After many years of living in limbo I have sadly decided to separate from my husband. Reasons are not loving him any more and having absolutely nothing in common anymore with him (other than the DC). We have three DC: DD who's 10 and five month old twins. DH has been always ignoring the problems in our marriage and brushing issues under the carpet so it will be me who will need to move out if a separation is to happen. He has already said in the past that we would be doing 50/50 split on the DC's residency (he's an excellent dad and extremely hands on so I'm confident this can work ok).
Anyway, DD is currently preparing for her 11+ tests next Sept and I'm not sure when would be the best time for me to move out and as a result inflict all that upheaval and disruption in her life. Should I wait until after the exams in Sept so she can do better (there's currently no animosity at home with DH just indifference at this stage) as state secundary schools are crappy around here, or should I bite the bullet and just move out?
Also, we will need to sell the family home, I might have to wait until then anyway as currently on maternity leave with no income whatsoever and will only be returning to work after the summer...
My thought it that it's better done sooner rather than later.
You do not wan to be changing your address part way through the admissions round if you can help it. You may want to look at establishing your DCs weekday address as near to the grammar school/s as you can manage (in case distance is the tie break criteria). And your DD might be more secure cooing with the changes if she is settled in her school life, rather than having separation and transition happening close together.
Please don't move out or sell the family home until you have seen a family solicitor to find out where you stand and what options. If you then want you can agree how to separate your finances and arrangements for children between yourselves or with the help of a mediator, but it will be from an informed position.
Thanks Edith. My gut feeling is that it would be better to move sooner rather than later, however being on maternity leave until after the summer does complicate things a lot, as I wouldn't be able to afford rent unless I'm back at work (or if the family home sells before then, I could use part of the profits too).
So sad, amd so complicated. This situation is heart breaking (((
STIDW - thanks, was (vaguely admitedly) planning on using those free 30 mins for advise but as we will be both be having the kids an equal amount of time (a week each) I don't see how there could be issues with that... I don't know, maybe I'm being naive.... The house is on both our names so was planning on selling and dividing any profit equally, we both pay the mortgage. Athough DH earns a good 15k more than me I'm happy not to get anything extra as he's essentially a good man and hasn't really done anything majorly wrong in this situation. Although...., in previous occasions he has gone straight away for emotional blackmail i.e. telling DD 'your mother is going to destroy your life, she is going to break your heart' etc etc so maybe I am being naive and really need to cover my back after all and look out for my own interests.
It is for this same reason that I will not be telling DH about my decision until I'm ready to move out, as I know he will manipulate me into staying by using DC and how my selfishness is going to break their little hearts.....