A B C or D all vote now!!

(34 Posts)
soconfuseddotcom Sun 06-Jan-13 16:35:02

Hey all, Hapy new year, hoping for a little help on a decision we need to make, DS is 4mths old, will be going back to work April possibly May. Still tearing my hair out as to what childcare will be best. DH and I both commute into London by train.

A) Have looked at 2 local nurseries, but both charge extra for 7.30 am drop off, 6.30 pm pick up. I'm have to be on the train 7am, but DH starts work a bit later and could drop off 7.30, I could pick up 6.30, but 8am and 5.30pm, (the nursery's usual start/finish times are cutting it too fine). Both were quite good, one I liked a bit better than the other, one offered a bettered structured day, but the other I felt offered better personal intimate care (a bit smaller). I liked the second, DH liked the first.

B) There is a nursery down the road from my work, 2 of my collegues have DC in this nursery and they are always singing its praises, and it has excellent reviews. Trouble is, its a bit more pricey than local nursery (being in London) although not a great deal, but also, the idea of taking a 7mth old on a packed stuffy communters train worries me.

C) Childminders - I'll admit I haven't really had a look on the availabilty of local childminders. I probably should.

D) Get a nanny - this is what DH really wants. He feels DS would be more secure and happy at home, and I kind of agree...but....I'm just not keen on the idea of another woman caring for my baby in my home, I know I'm being ridiculous, but I kind of feel like she would be replacing me, and play a role that I should be doing....anyone else ever felt like that? Or am I just being hormonal?

So, there it is, A B C or D....what would you do?

If you use a nursery or CM, I would suggest one closer to work then home, because at least you can pick up straight after work and not have the stress of having to rush the commute home to get there in time. But that would be trickier in London, I suppose, with trains etc. Nanny sounds ideal.

dorapeppageorgenoddy Sun 06-Jan-13 18:36:43

I always thought that I would think the same about having a nanny; I thought it would evoke jealousy and that I would hate see my baby with as you call it 'another women'
BUT
We decided on a nanny from last August and it has been the best thing ever, instead of jealousy I am so happy to see my children happy and so happy to see the activities they have done together in the day...
Honestly the right nanny will make it all feel right...

We interviewed 6 before finding our amazing girl, she had the least nanny experience (nursery work) had few formal qualifications but was just amazing with our children from meeting them - she does need some guidance; we have a book she writes what the day has involved and any key things like medicine we all write in so we all know what's been happening...

I say 1hr of tv and she has a structured week of one activity a day that she choose/or I suggested but she is happy to go to...

Anyway I am rambling but honestly it works....

twofalls Sun 06-Jan-13 18:26:44

What chipping said (she always says what I am thinking but can't be arsed to type grin)

Soconfused.... My nanny was lovely but I knew my mother and father were my parents abd she was just the nice lady who minded me.

In fact the most damaging thing for my relationship with my mother was undoubtedly when she gave up work to be a SAHM. She was not suited to spending extended periods with a child and she hated the boredom. We'd have had a better relationship of shed stayed at work and I kept my nanny!

Viviennemary Sun 06-Jan-13 18:03:09

I think you should look at C. And D if you get a good reliable nanny if you can afford it. I think very small babies are better with individuals rather than in nurseries. But that's only my opinion.

MistyB Sun 06-Jan-13 17:57:25

D for all the reasons chipping said. You will gain about an hour a day not having to drop off, collect, prepare the nursery bag etc. Taking tired kids home is never fun but if they already at home when you get there, it is much less stressful. Your DC's needs will be upper most at all times. It is good for them to become attached and love someone who cares for them rather than being one of many being cared for by many. And the nanny will never replace you. It is a common concern but we certainly couldn't believe the difference a nanny made to all of our lives when we changed from nursery to nanny.

Curlyfrizzball Sun 06-Jan-13 17:55:27

D if you can afford it. C if not. My DD is with a childminder 3 days a week 730-530, but one of the other children she has is there until 630, so she does work those hours overall IYSWIM. I went back at 6 months, and at that age, personally, I really wanted something as close to what I would have provided if I was there as I could get.

DD loves it there, and she and the childminder have a great bond, but I don't feel like she replaces me in any way -I look at it like her having a bond with a grandparent or something.

bigkidsdidit Sun 06-Jan-13 17:46:49

D

If not, C.

I have a Cm and love it. She has 3 children at a time (he max allowed) and DS adores her. He goes 8.30-4 ish so it's fine but any longer and I'd consider a nanny. Coming home to a happy fed baby, bathed at home, napped on own cot - she would probably do the baby's laundry etx too.
Fabulous!

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Sun 06-Jan-13 17:44:07

D - without a shadow of a doubt.

Babies (& children) have the capacity to love lots of people. His love for you wont change because he has a nanny.

People need to choose the type of care they are happy with and can afford, but it is incredibly selfish to consider a type of care that isn't as good for your child simply because you'd be jealous.

Other than the benefits to the child (which I believe are many and varied) there are lots of advantages to YOU having a nanny and I cannot for the life of me see why anyone would choose anything else if they could afford a nanny.... I'll list just a few.

