Those of you with huge families (babies close in age)(20 Posts)
How do you feel it has effected you? As in physically and emotionally? And the impact it has on your children you already have? I have two girls under two but we'd love a big family
I don't class my family as all that big. 4dds 5, 4, 2.5 and 8 mths. Close age gaps 19, 20 and 22 mths. I also lost my first baby and she would be six now, so 10 months between my first two children. I has my first baby at 34 and that last at 40. So five single pregnancies in six years and twenty days. I am a physical wreck! It has also come at a time that i think perhaps we first start to really age. I went in a short time from being pretty glamorous and financially independent to a sahm who is now very unglamorous! I am a little upset by that but tobe honest some of it has to do with the emotional affects of losing my daughter, then by the lack of time I have for myself. Slowly though I am trying to get back to 'normal', considering my options career-wise, and carve a little bit of time out for myself. I've certainly found the past six yrs incredibly difficult, but knowing that my family is now finished really has helped me refocus on the things I 'lost' in the baby daze (risky pregnancies, numerous operations and hospital stays etc).
Imip I can really identify with you in many ways. I lost my first baby at 22 weeks pregnant, she was live born, and lived for an hour. I then went on to have three mc, and then 3 healthy babies. Now aged 5,3 and 2. I am wrecked physically and emotionally. I think the large family close together was a reaction to the loss I experienced. Now that my youngest is at pre school with her brother, I have finally got some time back to refocus. I feel that i lost myself throughout the last 6 years, and am now gradually mending myself.
I feel glad that we had them close together. They are a great little gang, and play together for hours, and the hard work is all over and done with. Would not have liked big age gaps.
Litlerayofsunshine if you are going to have a large family, I recommend going for it, and having them close together. Hard initially, but easier in the long run. Good luck !
recall, I'm sorry we have such similar sad stories. My daughter was also prem at 25 weeks but died just before she was born as I had a cord prolapse. Def. losing a baby made me much more determined to make four the magic number, and my age dictated the tight age gaps, but that was always my plan really anyway. It changed so many things about how I parent, I'm more in to attachment parenting, and I think that physically that is quite demanding. Interesting that you feel you are getting back on track now that your youngest is two. I used to run a lot and would like to do that again, but think dd4 would need to be 12 to 18 months to physically manage this ( getting enough sleep, not holding a baby constantly, losing enough baby weight to look ok in leggings and running top!). I've just started buying decent clothes, not many but slowly starting to find my style groove. I don't know if you felt the same, but after spending most of my life so fixated in fashion, a glossy magazine felt so pointless after losing my daughter. Can't explain it, still can't really look at a magazine with anything more than superficial interest. I wwould def say it has taken about six yrs to come to terms with it all, and by then we'd gone from being two of us to six of us!
Sorry for all your loses.
Just to give you all hope, my oldest 3 are all 23 months apart and it is great now they are all teenagers. I bought them up to be really independant, prob through necessity when they were young. You will get your life back and feel glam again. Prob about the time they all get settled at school. It can't be that bad because I have done it again with 2 more, 23 months apart again. PS the older children are great with the little ones and the age gap hasn't been a problem at all.
I have 5 they are 5, 4, 4, 1 and 1 and my body is wrecked - maybe it was the 2 sets of twins that killed me off lol.
Would I change it - not a chance!
I have had a lot of pregnancies and my body is exhausted. In 3 years and 1 month I had 6 children (two sets of twins, two singletons).
I've never had the figure of a model anyway, but those four back-to-back pregnancies haven't done me any favours at all.
Would I change things? Not a chance. I LOVE having a huge family.
how do you find the right balance?
When my husband gets in from work he gets changed, has a cup of tea and then its daddy time. If I don't have work I run to the bathroom quick for a relaxing soak in the bath. Try to establish a routine and build in some time for yourself, even if it is only 20 minutes a couple of times a week.
Wow! 6 children in 3 years is definately some going.
We are discussing a 4th at the moment - I am leaning towards yes and dh towards no. His main reasons are he thinks it will spread us too thinly and be stressful rather than enjoyable - I disagree and think that it will be of huge benefit to the dc to be from a big, happy, supportive family and be surrounded by lots of people who love them both now and in the future. I do worry about individual attention, but they are all under school age at the moment and things are going to start evolving over the next few years as each of them starts school and I feel I could juggle it. Dh is very hands on and lots of fun, so it would be 4 between the 2 of us, rather than me doing all the work by myself (although I would be alone with them during the day while he is at work I don't think I would actually have 4 all by myself for more than a couple of hours each day - very achievable in my opinion!). I also tend to be miserable when I'm pregnant and get mildish spd, but it's 9 months vs a lifetime with a wonderful little person - no contest from my point of view!
