovely.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Fri 30-Oct-09 20:58:23

Our kids were SO happy when ds2 was born - ds1 was nearly 5, dd was nearly 3. They LOVED having a baby, and didn't bat an eyelid at the sudden constraints on their lifestyle (temporary though). We're now expecting #4, ds1 will be nearly 9 when it's born, dd will be 6.9, ds2 will just have turned 4. We told them this week, dd was SO excited, and ds1 was thrilled, he just kept shaking my hand and saying 'Congratulations mum!'. They were all jumping around in excitement!

I'm sure there will be issues when they can't do some activity or something because of the baby, but our experience is that the baby is exciting enough to compensate.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Fri 30-Oct-09 20:55:28

thanks, longstory. you sound busy but very happy.

i think that partly i'm worried about days out, holidays etc and doing things that appeal to everyone.

day to day, i'm lucky as dh works from home alot and is somewhat underemployed grin

. so... lots of help but not much income.

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how does a NEW BABY impact on family life when there are much older children too?