- You get up and get yourself ready for the day. You don't have to get DS up if he's asleep, you don't have to get his breakfast, get him dressed and out of the door at a set time. It's not all nicey nice morning time, it's frantic.

- You don't have to panic about getting to the nursery before it closes. Of course you have a time to be home for the nanny and you wouldn't want to continually be late, but it is much less stressful.

- Your nanny will do the 'routine' until you get home, so you can decide what bits you want to do and what bits you want the nanny to do. Nanny can have DS fed, bathed and in his PJ's, ready for milk and a cuddle. If you pick up from nursery you have to get home, put a clingy tired DS in the bath, get him ready for bed - it's all a frantic rush.

- When your DS is unwell your nanny will still look after him (make sure this is agreed in your contract).

- You have a lot more say over your DS's food/weaning etc

All that on top of your DS having someone 1:1 who cares about him, who takes him out to places, who can let him nap when it suits him (not the nursery routine) and so many other advantages.

All you have to do is get a grip on your emotions and choose the best nanny you can find for your family.

GardenWorm Sun 06-Jan-13 17:40:00

C; when you get a good one you'll realise they are worth their weight in gold! But sounds like you can afford D which would be easier still. I do the London commute - would never attempt a nursery in London. Also nurseries charge loads if you are minutes late, childminders tend to be a bit more flexible once you have a good working relationship. Oh and as they will have less children your little one may pick up less bugs!

OddBoots Sun 06-Jan-13 17:28:36

Do you have any friends in the same kind of boat with whom you could maybe have a nanny share?

twofalls Sun 06-Jan-13 17:26:10

Those are long days for a baby in a nursery. I would def go for d. Worth a few sacrifices I think.

missmapp Sun 06-Jan-13 17:21:32

The reason we didnt do childminders when the dcs were little was I didnt like the idea of them being in the car alot doing school pick ups etc. HOWEVER, they now both go to a childminder and I wish I had used that route when they were little. Their nurseries were fab, but our cm is so great, I know she would have given them a fab time.

Generally there will be a few other children, of diff ages, but that is what my dcs love the most- loads of children to play with!

EverythingsNotRosie Sun 06-Jan-13 17:18:34

Without a doubt, D, if you can afford it. I wish I could!

soconfuseddotcom Sun 06-Jan-13 17:16:42

D is certainly going to be the most expensive...we would certainly have to make sacrifices and cut our monthly saving to afford, but then again, we would still be able to live comfortably.
Does anyone know what the norm is at the moment for childminders - would he be the only baby? Would the childminder be rushed off her feet with lots of little ones?
Thank you all for the advice smile

BuffyFairyTopsTheTree Sun 06-Jan-13 17:14:54

D if you can afford it. A one-to-one bond with a caregiver is a good thing and you won't be stressing if something comes up at work and you have to stay a bit later. Also, a nanny could still look after your DS if he is ill.

Otherwise C. I have to pay my childminder extra for outside normal hrs but I'm very happy with the care she provides. It took a lot of searching though. Good childminders with a place for under 1s go quickly.

LimeLeafLizard Sun 06-Jan-13 17:05:15

D if you can afford it.

I could not, and did A, which worked well as I chose a very small nursery - just 4 FT staff and a cook. I knew all the staff, they all knew me and my children.

I'd consider a childminder but depends how many children she has / what ages. Round here they seem to take quite a lot at one time and spend a lot of time walking to /from the school run. But if you find a person you really like who has a good routine for your child, then it could prove as good an option as D, but less expensive. Can't hurt to check it out, anyway.

ShebaQueen Sun 06-Jan-13 17:03:51

I tried A and C with my two although it was many years ago. A was too stressful, rushing back and commuting when the trains were (are) unreliable. My son was exhausted. C worked best for us, but we were lucky to find someone flexible and someone my sons really loved (still do!).

Good luck with whatever you decide.

bbface Sun 06-Jan-13 17:02:54

If D is an option, it is really a no brainier.

Do a little research on what is best for children. After parents and family, it is overwhelmingly nanny. This will change as your child grows older, and then nursery plays a more important role. But if D is an option, Absolutely D.

deleted203 Sun 06-Jan-13 17:01:58

C if you can find a good childminder. They are a far better option that nurseries IMO.

turkeyboots Sun 06-Jan-13 17:00:22

Oh, and Southeastern trains didn't let me on train with buggy at rush hour. Trying to juggle baby, bags and folding buggy was not fun, and that was a "fun" trip on a day off.

Badvoc Sun 06-Jan-13 16:59:45

D

turkeyboots Sun 06-Jan-13 16:57:08

D or C. B is madness as commuting with a child will be awful. We did A for a while and it was misery for all of us. DD was first in and last out of nursery every day and we were still having to cut an hour or so out of our day to do drop offs and pick up.

But nannies are expensive and good childminders like gold dust. We moved out of London entirely in the end, and I work from home now, with DC in local nursery.

Good luck!

WipsGlitter Sun 06-Jan-13 16:56:43

D if you can afford it. If not B.

mellowcat Sun 06-Jan-13 16:52:00

I would go with D without a doubt.

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