Having an IEP at 3.6 years old does not label a child as a trouble maker. (Unless its a crap school.) I think that having an IEP can only be a good thing. However I think three years old is a bit premature for having an IEP for being gifted.
My son had an IEP when he was little because of gross and fine motor control problems. He had input from an occuaptional theraphist. Once he got his pen control to a reasonble level the IEP was stopped at 6 years old.
Nursery wanted to test ds1 when he started on his third birthday as he was reading happily and could work out multiplications, additions, and subtractions to work out change from hundreds. the LA refused flat out and said there was no such thing as 'gifted' until yr r.
Is mil a qualified teacher? Most schools have a hissy fit if unqualified nursery staff start 'teaching' as apparently they don't know how to do it and aren't qualified to do it. (This may be mere protectionism, after all, parents aren't qualified teachers and home edders have literate and functional children lol)
All three of mine are gifted. None of them have had Ieps for being gifted in nursery (including the two who taught themselves to read at 2 having started decoding and memorising the alphabet and basic phonics at 18 mos, the one assessed as having a reading and comprehension age of 15 at 5, and the one doing multiplication and random arithmetic in the hundreds in his head at 3.)
I would be sceptical tbh. Not because Ds isn't bright, but because there is no need to stretch him at this point in a formal way. He will teach himself and learn enough through play. He isn't going to suddenly become ungifted just because he hasn't got an iep and a nursery nurse getting him to write lines.
Some kids do need more learning opportunity. Some kids have behavioural issues, argue with their peers, and find it hard to form meaningful relationships with other three year olds because they want to discuss the inner workings of a combustion engine, or debate religion v evolution, and get really stressed when their peers snatch the book they are reading. If Ds is happy, and learning to socialise with his peers, then I would let him be. He can still read, draw and try to write stuff - three year olds do. But he doesn't need a nursery teaching him. If he's bright he will just pick it up through osmosis anyway.
Fwiw, there's Nowt wrong with an iep in school. It's a perfectly acceptable way of setting targets for gifted kids. All three of mine have had them in school. (All three have been officially tested btw - which I assume Ds hasn't)
I would also be wary of mil setting herself up for flak from other parents. I might get a bit eye rolly myself if I knew the owners grandson was getting special treatment.
I think you are right to avoid it to be honest and agree that whilst your DS does sound bright, he's not sounding particularly in need of an IEP at the moment.
When he get's to reception, they may decide to put him on the G&T register and then he will have more challenging work to do and his needs will be met...in the meantime I would tell MIL not to carry out her plan. It's far too soon. MIl is right to begin phonics etc though...he's ready and keen so why not.
I do have experience as my older DD displayed sometimes alarming abilities in terms of art and poetry at a similar age....she was also extremely articulate. She's 8 now and yes, she's bright...reading age of 12-13 and very talented artist...but she's not what is classed as G&T....in fact during years 2 and 3 she seemed to lag....her year 4 teacher has said that she's heading for the top 10% right now but not to push her in any way as she'll get there when she's ready to.
DS has been attending MILs nursery since he was 21 months. She's always been saying hes clever and recently he's been asking how to spell names once then writing them from memory afterwards, doing basic addition/subtraction and general things like this. His language is around that expected of a 5 year old but self care wise he still soils once or twice a week and occasionally wets.
His drawings are very detailed- people, scenery and basic storyline involved and his keyworker keeps saying that he's clever. MIL wants to put him on an individual educational plan to further him and is starting writing properly and phonics with him in September.
I'm finding it hard to separate her saying he's gifted as a childcare professional from him being her grandson so of course she had to say he's clever. I'm also slightly worried as an IEP is what we put the kids on that have SN or behavioural issues and I'm concerned that a school might see it as DS being a difficult child and tarnish him before he's started.
Has anyone any experience of this? I genuinely don't know if he is gifted or just picks things up easily so apologies if this sounds as though I'm boasting with no reason or boasting at all really.