If you think someone is exposing their child online, what do you do?

(26 Posts)
greencolorpack Fri 26-Aug-11 09:29:28

I was looking on Facebook at my news feed. My friend, A, who is a mum, commented that she "liked" a picture of her friend's child. It's a thirteen year old in loads of hair and makeup wearing a very skimpy bikini top and bottom, and she's at some kind of dance tournament. When I looked at the picture, there were 900 comments from friends saying they "Like" it. I don't know this girl or the mother, but I know A, and so I know from the photo settings they have opened it up to everyone, friends of friends or possibly everyone and anyone to see.

Now I have no problem with dance tournaments/beauty pageants, all that stuff because I know it's all in a safe setting and usually the only audience members are the mums who brought the girls there and maybe other family members. But the fact that this mum put this picture out on Facebook for literally all the world to see means surely it will be seen by people who aren't well-wishing pageant mums.

Do you think they are being naive putting pictures like that online? I am tempted to contact them and say, "lovely picture, but I'm not your friend and should not be able to see it, could you make it friends only?" Or restrict it further if she literally has 900 friends and they were the ones making the comments.

zippey Fri 18-May-12 11:44:39

Going by this, should we not speak to teenagers and women in their 20's/30's/40's etc who post suggestive pics on facebook, in case there are potensial rapists going about? I know these are adults but its the same ball park isnt it?

rockinhippy Fri 18-May-12 11:38:17

Personally in a situation like that, I would mind my own business

IAmBooyhoo Fri 18-May-12 11:26:59

btw is it just the girl children we have to protect? i've never seen a post on MN complaining about perverts seeing photos of a boy child in his trunks or gymnastics outfit or at the beach in just shorts.

IAmBooyhoo Fri 18-May-12 11:21:16

and i totally agree with Tee

IAmBooyhoo Fri 18-May-12 11:19:23

"2 previous neighbours were exposed as internet pervs - one got 5y in jail for paedo. Since then, I have:
- got dad's video camera ejected from swimming club
- complained to dance teacher about 12yo pole dancing routine. She said 'it's only parents', I said 'well some of the dads/grandads definitely enjoyed it and we don't know where that DVD is going to end up, do we'.
- got school to stop tagging girls in leotards in online public access newsletter

I would express worries to friend, A.
Possible comment 'your daughter looks a stunner in a bikini but my husband/appropriate male asks if you want help with FB privacy settings'."

WOW! sexist much? 'cause there's no way a women 'paedo' would get off on it is there? just the men you need to demonise. FFS.

zippey Fri 18-May-12 11:14:53

My little one is online too with lots of cute videos! While I am not a fan of girls getting dressed up and looking like dolls, I also think that as parents we need to have a sense of proportionality - peadophiles can be lurking the streets or lurking the internet. If people want to see a child as a sexual object, as in the OP's case, they will, wether its in the real world or the virtual world. Since we cant control what other people think, I think the best you can do is the let your child express themselves and not worry about the intentions of other people, unless the worrying is warrented.

It is a bit sad that we live in times where people complain about parents videoing their child in swimming lessons/drama classes, as these are memories that cant be re-lived. This makes me a sad panda.

eicosapentaenoic Fri 26-Aug-11 22:50:15

Tee I think a father videoing his own child swimming is very lovely and to be encouraged. But why would an adult male be videoing other people's pubescent girls?

greencolorpack Fri 26-Aug-11 22:37:45

Onagar I'm sneezing from hay fever from your strawmen arguments - please point out where I recommended locking kids in cellars/wrapping them in cotton wool?

greencolorpack Fri 26-Aug-11 22:31:46

Onagar please remember I'm just one person, I'm not running the country, I have no power over anyone else. Just interested in other peoples opinions. Put down the gun and nobody need get hurt.

The Facebook page was the mother's not the daughters, and the 900 comments may have been friends or friends of friends, I don't know which.

Faband, I sympathise about Facebook, I heard today of my friends teen daughter being a victim of bullying via that site. I warn my children about the dangers of being indiscreet on there.

fabanflabby Fri 26-Aug-11 22:11:54

Greencolourpack - I think you are right to 'highlight' this to the girls mum if you are good friends and you can have that conversation.
The content of the photo aside i would be more concerned that a 13 year old girl has 900 friends? Do her parents have the girls password and check her account at all?
I dispise facebook so Im a bit biased im afraid as my DS had to shut his account down earlier this year do to some awful experiences.
The mum may genuinely be unaware how to go about setting up the privacy settings so its worth a chat.
xx

SJisontheway Fri 26-Aug-11 22:00:46

I'm amazed there are people on here who think It's appropriate to post pics of a teenage girl in a bikini without any privacy settings. Entirely inappropriate.

onagar Fri 26-Aug-11 21:50:37

because I think people with your attitude are encouraging a sense of paranoia that is damaging to society. it's as simple as that. You can prevent anything happening to a child by locking them in the cellar, but there is a reason we don't do that.

greencolorpack Fri 26-Aug-11 21:44:10

I don't have anything against the mum except for I think she is a bit naive. There are worse things in the world. Why do you feel so strongly about this?

onagar Fri 26-Aug-11 21:34:05

greencolorpack, feel free to report me as offensive and this mum for treating her child normally. In fact dial 999 now! don't waste a second.

