I dont love him but too scared to leave

(7 Posts)
JamJars80 Sat 29-Sep-12 12:21:53

Hi, this is my first post on here, i really hope i can get some good advice.
i have been married to DH for 8yrs, together for 12. we have two dcs, 4 and 18months.

ever since i had dc1, things started to go downhill with me and dh.he was always too busy working to ever notice me and dc1, never spent any time with us. i felt very alone and was also suffering from pnd. dh started to sleep in spare room a few days after i had dc1 as he didnt want to be woken up by dc1. that began the downfall really as we never had any intimacy or any affection after that. got to the point where we actually stopped talking to each other.

when dc1 turned 2, we thgt we would give our marriage another go, thats when i got pregnant with dc2. however, after only a few weeks, things went rubbish again and he went back into his room.

i went through the entire pregnancy on my own whilst working full time and looking after dc1. it was horrible. he never once asked how i was or how baby was etc. anyway, when dc2 was around 4mths old, he lost his job. became depressed and basically 'woke up' to the fact that he had a wife and 2kids. but by this time, it was too late for me.

i do not love him at all, i feel nothing for him, however i do care about him. my skin crawls if he comes within a metre of me. we have not slept together since i got pregnant with dc2. dc2 is now 18mths.

dh has changed alot, spends time with dcs, does more around the house. gets on very well with my family. he is a really decent guy, loyal and caring. but i just dont love him. past few months we constantly bicker and argue in front of dcs. i have told him how i feel, he will not let me go. says i should sacrifice for the kids sake and try again with him.

i have over the past few days found a nice house to rent. it will mean moving 20miles away, finding a school for dc1 etc. a massive upheaval.

SO, my question is, WHAT SHOULD I DO? i cannot spend the rest of my life like this, i am only 32. if i leave him, my family will basically not talk to me. i'll be on my own with two dcs.

Any help/advice greatly appreciated. apologies for LONG post xxx

PS. also posted in relationships.

ICompletelyKnowAboutGuineaPigs Sat 29-Sep-12 13:48:58

Reading your post it sounds like you do not what to do but that you're scared of the future and taking that step.

You sound to me like you want to leave and that you are seriously considering it as an option. Being single parent is both easy and hard - you only have yourself to answer to and you only have yourself to do what needs to be done! But it may not be permanent - it may give ypu an opportunity to meet someone and forge a reciprocal love relationship in the future.

No-one on here or even in real life can tell you what to do in this situation because it is your decision and yours alone. That being said, it doesn't mean you have to feel alone and there are lots of ways to get support.

I'm not going to wish you 'luck' because I don't think its a matter of luck or chance, but I am going ti wish you strength and peace to make a decision and feel good about it.

bml12 Mon 08-Oct-12 14:27:53

Hi my first time on here! I am separating from husband after 18yrs of marriage with a 17 yr old and a 12yr old. I am very scared of the future, of my financial situation and how I am going to manage but I know I have to do this. We are selling a beautiful house and God only knows where I will end up but somehow I have found the strength to do this. It's the hardest thing I've ever done and heartbreaking for my beautiful children but I know I'm not the only one in this situation - neither are you

Bizkit Thu 21-Feb-13 17:12:10

Im in a similar position, my OH treated me badly through both my pregnancies and recently we trial separated, he got into a relationship with someone almost straight away, but lied about it while trying to get back with me. I dont love him anymore no matter how hard he is trying now, he does everything for me, more around the house etc,I think the resentment and the cringe moments when he touches me are too much. It will be a huge up heavel for my children and at the moment he wont accept its over so we are arguing more and the tension is unbearable. I sometimes feel I should just carry on for the kids sake but knowing you dont love someone, can it really work? I dont think so, but am in that dilema at the moment, the guilt I have for my children is overwhelming. I cant give you the answer but you are not alone.

mumnosbest Mon 11-Mar-13 01:21:58

you are definately not alone. i'm awake at this hour contemplating the same thing so here for hand-holding. The only thing keeping me here is fear of change and my poor dcs.

GoldenMama Thu 14-Mar-13 13:34:19

This sounds very much like my relationship also. sad
Why can't we have our happily ever afters??

Scorch Sat 16-Mar-13 16:55:56

Well I have just reached my limit. Am seeing a solicitor next week.

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