Asked husband to move out- what now?

(12 Posts)
middleeasternpromise Thu 24-Jan-13 00:12:26

pixie there are a number of specific divorce websites who talk about this specific thing including calculators etc - just google wikivorce or divorce uk and you will find alot of people who talk about all this stuff - mediation is currently the only way forward - you have to prove its been tried and been considered before moving on but in all cases you will need legal advice and court involvement, for long relationships with kids legal advice at least is a must although you dont have to slug it out with sols managing it all - just get the advice and try to work reasonably (easier said than done)

pixie54 Thu 24-Jan-13 00:04:42

Top tips for embarking on divorce please : been married for 20 years and been a SAHM for last 10 years ( dd10 ds7). Financially we've been comfortable but DH controlled all our finances - I haven't a clue about what to expect going forward. Any advice about how to make it easier gratefully accepted. I think we are going to mediate rather than courts.

emmab16 Tue 08-Jan-13 14:09:14

Thank you Olgaga & Stidw

Will have a proper read tonight

Xx

STIDW Tue 08-Jan-13 06:05:31

We went through almost every conceivable arrangement with the children from my ex living close by and the children visiting him on a daily basis when he wasn't away working to my ex moving 400 miles away and the children commuting every other weekend. TBH they all work fine if there is flexibility and at least one parent has a can do attitude.

It's important to see a solicitor to find out where you stand and what options there are in your particular circumstances. The experiences of other posters can't be relied upon because each case depends on the specific details.

Xenia's circumstances I believe were similar to mine with assets in 7 figures, incomes in 5 figures and husbands who earned less. In those circumstances the needs of both parties can be met so there is little justification to move away from sharing assets 50:50 and the higher income spouse may be required to pay spouse maintenance.

It very different when the value of the assets and incomes are more modest. There is no law in England & Wales that assets are shared 50:50 or at least it's an oversimplification of the law. When there aren't enough assets to meet the needs of both parties there is a checklist of factors in s25 Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 to refer to. It isn't possible to just read the checklist to understand it but basically the welfare of children is the priority and the needs of both spouses comes near the top of the list.

Divorce settlements are about balance. If the children are to live with you most of the time you will "need" a more substantial property than your husband who will only have them staying every other weekend. He will still need somewhere adequate though and if he earns less his mortgage raising capabilities will be less than yours. So a good starting point is to consider local house prices and both parties' mortgage raising capabilities.

Spouse maintenance is usually only appropriate when there is a big discrepancy in incomes and the higher income spouse earns above average.

About the point of releasing your husband from the mortgage. A family court may order the transfer or sale of property, but the court does not have the authority to order the mortgage company release someone from the mortgage.
That means in circumstances when Spouse A can't raise enough mortgage in their own right the Spouse B may need to stay on the mortgage until such time Spouse A can release them. Keeping a roof over children's heads is the responsibility of parents, not relatives or grandparents.

olgaga Mon 07-Jan-13 22:35:34

You need to get some very good legal advice before you do anything. You'll find information and links here which will point you in the right direction.

emmab16 Mon 07-Jan-13 19:20:20

He's looking at flats tomorrow so things are moving.... He's decided he thinks its a good idea to move out too, which im glad about xx

emmab16 Fri 04-Jan-13 19:34:21

Yes i think i will.... But we've just gone onto a low SVR so if i remortgage the interest rate will go up i guess? Bummer but if that's what has to be done.

I asked him what he wanted to do about access to the kids & he's said every other weekend. I'd be interested to know what has worked for other people xxx

Xenia Fri 04-Jan-13 17:52:31

So one question is if you approach your lender to take your husband off the mortgage whether your income is high enough to allow you to be the sole mortgage holder. Even if it is not you could probably find a relative or parent of yours to take over from your ex.

However you might need to remortgage to pay him his share as I had to do - take on a bigger mortgage so he gets out his capital and can use that to buy himself another house as presumably eventually he does not want to be renting.

emmab16 Fri 04-Jan-13 17:19:59

So far the plan is that the kids will stay in the marital home with me, childcare arrangements stay the same, 2 days pw nursery, 2 days pw family. He is looking to rent a flat near work.

I guess that if it will all get split 50/50 in the end then the debts don't matter as there is enough equity in the house to pay them off.

I'd like to stay in this house and think i could just manage to pay the mortgage on my own

Xenia Fri 04-Jan-13 10:15:59

DO you know which of you the children will live with - you or him? Will he want them to live with him in the house as you earn more you will live elsewhere and support them?
Or the other way round?
If you earn a lot more than him then generally either you give him a big enough sum to amount to a clean break (I did this with my ex husband) or else you pay him maintenance. If the children also live with him then you pay him 20% of your net earnings for the children on top of any support for him.

More likely you earn more but there is not much money at all so probably children stay with you and he supports himself and the house unless it is massive goes into your name and he only gets his share when you cohabit or sell or the children are 18.

In terms of debts etc the mortgage and credit card debt in whoever's name is added up and your savings, equity in house to work out your joint net assets. If those could be divided by two to buy two homes you just do a fair 50/50 split. If not then it's harder. Is there much equity in the house if any?

Collaborate Fri 04-Jan-13 09:43:56

See a solicitor. Look for one near you on the resolution.org.uk website.

emmab16 Fri 04-Jan-13 09:16:50

I have asked my husband to move out... He has agreed but i don't know what to do now? We have 2 pre-school kids and i earn a lot more than him. But we also have a lot of credit card debt most of which is in my name sad i am worried about all the debt landing on me as without that i think o can manage to pay the mortgage on my own

Tia

Xx

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