Thinking of TTC For No.3 and Feeling Anxious

(8 Posts)
NKffffffffe749edcfX11d6d7397af Wed 08-May-13 09:33:34

I am one of three and always imagined having more than two children, if I was lucky enough.

I now have two gorgeous children, DS (4.5yrs) and DD (2.5yrs). I have been in a new job nearly a year working part-time and I love it. Everything is ticking along nicely at the moment.

But I still have a niggle to go for no.3....

DH is happy to go along with it, but not desperate. He says he feels our family is complete, though he is sure he'd love another child etc. But if I wasn't pushing for it, I don't think he would be. Although he did say he'd feel disappointed if we didn't go for it. Still, when we talk about it we tend to get drawn towards the negative elements rather than the exciting parts.

I am just so worried about the unknowns: firstly, what if there are problems with my pregnancy, with the health of the baby etc. Also the financial implications long-term of having another child, and the hassle factor and being outnumbered etc. Also I am really worried about having twins as my mum is a twin as is DH - I think that would be such a difficult situation and I worry that I would be drawn away from giving DS and DD the attention that I love to give them.

Then there is the negativity around me. I get a lot of childcare help from my mum and MIL, both of whom have made it clear they don't think we should have any more children! I'm sure they would be supportive, but I feel like I'm asking for more work and trouble and I feel a bit greedy as I already have two amazing and healthy kids.

I do worry about my career and how I will manage to keep it afloat with more than two kids. I have taken on responsibilities at work, and it would be stressful to let those go and inconvenience my colleagues.

But still....I do long for one more pregnancy, just to savour it. I loved being on maternity leave and being around for my kids and those special nurturing experiences like breastfeeding etc. My two kids now are such a duo and I think they'd love another baby to join their club...

I feel so confused. I'm very broody but so worried about all these things and I feel isolated in wanting this. I know it will be the harder option, but I loved being part of a larger family and I want my kids to have that as they grow older too.

Ahhh, any reassurances or advice?? I've just come off the pill, with the plan to start ttc next month...ahhhhhhh

MummyTheresAfireBeeOnYourHead Thu 09-May-13 16:00:03

Well....I could have written your post! I am already a sahm but my dcs are similar ages to yours and I could have started to think about go back to work but same as you, feel niggle for a third so we thought we would try before age gap became too big for my comfort.....got my bfp last week! I will admit I swing between excited and very nervous but my nerves are all about the preg itself, the birth and first 3 or 4 weeks!! The actual baby/child/bigger child/teens is what I'm looking forward to! Ie the whole family bunch together. I just about have the mental energy and I hope physical to do it all again and then be DONE! I def didn't feel done after two like many of my friends, I do know a few people with three and it seems fine, not really larger family, still do all same things we do and fit I one car. Xx I am having loads weird symptoms never had before so I haven't got my hopes up, eg lots back pain cramps etc but I am happy we tried whatever happens in next few days/weeks. My dh was similar to how you describe yours and he seemed excited once we got the bfp and we both just trying to be calm about it all now as lots to get through yet, I will enjoy to the max when I have had a normal scan and tests and people in RL know. Then I will nest eat and buggy shop etc etc!!!!

discotequewreck Thu 09-May-13 18:23:16

I am now at the stage of life getting easier. My youngest starts pre-school in Aug and I am thinking of pursuing a passion of mine i.e. writing

But I long for a third and i'm young enough!

beachesandbuckets Thu 09-May-13 18:35:14

I was the same 7 months ago, two dc's same age as yours, working part time, now 6 months pregnant... WITH TWINS. My age (36) combined with twins on my maternal side (albeit great grandmother) made me a high risk for twins apparently, so there is a risk that you may have them. On the plus side, I can't wait to have a big family, and my dcs are really excited, plus looking fwd to another break from work, on the downside I haven't enjoyed this pregnancy whatsoever as worried about health issues with babies as effect on rest of family, flipping hard being pregnant looking after two lively kids, and now having to buy bigger car and financial worries, plus I will have to go back to work when twins are 9 months which will be really sad but worried about money. My dh is devastated. Good luck with whatever you decide x

ELR Fri 10-May-13 10:17:30

I am the same nkfff but my age gap is bigger dd will be 11 in November and ds will be 8 in November. If we do decide to go for it they could be 9 and 12 by the time the new baby comes. I am only 36 though so young enough. Financially not so much of an issue but we would need to extend as only have a 3 bed semi. It's scary isn't it I love the baby and toddler stage don't mind the birth but the pregnancy is the worst also worried about a healthy baby ect. Why rock the boat when I already have two amazing healthy children!

discotequewreck Fri 10-May-13 11:46:54

come on lets go for it! I weep at the thought of no more children.

icravecheese Wed 22-May-13 13:57:39

I have 3 kids - 6yo, 4yo, 19mo. We thought we were probably done when we had our first two, then we had a chance discussion with my in-laws - my MIL said that they so regret not having a 3rd baby. She said to me & DH that if we can afford it, have the space, have the energy and the yearning for a 3rd, then go for it, everything else will slot into place.

It was probably the most helpful, profound thing my MIL has ever said!

So we went for it, 1month later I was preg, now we have our darling 3rd and she is totally and utterly adored by us all. Yes I admit that I did worry alot about her health and her being ok during pregnancy - the whole 'why rock the boat' thing, but I figured that we would cope with whatever life throws, plus our 4yo had been terribly poorly as a baby & spent alot of time in hospital and we knew that we could survive that.

The pregnancy was quite hard work with 2 little ones, but my eldest had just started school when 3rd arrived. And I found going 1 up to 2 SOOO much harder than 2 up to 3. We now feel 'complete', whereas before, I always had that niggle that I wanted another baby.

Go for it - I'm sure you won't regret it!

Beatrixpotty Fri 24-May-13 10:14:29

My 3rd is 10 weeks old.The older 2 are just 2 and 3.9.I'm 40 v soon.I had my first aged 36 and assumed we'd just have 2 and was happy,but we're both one of 3 and my husband was v keen for a 3rd.I worried about age,things going wrong,and also not being able to stay on topof things with 3 under 4.I think it's normal to worry a bit.My career will suffer because I've had a lot of mat leave close together but it'll recover.I'm really enjoying being off again with my baby & being around more when DS1 starts school in September.If it wasn't for my age & the practical aspects,I'd be tempted to go for a 4th but I can happily stop at 3.Not sure I really felt that after 2.If you feel you have another baby left in you,give it a go!

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