I'm just trying to workout whether to give up and move on or keep hoping.
I'm 37 and have a beautiful 2.5 year old son. It took us two years and a laparoscopy before we conceived him (theres actually nothing much wrong with me, but my hubby has a low sperm count - around 14 million/ml. We'd been advised to consider IVF when it happened naturally).
We've been trying again ever since my son was born and nothing's happened. Been back to the clinic for more tests, hubby's sperm count still low (between 9-14million/ml - this is thought to be due to an undescended testicle op he had as a child). Advised again to either just keep trying or try IUI if we can save up for it (my PCT won't fund IVF if you already have a child).
I think its become clear that it won't happen naturally and we simply can't raise the money for private IVF. (Our credit rating was destroyed last year because of some debt problems we were recession victims. We're back on our feet now but with several CCJs and with still a lot of outstanding debt to our name no bank will lend to us!) so we can't borrow the money, we don't have savings and noone in the family will help us - we've already tried asking/begging).
I am so horribly depressed, dreading every time I meet one of the other mums I know with children my son's age, as they have all had their second (and even third in some cases) children by now. Just the site of a baby can reduce me to tears. I have a room stuffed full of baby things and I can't bear to get rid of them. Just an advert for nappies or baby milk can reduce me to a sobbing wreck and my husband is losing patience. I've tried talking to friends and family and they either don't understand or (like my mother in law) say cruel, hurtful things.
I'm an at-home-mum and am dreading when my son goes to nursery, because I don't know what I will do with myself, I had always imagined I'd have another baby to care for by that point.
I feel so hopeless. I want to find out if anything is wrong with me but my PCT won't fund further tests. I have BUPA cover through my job but all fertility testing/treatment is excluded. Is there anything I can do? I'm sick of crying and being miserable all the time. I just want to stop hating myself and be happy again. Should I just try and give up and move on or will I be stuck like this as long as I'm deluding myself?
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Can anyone offer me any advice on my seemingly hopeless secondary infertility?
11 replies
KRabbit · 18/06/2009 16:58
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