Thanks Harebelle for the info. I have been googling and learnt a lot! I think I am in a bit of shock and denial that things have got this bad!

I haven't seen him for a few months but he has sounded fine when I chat to him on the phone. I feel terrible that I haven't seen much of him and wish I had taken some action sooner.

You are quite right about his care needs. I already discussed with dsis that apart from practical assistance, he will need some ongoing treatment/counselling for the alcoholism. He has finally faced the fact that that he IS an alcoholic.

There is a lot of history to do with my SM and her behaviour, and I think I am so angry with what has happened it is defninitely colouring my view at the mo. I have to think that he has probably been not nice to live with for some time, and this is not all down to her. Plus I feel bad that I am so far away and can't afford to get back very often.

Need to take some deep breaths and decide what needs to be done next. Dsis will report back from the meeting with the consultant.

We used to joke that the upside of him marrying a woman half his age was that we wouldn't have to worry about him when he got old! He'd be happy and looked after! That joke has worn a bit thin!

The fluid being drained is ascites, where alcoholic liver damage (amongst other pathologies) affects the blood composition so that fluid is lost from vessels into the peritoneal cavity. 6 litres is a huge quantity and would have a serious impact on a person's ability to breathe effectively due to upward pressure on the diaphragm.

From what you say and clinical experience he should be receiving thiamine and IV pabrinex to replace/support B vitamin deficiency caused by alcohol abuse. Nerves cannot function without this but sometimes replacement can have pretty spectacular effects and restore full mobility.

I don't think anyone not professionally qualified should be expected to practically look after someone who clearly abuses alcohol to such a life threatening extent - I don't think this is necessarily about love but about recognising that this gentleman's needs are simply too much.

Good luck x

Thanks for the info - and the link. Dsis will see the consultant today. Apparently up til last night they had drained 6L of fluid from his belly!!!

The Age Concern link is really useful. He already gets DLA as he has been too ill to work for a while. Had a quick read this morning. It would appear to confirm my suspicions that it is possible to provide services but they will need to be paid for.

So SM has a good income and a high level of savings (Dad was so proud of her for this!) I wonder now if she will cough up for some care at home, or if we won't see her for dust! (I am a bit bitter and twisted over her though I must admit.) Will wait to see what happens today.

Do contact the social worker who is connected with the ward - they are the lead agency for any adults identified as vulnerable, and as such should co-ordinate sorting out care for him, and considering his safety and so on. There may be safeguarding issues if your SM left him there for two days. They will be able to advise about care, but it really depends on what he can do for himself. The PTs and OTs should assess him when he is fitter.

He sounds like he has a few issues - maybe a community matron should be involved? They are intended to stop admissions to hospitals for patients with chronic diseases such as diabetes and COPD. Either the ward or your district nurses can refer him if you have community matrons in your area.

good luck

you might find this link useful about care in your own home:

www.ageconcern.org.uk/AgeConcern/info_guide_1.asp

if he needs help with personal care etc then he may well be entitled to disability benefits that could pay for whatever the council charges for care.

hope that as the hospital carries out investigations, that they can sort your dad out

I'm OK. Feel a bit guilty that I am not there. He is obviously being well taken care of at the mo. More worried about what will happen the long term.

SM is younger than me, has never contributed a penny to household expenses though she has a very good job. Dad has been paying the bills from his savings since he lost his job. She is not prepared to look after him.

They will be talking to ss tomorrow apparently, but I have no clue as to what care is available. SM has plenty of money and is young, fit and healthy. I can't see that ss will be sending someone in for free to look after him. Dsis and I both live such a long way away....and Dad mentioned last weekend that SM was a planning a month long trip to China over Xmas!

If he was older I guess we would be looking at residential care, but he is 60!

Hi Porto, how are you? Are you coping ok? It must be very difficult for you being so far away. Thinking of you.

Hi. Will probably start another thread asking for more practical advice...But he is comfortable. They are draining fluid still, and giving him drugs to counter the withdrawal effects of the alcohol.

Apparently he has very little strength in his arms and legs, but at least has faced up to the fact that the drinking has to stop. No one has explained yet (to me at least) the reason for his inability to walk - but probably circulation issues linked the diabetes. He can't go home as SM is refusing to take any time off.

Dsis was picking up a few bits for him this morning then going back to the hospital. She will update me later. Thanks for the good wishes.

porto - know im new to all of this - just wondered how you were getting on with your father - hope there has been a little improvement for you - good luck

was sad to read your situation i too have a SM and until probably around 2yrs ago when my sis and i nearly lost our dad due to her selfishness, I ended up taking over the situation - much to her fury!!!!!
Already lost a mum at 12 - my father so important to me now as is with most daughters. Speak quietly to the hospital if he is still in, ask them to help you, explain possible break down with SM - this year my father had a heart attack and SM phoned me asking what should she do - just luck I came straight home from work. He recovering well now thank god, however has made my sis and I very nervous. If you explain your worries to the hospital they are there to help and being a daughter will give you any information you are not gaining from SM - I would deffo want to know why she left him like that for 2 days - poor man