Mumsnet Talk

Hi all,

Does anyone out there have any real experience on financial settlement through court regarding spousal maintenance and child support?

I am about to embark on this court process and really have no idea what to expect. I have done everything I can for a long long time to settle out of court, but my ex just won't accept anything. Court is now the only option. She won't attend mediation or settle on anything.

We have one dd who is 6 and we were married less than 4 years. Together for around around 7.

She lives in the house we shared with dd and I have dd approx 70-80 days a year. I already pay more child support than I am obliged too and the same again on top of that to her. She chooses not to work accept a few bits and pieces and the usual benefits.

I earn a good salary but am by no means rich (about £45k net a year). Does anyone know what I can expect with spousal maintenance? I am more than happy to pay my way, but I feel at the moment I am actually being over generous. I also have my own family now as well with dsd and dss to support.

Any real experiences please, getting desperate for help now? I have no idea what to expect.

Thanks

Your own solicitor should have given you some indication of outcome.

Court do prefer a mediated outcome unless there is issues of abuse.

Your own family?

Yes my solicitor has indicated he thinks I am giving up too much, but it's hard to tell.

Portofino - I mean the family I have living with me now obviously, I recognise my dd is part of that family. I am not suggesting I have no responsibility here.

It's easy enough to see the alternative position: 45k leaves the family home, big shortfall to fund. 15%+ maintenance and spousal will go towards the bills/mortage/food/maintaining the house as that expenditure won't have changed much for your ex-wife, in fact your £ contribution may not cover it. Court will look at both sets of assets and liabilities, welfare of dd and the lifestyle exwife and dd enjoyed when you were married. If exwife is living in a whopping 6 bed house then downsizing may be required but it's a more modest affair then it comes back to putting a roof over dd's head. She may need to work but bear in mind current economic climate/childcare costs (before & after school and school holidays).

If you decide you want to go for a clean break (i.e. no spousal maintenance) then it will probably cost you more in the split of assets, however, if you do pay spousal maintenance the value can be adjusted at any time in the future and doesn't necessarily end when your DD leaves education.

I think you need to see a solicitor, but spousal maintenance is no longer the norm.

You sir, are an arse.

Your posts give decent fathers a bad name.

I don't understand why some of you are berating the OP, he is asking for advice geezzz why on earth is he an arse?

I have some experience of settling by consent order for spousal and child maintenance.

My solicitor advised spousal maintenance because we had a long marriage - 20 years- on the grounds that I would need a period of time to adjust to the large fall in income from the divorce, my age, housing costs to support myself and DD. EX agreed to pay for 5 years providing I don't remarry before then. Spousal maintenance is usually awarded when the marriage has been a long one.

Child maintenance was also agreed between us in the consent order at 15% of ex's net income. Also til DD has completed higher education or reaches age 21.

Going to court is going to be a very expensive option OP. Why doesn't your stbx want to try mediation?

Why are you supporting step children? Why don't their mother and father support them?

The bottom line is if she really will not accept any compromise then it will have to go to court. I think you currently pay 15% of income for the child and same again for your ex wife. What about offering to have your child every other week which might help your wife get a full time job or fund the cost of an au pair between you moves between the houses as the child does as it is really the childcare cost which makes it hardest for you both in terms of working full time. It could the best deal of all if you can make things possible by doing a lot more child care and having your child every other week if you then enable your ex to go back to full time work.

I hope this time you have married a higher earner who earns more than you do and not another stay at homer housewife type.... otherwise you may be back on here in 5 years with exactly the same issue.