OMFG - how bad can this get

(4 Posts)
frillylily Wed 10-Apr-13 20:31:37

Where to start ? Back in Jan me and H had a falling out (one of many) which he decided to resolve by taking dog and going to the pub (Sunday night 2 kids to get ready for school next day etc ) He stayed there until completely obliterated (pretty much a weekly/daily occurance) I sent numerous texts to him during the time at the pub to try to get him home - all ignored so I went round (leaving 12yr old to watch 7yr old :-( not one of my better decisions) to at least collect poor dog. Walk into the pub and could not contain myself he could barely stand (8.30pm) so took dog and told him not to bother coming home to sleep it off else where! This is not the first time he regularly "walks the dog" from 8.30 to 3am (in the pub or at his mates house) on one recent occasion he came home at 7am just as my kids were getting up and fell asleep in the utility room totally off his face. He is a barely functioning alcoholic who is in complete denial - its all me I am a psyco etc etc. Any way back to that fateful night - put his bag outside and told him to go to his mates to sleep it off - long story short he kicked his way through the door until I had to open it to keep the kids calm and I proceeded to collect them up and leave him to it. The next 10 mins were awful - he fell into the house sat in the middle of the floor shout at me calling in a F***ing C**t ( infront of my kids who were hysterical) and when I tried to leave with the eldest (My friend had come to take youngest away when it all started to kick off) he lay across the bonnet of my car in my eldest childs eye line making gestures to me and shouting - "call the police - fu**ing call them!!! "Anyway I had to call the police since he did not look like he was moving anytime soon and by this point I had my sons head tucked down between hos knees to stop him seeing his dad like this. He was arrested for Domestic BOP and plead not guilty! - He has since plead guilty but now seems hell bent on totally destroying me and the kids lives- he moved out and has barely seen the kids in the last 11 weeks choosing instead to spend all his time at his drinking buddies house - this is something my kids see cos his car is always parked there or at the local pub - car parked outside it. He has taken himself off the gas, electric, taken my mobile, smashed my Laptop, bought me a new one, then took that back too, cancelled the house phone for outgoing calls, taken all my personal paperwork from the house inc my MOT for my car. I went away with the kids for a short break and came home to discover he had been staying here and found an empty litre bottle of bacardi and two empty bottles of morgans in the bin (which was emptied before I left) thats after the bottle box was emptied on Monday so who knows what else was consumed. How much worse can it get!!!!

Sorry just need to rant - only really spoken to my M & D and BFF about this - just need to know I am not being mental and OTT.

You're not being ott. My dad was a functioning alcoholic for 20 years at least. My memories of childhood- no money, always cold as couldn't afford to heat the house. Few toys, only ever second hand clothes. Mum often crying & I didn't know why. Mum & dad regularly having screaming arguments. Dad was generally gentle but he used to belt me occasionally, never in anyone else's presence. I imagine he was the same with Dsis. Mum asked me a few years ago why I stayed with EA partner so long, couldn't tell her about Dad. I genuinely only found out about Dad a couple of years ago after he had a major stroke & mum couldn't cope any more.

I bought a book recently 'Raising Girls' which says that if kids are brought up in an environment of violence, upset, sadness & often provide comfort to a parent, they will grow to associate that with love. Consequently they may subconsciously seek out abusive or 'damaged' people as to them, giving comfort represents love. So much of my life made more sense after that & I really resent my dad for it.

You & your kids deserve so much better, get them away from him now, they will thank you for it in the long term even if they don't understand yet.

corblimeymadam Fri 26-Apr-13 03:01:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cupcake78 Fri 26-Apr-13 03:33:38

I think your doing an amazing job at protecting your children from him!

My df is an alcoholic and although his behaviour was not as bad as your H he drank a lot! Bottles of brandy and whiskey a day. Thankfully he came to his senses and is now sober and has been for years. It was very upsetting and embarrassing for us to see him in such a state.

Your doing your best for your children and that's all you can do.

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