Just found out pregnant with no 4. Totally overwhelmed, please help me!

(20 Posts)
hattyyellow Wed 07-Nov-12 12:48:01

Am 37 and already have 3 children, twins who are 7 and a 3 year old. Did not think I could get pg due to various health issues. In total shock having done test this morning. Terrified about finances, lack of sleep, lack of space, how older children will cope and finding time for them when time is squeezed already. Have been looking forward to DC3 starting school next September. I cope very badly with lack of sleep, I am not an earth mother type and I crave my own space. We have no help or family nearby.

Totally overwhelmed and in shock. Went to see doctor just now who told me a brief summary of my "options". Brought up as a cradle although lapsed Catholic and even though I completely respect every women's right to choose and would never think badly of someone having an abortion - I don't know if I could do it and as they're booking me in for a scan as I don't know how far along I am I don't know if I can see the baby and then not have it.

I fiercely adore my 3 dc and part of me would love to see this little one and get to know it and I know the baby stage doesn't last forever but I did get very down in that stage with all 3- i think due to tiredness and living remotely. DC3 was a terrible toddler, very headstrong and huge screaming tantrums most days and I feel that's used up a lot of my energy in parenting. Having twins the first time around was knackering and I think that used up a lot of my energy in the new baby stage. But I love the stage they're at now, I love talking to them and hearing their thoughts and ideas and views on the world.

I don't know what the point of my ramble is, perhaps to know that I am not alone and that things might be alright? Agghh..I'm sorry if I've offended anyone by anything in my post, I'm not quite thinking straight.

Any help/pulling self together gratefully received.

Mosman Wed 07-Nov-12 14:12:55

4 is no harder than 3 IMO
And seeing the older ones with the baby will melt your heart.
I went through all sorts of emotions (& booked a termination) but thank my lucky stars every day I brought this wonderful child into our lives, he's great.

hattyyellow Wed 07-Nov-12 14:23:02

Really? That's encouraging! Going from 0 to 2 was hard and going from 2 to 3 was hard, because it was my first experience of dealing with newborn and toddlers. Still on a rollercoaster but such a relief to know I'm not alone and that others have fears and doubts at first.

There are actually a lot of families of 4 and more locally but I just don't quite feel ready to tell anyone else yet in RL.

Midwife said no scan until mid Dec. Desperately worried about having twins again but they won't bump me forward, don't know how to wait that long sad

sweetkitty Wed 07-Nov-12 14:25:56

4 is hard there's no getting away from it, you will feel stretched in terms of time and money. There's some days you will be drowning in washing and mess.

But on whole it's great, if you can cope with twins and a newborn you'll cope with anything.

talsi Wed 07-Nov-12 14:38:24

have also just found out pregnant with no.4. Although I really wanted it, am now having a panic about how we will cope, both financially and also giving attention to all the kids, who already fight over me and dh.

Mosman Wed 07-Nov-12 14:41:02

How sick are you ? I found that's a good indicator of twins and of course the older you are the more likely twins are.

All my concerns turned out to be unfounded and I'd actually have another two if it was up to me

Beatrixpotty Wed 07-Nov-12 16:55:56

Sorry to hear you're in a dilemma.Nothing to add re.coping as only have 2 & pg with DC3 but in terms of waiting 6-7 weeks for scan can you go private?For about £100 can have one and at least find out if pg with 1 or 2 if worried about twins again?Good luck

hattyyellow Wed 07-Nov-12 16:56:44

Thanks so much all for your responses, for the realism and reassurance. I find this time of day always tough when pg, when it's getting dark and I'm tired and the kids are tired too. Feeling pretty wobbly.

Talsi congratulations on pg! Relieved to hear someone else experiencing similar wobbles, it all seems so huge.

Very limited sickness, but had very little sickness with my twin pregnancy first time around!

majormoo Wed 07-Nov-12 23:49:12

I have 4 aged 9,6,3 and 1. Have a feeling we were on the same antenatal thread with the 3 year old. It was awful when we found out i was expecting number 4- we were so worried about money, time for the kids, space. Now he is here we don't have enough money, time, space but he is a joy and i cannot inagine life without him. The week following his birth was one of the best weeks of my life-it was beautiful seeing his siblings with him. So despite the endless washing, colds, birthday parties, vomit bugs, homework, food bills, constant squabbling and tantrums I absolutely would not change it.

lollystix Fri 09-Nov-12 09:38:05

I had ds4 when the others were 5,3,18ms. I remember sitting on bus when he was a NB with all of them next to an old lady and told her he was surprise. She told me her 3rd was and he was in his 50s now. Told me how upset she'd been to find out having another one but now how he was the absolute joy of her life. Ds4 is now just 1 and we've emigrated when he was 4m so it's been tough but he really is worth it and they're such a little pack now. Remember your first two will be that bit older and more helpful this time. My ds3 was an angel but ds4 is hard going sometimes as he's a total barnacle so they're all different and you could get an easy one. Good luckx

