"super nanny in the Times"

[codswallop]

anyone interested in this article?

here is part of it summarised:


Times 2 - features

Top ten parental mistakes

1 Lack of communication. Parents must talk and come to a solution about their child?s difficult behaviour together.

2 Lack of assertiveness. Some children don?t seem to know that their parents are in charge. This makes them insecure and angry. Prove your authority by being calmly in control. If you promise or threaten something, be consistent and deliver it.

3 No time off. It?s important for parents to have time away from their children to build on the parental relationship that supports the entire family.


4 Too many choices. Toddlers often don?t know if they would prefer the blackcurrant juice to the orange. Often it is better to tell them what they are having or doing rather than asking them what they want.

5 Poor routine. Children prefer to know exactly what happens at what time. This increases their sense of security and the sense that someone is in charge.

6 No warnings. Give children ample warning about everything. Don?t suddenly tell them that they are getting out of the bath. Say: ?We?ll need to get out in five minutes.? The same applies to discipline. Warn a child that a certain action will result in a certain punishment.


7 Not enough praise. Tell off your children if necessary, but don?t forget to give them copious praise when it is due.

8 Making comparisons. Comparing your child with other children is not helpful. All children develop at their own pace.

9 Being too ?hands on?. It isn?t always necessary to be completely involved with children?s activities. Step back sometimes to let them them learn and develop their imaginations.

10 Lack of empathy. Sometimes parents seem incapable of seeing things through a child?s eye. Listen to your children and try to understand what is happening in their world.

[codswallop]

agree re choices
My brother asks his toddler if she want s to go to bed! just take them!

[Hulababy]

4 and 5 I find about too rigid for us. My 2yo DD needs tobe given limited choices about things. She is given the choice of 2 different options when it comes to things like drinks, clothes and food. But if I feel it is important then she knows I have final say too.

And (5) routine? Our routine is very very flexible. We are not very good at routine but DD does great regardless.

Mopst of the other stuff is pretty spot on though I think.

[gothicmama]

Think most of it is rightit is having the time to do it all properly and remaining objective that is a problem

[Hulababy]

codswallop - she doesn't get a choice for bedtime though; that is definitely my say!!!

[oliveoil]

Is it in T2 today? I will read it later is so.

We have a routine in our house but I try to pick my battles so I am not constantly moaning. I praise dd for the slightest thing so she probably will grow up thinking she is the bees knees and be spoilt!

[marialuisa]

Well I excel at avoiding being "too hands on" . Think the toddlers and choice thing is a bit vague. At 18m DD wouldn't have known whether she wanted to wear a dress/trousers whereas now (3y4m)she does care. I still choose which alternatives she's offered though.

I also think no.1 is inappropriate for young children, over 6s maybe? or does she mean communication between parents?

[codswallop]

think routine is more iportant if oyu have more kids

for eg poor old ds2 has to watch ds1 play football for an hour every monday
he know that htats what we do on mondays and accpets it.

[bundle]

most evenings at bedtime dd1 goes through with me what's happening the next day, and the next etc ad nauseum...it helps her to plan ahead a bit for nice/not so nice bits. she also knows what's negotiable now - eg no tv in mornings when getting ready, but ok when get home from nursery for half an hour before bath, bedtime etc.

[marialuisa]

I think some people take routine to mean a very fixed "bath at 7, story at 7.15" sort of thing whereas for us it's more that the same things happen, just that the actual time (e.g. of supper) varies hugely.

Also DD is now old enough to appreciate a break from the routine, e.g. had no water until 7pm last week so went out to eat "on a school day". she was thrilled whereas at the w/e it's a "routine" thing to do.

[codswallop]

yes a gree

it is nice to have the basis of a routine for whn all goes bad but be able to liberate yourself form it whne need must or the whim takes you

Ifind a lot of parnetsa re overly rigid, I know we were with the first one

[aloha]

Though it was pretty much spot on. I always talk to my ds about what we are doing tomorrow at bedtime, this afternoon at naptime, and over breakfast we talk about the day ahead. He loves to have it in his head.

[aloha]

Actually, not always - if dh is putting to bed then he does it (but not as well as me )

[Pidge]

I think most of those are very sensible - and it's amazing how something as simple as giving notice that something's due to happen can avoid arguments. My dd is nearly 2 and I try to always tell her we're going to leave the playground / get out of the bath in a few minutes. I also told my partner to start doing that and it's definitely helped avoid that terrible tantrum when you pull her out of the bath or whatever.

[Slinky]

I read this morning - bit of a routine fan in this house - not strict but have to have some sort of "system" otherwise we'd never get out of the door in the mornings!

Everything else made sense to me - I did offer choices (limited!) to them when they were younger and obviously now my eldest is coming up for 9, she has a lot more say in what she wants/does etc.

Don't need to worry about being "too hands on!" If anything I'm the other way, I wait for them to ask if they need my help/want me to play - I prefer to let them play their own games and it encourages them to use their imaginations. I did notice working at the nursery that there were some children who totally relied on adult input - and although I did play/help/give ideas etc it is important that this isn't to the detriment of "child V child" relationships.

Going back to routine, I remember once when they were younger, I decided to bath them before their dinner - dinner wasn't ready, so thought I'd use the time waiting to bath them. The fuss they made !! "are we going to bed now?, we haven't had dinner, why are we having a bath now?" - Regimented?? Nah..

[Heathcliffscathy]

agree with most of it. don't agree with calling it a naughty step...prefer steve biddulph's place to think, until ready to 'deal', i.e. think about why mummy might not what you to do that, or might be angry, and as soon as want to talk about it, out...type thing...

[marialuisa]

yes, "naughty step" would go down like a lead balloon here. DD goes to her room "for a think" and has been known to suggest that we might like to do the same .

[Jimjams]

Read the top 10 hints bits and have to say a lot of it is the stuff you are taught if you have an autistic child. Few differences- for example a lot of autistic children have no concept of choice so that has to be taught.

Giving warnings that things have to finish works really weell. We use countdowns a lot with both boys.

Haven't read the main bit of the article yet.

[codswallop]

naughty step worked a treat for ds1 - now I sned him to his room

he is not depressed or gone mad a s a result!

lets face it kids are noughty sometimes

[marialuisa]

it's the name not the principle I (or more accurately, DD) would have a problem with coddy. And as putting her in her room is used for whining I'd rather she was out of earshot. It's quite funny because she'll stand on the threshold of her room when she's put there but doesn't put a toe over.

[Slinky]

Just been reading the main article again and laughed out loud at this, reading it to DH :

"In the evenings Charlie likes to strut around the house, barking orders at the rest of the family. Often he insists that they switch off the television, the fire, and the lights and sit in total darkness until he decides what they should do next. ?To be honest, we?re scared of him,? says his mother."


This is a 2.5yo boy!!!! Who's in charge here???

[Cam]

When I read the article yesterday I thought it was more or less accurate as to what I have always done, except I have never had a naughty step. I think because I did/do the other things, we haven't needed it. Most of it just is common sense.

[katierocket]

seems like common sense to me. Definitely the bit about talking to them so they know what to expect/what's going on and also routine (very imp for my DS anyway).

I still can't believe they've made a programme out of this though