Mumsnet Talk

Apparently my Aunt/Uncle arrived tonight for a pre-arranged visit to dind my dad sitting - well basically in 2 days of piss - sorry if TMI. I can't think what my delightful SM has been doing during this time!

He has COPD and type 2 diabetes and for the last couple of days has been unable to get up from the sofa. So he has basically wet himself where is he is sitting.

They have had a long discussion with him with him resisting any medical attention. They called for an ambulance. My sister happened to ring in the middle of this. He would not speak to her. He is being taken by ambulance to hospital.

I spoke to him earlier in the week and he was busy with the family tree - no indication of any major issues. I am abroad but sister is planning to travel there tomorrow. She is going to check with the hospital tonight to see what the situation is.

Anyone got any clues on what might happen? Is this potentially life threatening or a chronic problem? My step mother seems to be unwilling to take care of him. What would happen in this situation? Very worried but don't know what to do from a practical point of view.

OK, so why can't he get up from the sofa? Is it because he is so short of breath? Or his legs won't work? What on earth has your SM been doing for you! Is your sister close to the hospital because if it was my dad I think I would be up there to see what's going on.

Oh, what a horrid thing for you and your dad. How old is he, has he been ill up to now? Hospital must be the best place for now while he gets sorted out. So very sorry to hear this and so sorry you're away, it must be awful.

Sister is about 250 miles away and me the same so not practical to be there tonight. He was made redundant about a year ago, and has basically sat there drinking wine all day ever since.

Not sure if the legs won't work thing is linked to the COPD or general lack of use. I know he hasn't been able to climb the stairs for a couple of months. He hasn't helped/looked after himself at all I think.

We've tried to get him to stop drinking, get more active, get hobbies (hence family tree thing) but he is gutted after losing his job (after 40 years) and just seems to have given up.

Aw Porto that's really sad His drinking is not going to help his diabetes but you know that. Really sorry to hear this, your poor dad. You must be so worried!

He is 60 by the way!

Thanks! He knows the drinking is killing him. He just doesn't care. He has children who love him, and grand kids who he could be spending time with. I want to have loads of dosh and book him in a clinic somewhere, but that just isn't going to happen. I think he actually wants to die.

Oh Porto I am so sorry for you. It must be so hard to watch your dad do this to himself. He is in the best place for now. Maybe your sister can give the staff a bit more background to how is has been tomorrow when she goes to visit and he can get some help.

hope so! Dd was off school with the flu, last week, this week DH and I have had it. Work has barely seen me. Worry that next week will have to go to UK. Seems selfish to worry about work in the scheme of things. I don't know what to think really. In bits.

Aw Porto Is your DH with you? You're not on your own are you? Have you spoken to your sister since your dad was admitted for an update or could you ring the hospital?

dh with me. Will ring dsis in a little while - then we might know what we are dealing with. Thanks so much for your posts.

i'm completely unmedically qualified - but to me it sounds like it could be some sort of exacerbation of the COPD, say if he's got a chest infection? hopefully they will do investigations at the hospital and get him back on his feet again. he might need to be on oxygen when he's in the hospital. hope things improve for your dad soon.

I'm sorry your dad is poorly.

He may well have complications from uncontrolled diabetes, such as diabetic neuropathy which will affect his mobility. He may also have an exacerbation of his COPD which makes any exertion difficult and will leave him very short of breath.

I imagine they will give him a good going over in hospital - he will probably have bloods taken, a chest X ray and may well be given nebulisers and oxygen. He may need a drip to control his blood sugars if they are very high.

(This is all speculation obviously!)

I do hope he's better soon. You must be worried and it's hard when you're far away.

Thanks! Dsis has just rung back. He is still in A&E so they can't give any information. She will try again a bit later.

So bit of an update. Apparently last night they cleaned him up, gave him some vitamins (?) and have taken measures to clear the fluid on his lungs.

He needs to have an ultrasound apparently as his tummy is very swollen and they want to see what is going on. Dsis has driven down there today. Agreed that I did not need to come just yet.

Step mother phoned this afternoon. He is fine ((!) Well obviouslly he isn't.) He can come home. Apparently last night she told the doctor that her jpb was more important than him and that she couldn't look after him. My auntie was incandescent with rage!

Not sure what will happen now. Dsis is hoping to enlist social services. He can't look after himself, and step mother appears to be unwilling to do anything. I live 300 miles away in another country and dsis lives nearly as far but within UK. I have no clue!

