Ds is now 6. Came off the pill 3.5 years ago to ttc, and it didn't happen.

Am still not using contraception but have (I thought?) come to terms with the fact that I wasn't going to have another baby, and had even come to the realization that another baby wouldn't really be the best thing any more as ds is nice and independent now and well a big age gap and... and .... and ... ykwim.

But these past couple of weeks I suddenly have an overwhelming urge to have another baby.

If it hasn't happened in 3.5 years then it's not going to happen.

Dh was dx with a low sperm count 2 years ago, and blames himself for our lack of another child so I can't address this with him really can I? as it will just increase his self blame even more.

So come and slap me and tell me that having another baby would be a bad idea and that I'm happy with my life the way it is (god knows I've posted to that effect enough times on here ).

I think six years is too big a gap.

But you have to do what is right for you.

I would talk to my husband. He won't blame himself less or more than he already does and if he also wants another one, look into the various options.

Talk to him; it's completely understandable to want another child and I'm sure he wants it too.
I know some people who were in a similar situation (ie low sperm count) and had success with ivf.

I disagree with 6 years being too big a gap

i disagree too - 6 years is fine - a good gap i think

we'd previously discussed treatments though and had decided we wouldn't ever go for something like IVF, because we should be grateful that we have one child iyswim. Plus while obviously other people do go through ivf and that is right for them I never felt that would be right for me.

I know I really need to snap out of this - I do think it's maybe become more of an issue for me because SIL has recently announced that they are going to have to have ivf and it's reminded me again of the fact I've been unable to have another one.

we have a six year gap and it is lovely....

Wannabe I think its very hard for any woman who is forced into having only one child through infertility to ever really "accept" it whilst still of child bearing age so it doesn't surprise me that you feel like this. If I don't manage to have another child I am not sure whether I will ever be able to truly accept it even if I say that I have I will probably be lying.

It annoys the feck out of me that people can come along and say that a particlar age gap is too big, close age gaps are a luxury of the super fertile. Any age gap can work, ok its not the same when they are little but its still a sibling to love and be loved.

I guess for you the worst problem is that you KNOW the sort of heartache and disappointments you may face if you go down this road again and actively TTC and the question is about whether you and your DH are able to put yourselves through this again, possibly with even more desperation attached than previous experience.

I wish you all the best, its so fecking hard to have to try to think "logically" about the deep rooted desire for a baby.

We have a 5 n a half year gap and its great. If you feel broody my advice is to explore the possibilities and take it from there. I'd love a third child, my husband isnt so keen but he smiles when I mention it so he might be persuaded. Though despite both being in good jobs mine pt we're often broke with nursery fees n all. I'm late thirties so would like it to happen soonish but I need my dh to give it the go ahead. Broodiness is frustrating sometimes but good luck. You dont want to look back in 5 yrs and wish you'd tried.

I know two people with 14 year gaps and in both cases they still love each other as siblings and it's great now they are older as no rivalry because everything so different.