I happen to think that normal people do look at such photos and see children and that abnormal people see sexual objects. This doesn't necessarily mean that you get sexual gratification from them, but that you appear to be unable to see them as simply children.

The fact that some other people are also unable to see them as simply children is beside the point. This has no effect on the subject of the photograph unless the viewer acts on it. In this case by interfering with the way this woman makes decisions about her child. I think you are being insulting to her and implying that she is incapable of looking after her own child.

greencolorpack Fri 26-Aug-11 16:55:50

Okay.. so is it okay to beware of ephebophiles? Aren't they the perverts in this circumstance?

Tee2072 Fri 26-Aug-11 13:27:42

Green, I do not think Onagar was bullying you, but then again I don't think the picture you described is perverted either.

People miss one important point about peadiophiles. They like young girls who look like young girls. A picture of a 3 year old acting like a 3 year old is a turn on for them, not a picture of a 12 year old in in bikini.

The world is full of people with different ideas of what is a turn on. Perhaps we should all wrap up head to toe and never say our chidren's names in public, just in case that man walking down the street (or that woman, for that matter) admires our child.

Feel free to try to protect your own kids, although it won't work. Keep your nose out of other people's right to show off their own kids.

And eicosapentaenoic, this sentence made me sick to my stomache: "got dad's video camera ejected from swimming club". So a father can no longer video his child swimming? What the JEFF is the world coming to????

We are raising a generation of frightened kids. Yea Bo to us.

::shakes head in disbelief::

ImeldaM Fri 26-Aug-11 12:23:15

I would tell them, some people are not aware of 'security setting' options on facebook & don't realise everyone can see their pics (I think).

I have messaged a couple of relatives whose teen girls have 'open' pages & they have been thankful that it has been pointed out to them as they didn't realise.

greencolorpack Fri 26-Aug-11 12:18:00

Shalli, good idea. I am seeing A tomorrow so if I get a chance I will ask her about her friend and the picture. It's the sort of discussion I would want to have face to face.

greencolorpack Fri 26-Aug-11 12:10:04

Onagar, your tactic of labelling me a pervert is intended to bully me into silence but it won't work. I know there may be perverts on the friends list or even within the family but I still think NOT allowing 900 random strangers to see a pic is better than letting 900 strangers see. Please confine your comments to those which are constructive and impersonal or I will report your posts as offensive.

Shallishanti Fri 26-Aug-11 12:07:15

I would comment, directly to the mother, I think she is being very naieve. ?sp
especially if the girl is tagged
it's very easy to track people down using fb, I have done it myself, and if the girl uses fb she is vulnerable.
True that some of the friends/family may be a risk, but that's no reason to open her up to scrutiny by all and sundry

onagar Fri 26-Aug-11 12:01:12

Mind your own business.

You are the one being naive if you think restricting it to friends and relatives makes any difference since 'perverts' are friends and relatives too.

Fortunately most of us look at these things and think "awww how sweet" We don't think (As you apparently did) "that is a sexual picture"

eicosapentaenoic Fri 26-Aug-11 12:00:43

This really bugs me. Poor girl, esp if it's tagged. It is open access if you can see it. No, you are not being overly prudish etc - you are protecting a vulnerable innocent with a daft mother. The dangers are obvious.

2 previous neighbours were exposed as internet pervs - one got 5y in jail for paedo. Since then, I have:
- got dad's video camera ejected from swimming club
- complained to dance teacher about 12yo pole dancing routine. She said 'it's only parents', I said 'well some of the dads/grandads definitely enjoyed it and we don't know where that DVD is going to end up, do we'.
- got school to stop tagging girls in leotards in online public access newsletter

I would express worries to friend, A.
Possible comment 'your daughter looks a stunner in a bikini but my husband/appropriate male asks if you want help with FB privacy settings'.

greencolorpack Fri 26-Aug-11 11:40:57

No danger I suppose just perverts who might be Facebook friends of friends lusting over a suggestive picture of a young teen.

Tee2072 Fri 26-Aug-11 11:19:11

What, exactly, do you think is the danger?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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