Mumsnet Talk

DP is requesting that I start to give her perenium massage. She is 30 wks.
This is our 2nd pregnancy. For the first one I did perform said duties but found that it did affect my libido for a long time. Also whilst in this zone during the 1st we went to a hypno-birthing class and it was determined that amoungst the women that were doing this no DH was doing it for them - they were all managing to reach!
This time we are currently having regular IC and I feel that if I start with the perenium massage it will signal the end of the IC.
I would like a response from both as to whether they have given or received PM. Also ladies - she claims she can't reach it herself (I don't believe as she manages to wipe her own bum!)

gawd
would NEVER have asked dh to do this. did it myself for the 1st, didn't bother for the next 2

IC - intercourse

IC ??

your second pregnancy ??

sorry, cannot take you seriously

This HAS to be a wind up - massaging your wife's perineum would put you off sex?? Do you normally not touch it when you have sex with her then?

My hubby had his hand up inside me massaging a lip on my cervix that wasn't dilating when I was in advanced labour, didn't put him off!

Bizzare.

ROFL.

Perineal massage not leading to intercourse?

That wasnt the way it worked around here

OK guess I'm on my own.
We've discussed and hopefully the massaging will lead to IC (Intercourse) as suggested!

Last time did alot of massaging and got very little intercourse. Then DW had a C-Sect!

Wish us luck - due mid Jan

hey buckingbronco - hope it all goes well for you, my friend. hang in there and things will soon get back to normal.

the rest of you should be ashamed of yourselves. no wonder people (especially blokes) get put off coming on this site . . . jeezus!

<snigger> at this.

<heavy sigh>

Hello troll.

Bronco, she probably can't reach - it takes a lot more contortion than just wiping a bit of tissue up her bumcrack.

I don't get the link between PM and IC though - I didn't find the massage at all sexy, quite painful in fact. It was certainly not something I'd want to do with dp in a romantic scenario.

The way I found to do it (on my own) was to coat the end of a small vibrator (not turned on) with olive oil and use that to stretch the appropriate areas. I don't know if it worked as I had to have forceps, and no amount of massage will help her stretch enough for those!!!

Just send her round to my house and I'll sort it out.

The massage, not the ic.

CuppateaJanice - I think the OP is finding PM is putting him off sex. And, TBH, I don't blame him. It's horses for courses, I guess, but I found PM painful (although helpful) and not at all sexy and I can't see why making yr wife's fanjo stretch should be regarded as an automatic turn-on.

OP, I know it's a hoary old cliche, but have you tried - gently - telling your wife how this makes you feel? It's a delicate trade off - bear in mind for her you're sacrificing your sex life a little to help her avoid a painful injury - but she might not appreciate how profound an impact this has on you...

oh fgs this is VILE

Nope, it looks like I've got hold of completely the wrong end of the stick

Sorry OP. My only other comment would be: a) are you sure it's the PM that is reducing the libido, not just last trimester blues and b) have you tried doing the PM at a time when sex would normally be completely off the agenda? Just to make it clear that they are two very separate activities?

Does it(PM) work?
Did it help her last time?
It is actually quite hard to know if you're doing it right... What a great DP you are! Hope it doesn't put you both off sex, obviously thats what happens at the birth but PM shouldn't be quite the same?

What a fun thread

'Last time did alot of massaging and got very little intercourse. Then DW had a C-Sect!'

OK, can't manage not to comment...

Really, bronco your wife is so lucky to have such a caring and empathetic husband

Fine, it puts you off sex... SO WHAT?! It is just sex for a while, your wife is about to attempt a VBAC... Nice that you are so considerate and helpful and unconcerned with your own pleasure...

Sorry I have to comment as well..

Are you sure you're up for being there for your DW during her labour BB, cos if you're squeamish now about helping her out with perineum stretching when everything is going smoothly, think how being at the birth when your DW is working her arse off is going to affect you?

Should she have someone there who is going to be there for her, not just someone who is thinking of 'IC' and his own libido and pleasure later.

I think you need to get over yourself, or step aside for the birth and tell your DW you're not into it, and she should find someone who will be willing to help her in her labour unconditionally, without an agenda.

Be honest.
I think a lot of men actually are pretty useless at the birth, and more and more women I talk with say that on reflection, they wish their DP/Hs had stayed outside, and they had someone else there to help them instead.

PM is going well; trying double thumb ala bestdoulas.com!
It isn't romantic and can't be part of foreplay - sorry just doesn't happen.

Thanks for some people's comments and to others; this is absolutely not about me getting upset because I'm worried about not getting any. IC affects us both U.C.!

Just went to a parent workshop and for the second time all the DPs have never been near attempting PM! Even the Midwife had a wry smile when she mentioned the idea.

C'est la vie

All that parenting workshop stuff is bollcks though isn't it. I never did any Perineum massage, what's all that about?

I was thinking of asking my OH to help me out with this (I Honestly can't seem to reach to do it properly.) Now I'm not sure if I should!

Erm just to comment on Zazen accusation of a lot of men being useless during child birth.

I was left outside of my childs birth because my wife had to be rushed in for an emergency C-section so I didn't end up having the choice.

For the three days previous, I sat at my wife's side trying my damned hardest to appease her while she was clearly in agonising pain. Unfortunately, I could have said anything I wanted and I wouldn't have been able to reduce the pain she was experiencing thus I felt pretty useless.

The vast majority of men find childbirth so traumatising because the woman they love is suffering and there's nothing they can do about it. We already feel useless enough without pathetic comments like that.

Next time you feel you just have to comment on something, just have a think about what your comment is going to be and perhaps try not to offend the ones who try their hardest even though mother nature has already taken their will out of their hands. FFS!

i don't think i would ever expect dh to massage anything of a kind.