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Ethical dilemmas

I think this is in the right place. Reassurance I guess

9 replies

Blackcoffeeandcigarettes · 18/07/2011 20:59

dh have been ttc for 8 months, I know that is a relatively short time in conception talk. But I'm guilty. I gad a miscarriage in April, very early on in pregnancy. These things happen.
I'm guilty because I have had 2 abortions in ny life. One when I was 16. I was a child (very immature) and did what I had to do as I couldn't of looked after a child.
The 2nd was my husbands baby. It was a few months after we met. Our contraception failed. We had only been together a few months and he was half way through a degree. We chose a termination in order for our relationship to stand a chance. Fast forward 8 years abd we gave been married 4 years, are very strong, happy and financially stable. But desperate for a child.
I feel so so so guilty that I want a child so much and I was stupid enough to conceive and my first thought was " oh shit no way how do we get rid"
Abortion won't affect my chances of conceiving another baby will it?
I guess I just need some reassurance
thank you for your time x

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Blackcoffeeandcigarettes · 18/07/2011 21:01

That seems like a rambling? Poorly spelt mess reading it back. Sorry

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therugratref · 18/07/2011 21:07

I know its easy to say but give yourself a break. You made the decisions that were right for you at the time and regreting them now is pointless. Many many women have terminations and go on to have a baby and many many pregnancies end in miscarriage. 8 months is not long. Be kind to yourself and good luck.

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therugratref · 18/07/2011 21:09

Also suggest you post on one of the more active forums

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EllieG · 18/07/2011 21:10

You poor thing - ttc is a bit of an emotional roller coaster anyway and it must be bringing all those sad/hard feelings back. Don't feel guilty - you did what you had to do in difficult circumstances and your life is very different today. Is your DH feeling sad too?

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TheProvincialLady · 18/07/2011 21:12

If you are looking for reassurance that your abortions have not affected your fertility, you should speak to your GP in the first instance. You need to hear it from a healthcare professional. I would imagine your current fertility and the early miscarriage has nothing whatsoever to do with your abortions. Early miscarriages are very very common (I had one and have never had an abortion) and 8 months is not a long time TTC (though it may feel it) - it is still well within the bounds of normal. Sorry you are feeling like this though. I wish you luck.

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Blackcoffeeandcigarettes · 18/07/2011 21:13

Thank you. I think I'm a bit scared of being judged on other forums. My family don't know about my terminations and I've moved areas so noone where I live knows. I just need to hear it from someone. Thankyou. I would normally consider myself rational but ttc has made me a but wappy. Fake symptom spotting and peeing on sticks is enough to make even the sanest of people feel wrecked!

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Blackcoffeeandcigarettes · 18/07/2011 21:15

X posts, thanks everyone. I will make an appointment with the dr. Dh is very cool, calm and relaxed about it. He is very "what will be will be" about it all. Which makes me want to hit him over the head with my (secret) ovulation sticks!

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Cattleprod · 18/07/2011 21:16

You have to make your decisions based on what is right for you at the time. You and your DH made the right decision for you at that point and there is nothing to be gained by feeling guilty now, so please try not to give yourself a hard time over the past.

I don't know much about abortions, but I assume the surgical type is very similar to an ERPC (D&C) which is the op you can have following a miscarriage. Afaik the only long term risk (very small) is Ashermans syndrome. You'll have to google this as I don't know many details about it. This is quite unlikely though, and a more likely explanation for your taking a while to conceive is the stress you are putting yourself under.

I hope you are successful ttc soon. Just keep doing what comes naturally with your lovely DH (and maybe cut down on the black coffee and cigarettes!!)

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Blackcoffeeandcigarettes · 18/07/2011 21:22

Haha! The blackcoffeeandcigarettes is a nod to my former self, pre ttc! It's all water and folic acid now adays (with the odd malborough light when AF show itself when I am positively convinced we'd hit the jackpot this month!) thanks for the information I will have a look. I know when I'm thinking rationally that there is no real harm done. But I honestly never thought that i would be as affected as I am whilst trying to conceive. Compleate emotional torture.