So have they discharged him yet Porto?

What is wrong with you SM? You must be furious She is capable of looking after him is she? As in she is able bodied, not unwell?

I hope you find a solution. Thank goodness your DSis is there! Thinking of you

was sad to read your situation i too have a SM and until probably around 2yrs ago when my sis and i nearly lost our dad due to her selfishness, I ended up taking over the situation - much to her fury!!!!!
Already lost a mum at 12 - my father so important to me now as is with most daughters. Speak quietly to the hospital if he is still in, ask them to help you, explain possible break down with SM - this year my father had a heart attack and SM phoned me asking what should she do - just luck I came straight home from work. He recovering well now thank god, however has made my sis and I very nervous. If you explain your worries to the hospital they are there to help and being a daughter will give you any information you are not gaining from SM - I would deffo want to know why she left him like that for 2 days - poor man

porto - know im new to all of this - just wondered how you were getting on with your father - hope there has been a little improvement for you - good luck

Hi. Will probably start another thread asking for more practical advice...But he is comfortable. They are draining fluid still, and giving him drugs to counter the withdrawal effects of the alcohol.

Apparently he has very little strength in his arms and legs, but at least has faced up to the fact that the drinking has to stop. No one has explained yet (to me at least) the reason for his inability to walk - but probably circulation issues linked the diabetes. He can't go home as SM is refusing to take any time off.

Dsis was picking up a few bits for him this morning then going back to the hospital. She will update me later. Thanks for the good wishes.

Hi Porto, how are you? Are you coping ok? It must be very difficult for you being so far away. Thinking of you.

I'm OK. Feel a bit guilty that I am not there. He is obviously being well taken care of at the mo. More worried about what will happen the long term.

SM is younger than me, has never contributed a penny to household expenses though she has a very good job. Dad has been paying the bills from his savings since he lost his job. She is not prepared to look after him.

They will be talking to ss tomorrow apparently, but I have no clue as to what care is available. SM has plenty of money and is young, fit and healthy. I can't see that ss will be sending someone in for free to look after him. Dsis and I both live such a long way away....and Dad mentioned last weekend that SM was a planning a month long trip to China over Xmas!

If he was older I guess we would be looking at residential care, but he is 60!

you might find this link useful about care in your own home:

www.ageconcern.org.uk/AgeConcern/info_guide_1.asp

if he needs help with personal care etc then he may well be entitled to disability benefits that could pay for whatever the council charges for care.

hope that as the hospital carries out investigations, that they can sort your dad out

Do contact the social worker who is connected with the ward - they are the lead agency for any adults identified as vulnerable, and as such should co-ordinate sorting out care for him, and considering his safety and so on. There may be safeguarding issues if your SM left him there for two days. They will be able to advise about care, but it really depends on what he can do for himself. The PTs and OTs should assess him when he is fitter.

He sounds like he has a few issues - maybe a community matron should be involved? They are intended to stop admissions to hospitals for patients with chronic diseases such as diabetes and COPD. Either the ward or your district nurses can refer him if you have community matrons in your area.

good luck

Thanks for the info - and the link. Dsis will see the consultant today. Apparently up til last night they had drained 6L of fluid from his belly!!!

The Age Concern link is really useful. He already gets DLA as he has been too ill to work for a while. Had a quick read this morning. It would appear to confirm my suspicions that it is possible to provide services but they will need to be paid for.

So SM has a good income and a high level of savings (Dad was so proud of her for this!) I wonder now if she will cough up for some care at home, or if we won't see her for dust! (I am a bit bitter and twisted over her though I must admit.) Will wait to see what happens today.

The fluid being drained is ascites, where alcoholic liver damage (amongst other pathologies) affects the blood composition so that fluid is lost from vessels into the peritoneal cavity. 6 litres is a huge quantity and would have a serious impact on a person's ability to breathe effectively due to upward pressure on the diaphragm.

From what you say and clinical experience he should be receiving thiamine and IV pabrinex to replace/support B vitamin deficiency caused by alcohol abuse. Nerves cannot function without this but sometimes replacement can have pretty spectacular effects and restore full mobility.

I don't think anyone not professionally qualified should be expected to practically look after someone who clearly abuses alcohol to such a life threatening extent - I don't think this is necessarily about love but about recognising that this gentleman's needs are simply too much.

Good luck x