Mumsnet Talk

A friend rang me today in a bad state because she has basically spent every single penny that she has, and has no food in the cupboards apart from some bread and a couple of potatoes, to last until Monday when she hopes to get more benefits). Also has no toilet roll, kitchen roll, toiletries, etc.

Very long story behind it which I won't go into here, involving domestic violence, child protection issues by the father, ongoing health problems, legal claims against her ex-employer, etc.

It seems that she has now managed to borrow £20 from someone else which will buy her some things for a few days. I'm really, really reluctant to get into lending her money, but I've said that I will take over a box of things for her on Monday.

So the question is, what would be best for me to take? I really hope that this doesn't come across as patronising, but I'm very lucky in that I've never had to live on a really tight budget so I am struggling to decide what would be best.

Does this sound sensible:

Weetabix/cornflakes
Milk
Bread
Butter
Bottle of squash
Rice
Pasta
Jars of pasta sauce?
Potatoes
Cheese
Sausages
Mince
Baked beans
Toilet roll
Kitchen roll
Washing up liquid
Shampoo
Soap

Thanks
Julie

What a kind friend you are, sounds good, could you maybe add some frozen veg?

Sounds good, has she got dc? If so chuck in some satsumas, crisps, couple of tins of sweet corn and some bananas. That would keep my dc quiet for a few days.

coffee and tea?

Ah okay, good suggestions, will add coffee & tea, satsumas, tinned sweet corn, bananas, satsumas and frozen veg then.

Not sure about crisps? Surely they don't add much nutritional value?

if you have mince could you add tinned toms and peppers/ mushrooms or stock cubes and veg for either bolognese or cottage pie?

Onions, eggs, yogurt, tins of tomatoes, tuna.

What a wonderful friend you are.

I think she will remember this act of kindness for a longtime.

Definitely tinned things, dried pasta, frozen stuff, as it lasts. Soup?

Tinned tomatoes?

Depending on what sort of meals she eats, a bag of lentils might be useful as they are good for padding out soups and stews with a bit of protein.

Does she have school age DCs that she needs to do packed lunch for in which case, it might be worth thinking food to go in those.

How about carrots for your fruit and veg list?

Something nice and treat-y as well, particularly if she's got children.
Ketchup.
Cous cous is much quicker to cook than rice or pasta.
Some green vegetables that keep or possibly frozen peas? Children tend to like broccoli.
Does she make packed lunches? Some stuff for them- ham, youghurts.

If you can afford it i would include a little treat item for the kids and her.

Tinned soup

Tinned rice pudding nice for kids on a cold day.

Jam, cheese spread, cheese, marg/butter.

What a kind friend you are.

Crisps don't add much in the way of nutrition but they are nice for kids who need a treat.

Toorhpaste?

That sound very generous. What a kind friend you are. I'd also take round a few tins, coffee, tea bags, and washing powder/tablets. If you can manage that.

You are lovely. Add a bar of choc in it will you as a treat? There's not nutritional value but everyone deserves a little treat.

That's lovely.
Porridge oats and a bag of sultanas?
When we were really tightly budgeting this made sure the DC had a hot, cheap breakfast.
Tesco value ones were perfectly fine.

More good suggestions thanks.

Yes I know what you meant about the treats, maybe I'll reconsider the crisps and add some chocolate!

Thanks all

YOu sound lovely.

I tend to look at store cupboard and freezer items

So tinned or frozen veg.
tin toms
uht milk etc

maybe even a couple of home made meals (if she is in real state she might not be able to cook)

basically anything italian can be padded out
chili is good too
tinned tuna, cheese, condenced chicken soup =tuna pasta bake

can you be my friend? Just in case I´m ever in need of a hand up?

Probably best if you give her the money rather than lend it as you may not get it back.
I would go to your local supermarket and see if they have marked down food at theend of the day. Take your list but play it by ear.

Good luck.

What a wonderful thing to do for your friend.
I would only say, not porridge or wheatabix, you need milk to eat them both.
www.guardian.co.uk/society/2012/jul/18/food-banks-on-hand-outs
The list seems good, I would second fruit/veg.
If you were worried what to buy Tesco do a vouchers so you could gift a voucher if you were unsure what to get.

I wouldnt lend money. As already suggested take store cupboard staples but buy the value type brands so you get more for your money.

When people get themselves in this sort of situation they often 'can't see the wood for the trees' so could I suggest you start making some calls on her behalf or Google local charities to see what is available.

Possibly also help her with her weekly budget to see what she is buying. Find out when the markdowns are done in the local supermarket, I do this and then I batch bake and freeze.

There may also be additiinal benefits she is unaware of.

Does she have anything saleable you could put on Ebay? Does she have any skills she can use to make money?

You sound lovely

I too wouldn't start lending money . A "friend" of mine borrowed £40.00 she was in a very similar situation , she has 6 kids . I never did get all the money back

what a good friend you are.

There are porridge pots that just need boiling water added (I suppose they have powdered milk in) - might be nice for hot filling breakfasts for the kids? Oastsosimple or something like that I think.

second what the others have said re stuff that will last - tins, frozen, dried etc. jars of pasta sauce sounds perfect, she can add it to mince for spag bol, or just pour in on for a quick meal.

What about a bag of chicken breasts for the freezer and some jars of chicken tonight type sauces?

Frozen chips if you want to treat the kids, or alphabet shapes.

I'm trying to think of stuff that does't need much prep because she's probably really stressed.

Some sound financial advice or a shove towards CAB would be helpful too, if she hasn't already had it. As someone above said, just doing a bit of googling with a clear head might be amazing if she's in a panic. If they kids don't get free school meals making sure that gets sorted.

Honestly, reading your post has made me a bit teary-eyed, because it's just such a nice thing to do.