Vickles Sat 10-Nov-12 20:56:59

I felt the same. Absolutely terrified I was pregnant with twins. I just couldn't get my head around it. I paid £100 for a private early scan at 8 weeks. Just one! Phew. Right, I could get my head around it. And wasn't in tears of guit everyday.
I'm 12 weeks now, and everyone knows, and we had the 12 week two days ago. Utterly amazing. So so so lovely to see him or her. I'm so vey excited, and can't wait to see them.
I found out at 2 weeks,, and had 6 weeks of doubt, confusion and sheer fear, and mega guilt. All those negative feelings have gone. There are no rose tinted glasses here.. But, lots of excitement and love.
Take things slowly, give yourself time.

appleandplum Sat 10-Nov-12 21:08:16

We had a surprise with dc4, my others were only almost 4 and almost 2 yr old twins, so i had 4 under 4! He is only 9 months old, still doesn't sleep through so i am consantly tired, there's alwys so much washing, tidying up, arguing etc. but i can not imagine life wthout him. He is very good (apart from his sleep) and loves to watch his brother and sisters. In fact we couldn't have planned it better, i think when they're all older he will balance things really well, especially with having twins as i think my other singleton could ave ended up being a bit left out
Best of luck

appleandplum Sat 10-Nov-12 21:24:09

Btw, i managed to get an early scan at 8 weeks as i said i was so anxious about being twins again, mine were very prem and i said i couldnt go through it all again.

marriedinwhite Sat 10-Nov-12 21:34:15

Congratulations OP.

Have you thought that your twins will be nearly 8 or 8 when the baby comes and may be quite helpful. Your present four year old will be at full time school. You may just be able to enjoy this surprise baby more than the older ones and it is likely to be easier.

Good luck.

Oodthunkit Sat 10-Nov-12 21:35:34

join us here pregnant with number 3/4/5+

NAR4 Tue 13-Nov-12 12:17:47

Try not to worry. I'm sure it will all work out in the end and of course your children will be almost a year older by the time the baby is born. Everyone parents in their own way, so just do it however works for you. If that means a strict bed time and night feeding routine for the baby, then do it. I know mothers who have left their baby to cry during the night, to train them to sleep through, because they just couldn't cope with the tiredness caused by night feeds. Whatever works for you personally, will be best for your family, rather than a tired, grumpy mummy who feels she can't manage.

Journey Thu 15-Nov-12 12:49:45

Having four dcs is hard work. I don't understand people who say there isn't much difference between three and four. Does their fourth dc sleep all the time, never need fed, never cry etc?

I have four dcs and juggling a baby and a toddler with two primary school aged dcs is a challenge.

However, there is a lot of joy having a fourth dc. Your three dcs will be at school when the baby arrives which will help enormously. I'm not sure if your twins do the same activities or have the same friends round to play but if they do then this will be a huge help since you're just doing one lot of things as opposed to two eg just a rainbow run without a brownies run because of the age difference.

The older dcs will help to break up your day. When you feel a bit fed up of the tedious work of a baby your older dcs will be back from school and you can chat to them. This helps a lot.

I think having just one baby or a toddler when you have older dcs is okay. Having both is a lot of work.

Try and enjoy the benefits of a fourth. The interaction between all four dcs is lovely to see.

LadyMetroland Sat 17-Nov-12 22:57:51

You will be fine. Your youngest will presumably be at pre-school for at least some of the time when it's born, so you'll have time alone with the baby. And 8yr olds and a 4yr old will be able to be so helpful.

Then by the time he/she is a toddler, all your others will be at school.

I DO completely understand how you feel though. Had exactly same feelings myself when I found out I was pg with DC3. Kept waking up hoping to discover I'd miscarried in the first few weeks (terrible I know but true). Am now about 18wks and although still not completely thrilled, I have at least got used to the idea and I'm sure it will all work out.

Good luck!

sadsong Sun 25-Nov-12 11:18:38

I had 3dc of 9 7 & 4 when I had dc4, what made it a hard realisation was that i was a single mum, having recently ended a marriage with their father. It isn't that much harder in reality than 3. Dc4 had severe reflux and was v clingy. Not surprising as I was sole career. I also wasn't earth mother but I loved my children and did my best. I also worked. I had no day to day family support at all, it was just me! It's ok it can be done. I also don't cope well with the sleep thing, as I'm aneamic and have thyroid problems. so baby co slept with me. Did it matter in reality? What was important is that we all got some sleep.

Since I met new dh and once dc4 went to school I've gone on to have dc5. I now don't rule our dc6 wink

I hated pg with a vengeance. But I love my children. smile

moodymai Sat 08-Dec-12 17:32:38

I've got four! Two were planned, two were "surprises". Our 4th baby is now 18 months and she has been such a delight to us. She has just fitted in with the family, and is so funny. She was a very easy baby and apart from getting pneumonia last February she has caused us no trouble whatsoever. I'm so glad we had her.

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