I have 5 although step children too! Dh has agreed tonight to another as long as he can have an m5! up until today he had said definitely no, but I've broken him I think!
I have 5 with big and small age gaps - 15 years between oldest and youngest.
I only have 11 months between dd3 and dd4 and it's been bloody hard but I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel now they are 18m and 2 1/2. They play together a lot and act like a little 'team' when we're out. Dd3 even speaks for dd4 and tells me what she wants - they are great!
I thought the final pregnancy would have finished me off but actually, spd aside, I was healthier ever.
Some days I feel emotionally drained and like a zombie especially since DH works long hours. But I wouldn't change my family for anything.
A positive story:
I have 9 year old, 6 year old 20 month old and 10 month twins. So I has 3 babies under 10 months when they were born
How it affected me? My independence has gone, I can't just pop to the shop or go anywhere with them on my own unless I get a tripple
Buggy but it won't fit in doors so no point!
How has it affected me physically and emotionally? My body is ruined, stretched and wobbly, come 8pm I'm
Exhausted ready for bed!
My other children? They do loose out in things as agin I can't just take them places as and when.
But all the above doesn't matter to me, I live my babies, they are the cutest little girls ever they all play so well and are so close. The 3 younger ones now all in same clothes sizes and nappies, my older two love them and miss them when at school, when they play out the girls will sit and watch them and get so excited!
Me and my husband have a fantastic partnership, we are a great team which helps so much!!!
What I'm getting at I guess is I enjoy it and I know not a lot of people would,buy they are only this little for such a short time.
My advice to anyone would be routine routine routine and just enjoy it
This thread fills me with hope. I have a 2.5yo dd1 and a 7m dd2 and found out on xmas day that dc3 will be joining us in August 2013.
am utterly freaked by the prospect of 3 under 4, especially dd2 only being 15 months when her new sibling joins us. It its nice to hear that it can be done and that the hard work paids off.
I just worry about short changing dd1 and dd2 on one on one time.
Mine are 8.5, 6.11, 4.5 and 2.7 years now so 4 pregnancies in under 6 years well 5 pregnancies (had a mc between DD2 & 3).
Physically I'm fine now, SPD pregnancies were hard. I'm worn out though, 4 DCs are hard work, the washing is endless, you do feel spilt in four some days and there's the guilt that we don't go abroad or go out for dinner even.
I want to return to work but don't know how without spending £££s
I'm glad (in a way) that most of you are confessing to being pretty wrecked by having a large family.
I have this calm veneer when around other people, and it's not that I'm pretending that all is wonderful, but it may come across that way. When I'm at home I feel overwhelmed, shouty, grumpy and bloody shattered.
I have 4 DCs all under 10 with fairly small age gaps. DH is great, but works long hours and is also permanently exhausted.
We are generally a very happy family, and I wouldn't change any of it for the world, but I am glad that not everyone else is finding it a doddle!
Jenesaispais - are you me? I feel exactly like you, overwhelmed is how I feel most days.
I do look at families with two with envy some days. My BF has twin girls aged 7, they are always immaculately dressed, her house is always tidy, she drives a standard car, holidays abroad etc
Oh well I do love my four, away to play with them now :D
sweetkitty it's so much better when people are honest about how hard it is otherwise we are all trying to be perfect which is a path to misery IME.
I am envious too sometimes when I am around families with 2 DCs, but it is my rule never to complain about having 4, as it was entirely my choice! (I do to myself though - a lot!)
My twins were born 11 months after I had DS1, he's now 5. I had DS2 2hen the twins were 2. I'm now pregnant with DC5, who's due in September. Emotionally, I couldn't be happier. My kids have fulfilled my life and I'm only 23. Because of my relatively young age, I don't think I've been affected as badly as some on here. However, my body was already worn out by the pregnancies before DC5 was conceived. I tired all the time, both for caring for young children and the strain of the pregnancy. I have luckily avoided stretch marks so far. But I am dreading to see what my belly looks like come September. Although I have no plans for it, I would love to have more kids in the future.
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